Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

3.5 and 1.5 year old. How far is unreasonable for a return day trip

76 replies

CautiousOptimist11 · 30/04/2021 20:11

Say, going to a pub to meet a good friend, but it's not exactly a fun destination for kids and not one that they would have the best day at. We couldn't stay at the specific pub reasonably for more than an hour or two.

Friend is being short when we said 1h45 (one way) is a bit far for that.

I mean, almost 4h in the car for a pub lunch?

Who is BU here? I mean, we could do it but why would we want to? I don't want to haul our kids around for this day (after moving house and country a month ago. Its been a turbulent - for the kids - non stop month)

And we would gladly stretch our plans and go out of our way for good friends. It's just the instant shortness when we question the initial plan, or rather gently state our reservations

Ps they have one young child before anyone asks

OP posts:

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 30/04/2021 20:12

how far is the friend travelling?

DarcyLewis · 30/04/2021 20:13

If I was going to be somewhere for an hour or two max, I wouldn’t want to drive more than 45 minutes.

5zeds · 30/04/2021 20:13

Sounds totally doable to me if you want to.

terraclutter · 30/04/2021 20:14

I think that's too much travelling for the children for what it is. I would do that if it would then be fun for the kids.

Thesheerrelief · 30/04/2021 20:15

Too long in the car for young kids in one day for a 1-2 hour visit with friends

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/04/2021 20:16

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

serin · 30/04/2021 20:18

We regularly used to meet relatives half way between our homes for Sunday lunch (about 1.5hours away) but with much older DC and it still wasn't a bundle of laughs for them.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 30/04/2021 20:19

Are you going somewhere near them? If so I'd compromise and meet halfway. 1:45 is just about doable, but I only do it if the person lived 3 1/2 hours away and we were meeting in the middle. Or could you do a park and a picnic instead? Tends to be more fun for children.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 30/04/2021 20:20

That's too much for a destination that's not child-friendly.

I'd do it maybe for a good zoo/safari park, or kids' theme park like Legoland, but not for an adults pub lunch!

For the kind of outing you describe, I would say 30-45 minutes max.

Justmuddlingalong · 30/04/2021 20:21

It's not too long, but it is if they are then expected to sit and behave while you eat and chat with your friend. Mine wold have needed a good run about after an hour and 3/4 in a car seat. Would a picnic somewhere they could run about not work?

LemonRoses · 30/04/2021 20:22

We used to go a couple of hours to Grandma but madecsure we were there long enough and had a trip to the park or somewhere like a zoo to make it feel exciting for them. I think 3.5 hours travelling for a pub lunch is excessive.

DarcyLewis · 30/04/2021 20:26

@MyDcAreMarvel

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

Why on earth would you want to drive 3 hours for lunch though? Driving is boring and uncomfortable.

Thebookswereherfriends · 30/04/2021 20:26

If you were meeting at a park or outdoor place where the kids could actually enjoy themselves and you could spend 3/4 hours then i would happily drive a couple of hours to get there. Nearly 2 hours to sit at a pub and wrangle 2 small children to stay in more or less one place? No way. That would be a 30 min max drive.

CadburyCake · 30/04/2021 20:26

The distance wouldn’t bother me in itself but the proportion of travel v activity time wouldn’t work for me. Can you meet them for a walk to aforementioned pub? Or at a country park or a playground or something for an hour or so first? If they have a small child too then a pub lunch doesn’t sound the most suitable activity, at least in isolation.

It would also depend how close I was to the person, when I’d last seen them, if they could and were willing to travel, if they’d previously made an effort....

sunflowersandbuttercups · 30/04/2021 20:29

@MyDcAreMarvel

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

Nothing to do with being dramatic, more to do with the fact that driving long distances with small children is generally a huge waste of time.

Frequent toilet breaks, car sickness, bored children, screaming children, tantrums...why would you want to put yourself through almost 4 hours of that to have lunch at the pub?!

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 30/04/2021 20:30

@MyDcAreMarvel

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

I could drive that with no issues and no drama. Wouldn’t want to for a pub lunch though. When mine were the same age we drove around that far to meet friends, but we were mindful of the fact that the kids would need to stretch their legs etc so we went for a long f walk with them, then for lunch, then took them to a play park before getting back in the car.

ponderingpottery · 30/04/2021 20:30

Can you meet them for a walk to aforementioned pub? Or at a country park or a playground or something for an hour or so first?

I think this is a great shout from @CadburyCake - chance for you all to stretch your legs, the 3.5yo can have a run around, the 1.5yo can have a play and an explore. Then some pub lunch to fill you all up before you leave again. Otherwise the kids are sitting in the car for hours, just to sit at a dinner table for another two hours, then get back in the car.

However if you’re still not up for driving that much in one day with little ones you’re well within your rights to say no! If I had a friend in your circumstances who wanted to meet up I’d say great, but if they didn’t want to drive a 4 hour round trip for the sake of a 2 hour pub lunch I’d fully understand and wouldn’t get funny about it.

MadeOfStarStuff · 30/04/2021 20:35

It sounds too far with small children for quite a short activity that isn’t particularly child friendly. It would be worth it for a whole day out though.

Is the place they suggested near them or in the middle? If it’s near them the obvious solution would be somewhere more in the middle. If it’s already in the middle could you combine it with something else roughly in the same area to make it more worth the trip.

modgepodge · 30/04/2021 20:40

Yeah it’d be a no from me. I have a 2 year old, we will go to my SIL’s house which is almost 2 hours, but we’d be there 4-5 hours at least and she has a garden and toys and my daughter isn’t required to sit quietly for an extended period. PIL are over 2 hours and we only do that with an overnight now we have a child. For a pub lunch, an hour each way I’d say, ideally timed so she would nap in one direction.

00100001 · 30/04/2021 20:44

@MyDcAreMarvel

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

Because it's not the same as driving elsewhere. For example in America it's relatively easy to drive 2-3hrs. You have long straight, wide , empty roads. You might end up 200 miles away.

A 2-3hr journey in the UK might get you from London to Birmingham... The roads would be busy, narrower, loads of junctions/navigation etc.

It just isn't the same 🤷‍♀️

Holly60 · 30/04/2021 20:45

At the moment I would travel that distance to spend a shortish period of time with people I really cared about. I think they are probably a bit off because it says more about your relationship than perhaps you realise.

Original poster

CautiousOptimist11 · 30/04/2021 20:48

Thanks for suggestions! The destination is very near to theirs. I think it's the lack of understanding or willingness to suggest an alternative that has surprised me. Well, we shall suggest a reasonable alternative in same location and see what the response is!

I suppose that ultimately, if I am in the camp that thinks 1h45 is too far for young kids, I also would NEVER expect someone to do the same to see us. So it's ok to think this way! I guess the mismatch comes when there is a request from those who would (apparently) travel. Even if they only have one child to manage

OP posts:

Original poster

CautiousOptimist11 · 30/04/2021 20:51

@Holly60, genuinely out of interest, do you have kids/young kids that you would take along with you on these journeys?

OP posts:

4PawsGood · 30/04/2021 20:53

Depends on your children. Mine would have been awful. Up to you to decide.

Rach000 · 30/04/2021 20:54

I would not travel that far with my young kids for a lunch. Would be awful. They would hate it. They are not great in the car so about 45 mins would be OK.

Flip

1 2 3 4