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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3.5 and 1.5 year old. How far is unreasonable for a return day trip

76 replies

CautiousOptimist11 · 30/04/2021 20:11

Say, going to a pub to meet a good friend, but it's not exactly a fun destination for kids and not one that they would have the best day at. We couldn't stay at the specific pub reasonably for more than an hour or two.

Friend is being short when we said 1h45 (one way) is a bit far for that.

I mean, almost 4h in the car for a pub lunch?

Who is BU here? I mean, we could do it but why would we want to? I don't want to haul our kids around for this day (after moving house and country a month ago. Its been a turbulent - for the kids - non stop month)

And we would gladly stretch our plans and go out of our way for good friends. It's just the instant shortness when we question the initial plan, or rather gently state our reservations

Ps they have one young child before anyone asks

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/04/2021 21:43

I have s child that screams after more than half an hour in the car and after that manages to undo her seatbelt. Anything more than 40 min is painful for everyone!

Original poster
CautiousOptimist11 · 30/04/2021 21:44

I'm genuinely interested to know the few comments saying it is dramatic, do you have kids this age? Honestly I think pre kids, i would have said the same, or perhaps you are so far beyond the toddler stage (grown up kids?), are now forgetting the hellish relentlessness of it.

If you have two very young kids and still hold this view, I stand well and truly corrected

OP posts:
SomeCatsLikeCheese · 30/04/2021 21:53

I have one the same age as your youngest (maybe a few months younger) and an older DC of 5.5. We drove this distance last weekend to meet close family for the first time since lockdown ended and the only reason we drove that far is because the family member in question also has a 1.5 year old (so couldn’t expect them to meet us closer to where we live) and the place we met is great for kids (huge playground, etc) so I didn’t mind us having the slightly longer journey. We spent about 4 hours there so same amount of time travelling.

No way would I do that for a lunch of under 2 hours! Unless there were very extenuating circumstances like family visiting from overseas for first time in ten years or something. And I’d be looking for a kid-friendly attraction to break the journey up on the way there or back.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 30/04/2021 21:53

If you have two very young kids and still hold this view, I stand well and truly corrected

OP, ignore those types of comment - they're talking about car journeys with much older kids.

Audiobooks and I spy aren't going to cut it with the 1.5yo and, unless you put the 3yo in a pull-up, you're going to need frequent toilet breaks if you want to avoid a very unpleasant accident in the car. You'll arrive grumpy and fractious and you'll leave even more grumpy and fractious after having paid for a meal you weren't able to eat more than a few bites of because you were trying to keep two grumpy and fractious toddlers quiet and still at the table.

JackieWeaverFever · 30/04/2021 22:03

There is no way i would bother with that for a lunch.

In fact I would only travel that kind of insane distance for a lunch to go and visit a friend with small children near their house (because travelling with kids is hard)

JackieWeaverFever · 30/04/2021 22:05

For record I have no kids but still think 2 x 2 hours in a car with 2 x kids under 3 = 4th circle of hell

shouldistop · 30/04/2021 22:05

Frequent toilet breaks for a journey of 1hr45 mins?!

DarcyLewis · 30/04/2021 22:20

I wouldn’t want to travel 2-3 hours for lunch even with no kids! The ratio of enjoyable time to non-enjoyable time is all wrong.

Planty13 · 30/04/2021 22:24

I wouldn’t do that for a pub lunch with no kids entertainment. They will be bored AF in the car to then need to behave nicely through a pub lunch to enable you to catch up with a friend? Nope nope nope YANBU. The kids will be fed up and I wouldn’t blame them. Either don’t take the kids, meet in the middle, or go somewhere with a play area but the 1.5 year old will need supervision so not ideal for a catch up.

NameChange30 · 30/04/2021 22:28

YANBU
My DCs are 4 and 7 months old
But even if I didn't have kids, I'd be reluctant to make such an effort for someone who wasn't willing to meet me halfway (literally)
I would be willing to drive for up to an hour provided it was somewhere roughly halfway, a pub with a play area (outdoor and/or indoor) or with a park very nearby, or another child-friendly venue where we could spend at least 2-3 hours before going home again

Can you find one or two suitable options that are roughly halfway and suggest those?

underneaththeash · 30/04/2021 22:32

Do the we’d people you’re meeting have small children?
If not, suggest someone near you.

ForgedInFire · 30/04/2021 22:37

I definitely wouldn't do it. We drive over 2 hours to my dads every couple of months and did so when my kids were that age but we spent several hours there doing things that were fun for all of us and then would head back at 7ish so they slept the whole way home anyway. Even without kids I wouldn't drive all that way to meet a friend in the pub and then go home

Snowpaw · 30/04/2021 22:37

I’m having cold sweats just thinking about this!
It would be in no way a relaxing, enjoyable lunch where you could catch up with your friend, if you’re trying to wrangle two young kids into high chairs when they just want to be running about and playing after a long time in the car. No one would have a nice time. Then having to go all the way back! If it was me I’d run around somewhere after lunch before going back so at least the kids get a bit of energy out. I kind of want you to accept the invite though just so your friend can sit through an hour of whining and crying whilst reflecting on why she thought it would be such a good idea.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 30/04/2021 22:39

@Snowpaw. But the whining and crying wouldn't have that effect on the friend, she'd just think that the OP had really badly behaved children!

tigerpooisgreat · 30/04/2021 22:40

I have dcs of a similar age and absolutely no way would I go.

We drove 1 hour to a kid oriented, long fun day out and the journey was still painful.

I nearly had a tantrum myself half way and turned around.

Why can't they meet you half way?

Dothepropeller21 · 01/05/2021 07:50

I wouldn't take my 1.5 year old for a pub lunch even if it was next door. Utter hell! He just wants to be running around and would maybe only last 15 minutes at the table.

fiorentina · 01/05/2021 07:52

We would have done a reasonable journey like that when ours were younger but ensured we stopped somewhere for them to run around before lunch. They would sleep some of the journey and were fine with car snacks, singing, games etc. But every child is different.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/05/2021 08:10

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@sunflowersandbuttercups* Nothing to do with being dramatic, more to do with the fact that driving long distances with small children is generally a huge waste of time.*

Frequent toilet breaks, car sickness, bored children, screaming children, tantrums...why would you want to put yourself through almost 4 hours of that to have lunch at the pub?!
I have 8 children , a few years ago I had five children under the age of five , that wasn’t my experience at all. Possibly one toilet break but not airways necessary, movie on DVD player , audible books and old fashioned eye spy passed the time just fine. Your life is very limited if you only drive an hour from hour home.[/quote]
You didn't even read my post properly before jumping on me and telling me how limited I am.

I said I wouldn't drive further than 45 minutes or so for such a short outing that's not even child friendly, not that I never drive further than an hour away from home period.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/05/2021 11:01

@sunflowersandbuttercups , no I did read your post.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/05/2021 11:04

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@sunflowersandbuttercups , no I did read your post.[/quote]
Well, obviously you didn't read it properly then, because I never said "I only drive an hour away from home".

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/05/2021 11:11

@sunflowersandbuttercups well obviously you didn’t read mine because I did not say you only drive an hour from home.
I assume by the phrase “ I never said” that English is not your first language.
The use of the word your in that context does not refer specifically to you.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 01/05/2021 11:12

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@sunflowersandbuttercups well obviously you didn’t read mine because I did not say you only drive an hour from home.
I assume by the phrase “ I never said” that English is not your first language.
The use of the word your in that context does not refer specifically to you.[/quote]
Well, you did. You said:

Your life is very limited if you only drive an hour from hour home

after directly quoting my post.

No need to insult my language skills, though :)

Crosstrainer · 01/05/2021 11:16

Meeting half way is reasonable- so just short of an hour each. Perfectly reasonable not to want kids in the car for that long.

WellLarDeDar · 01/05/2021 11:52

@CautiousOptimist11

Thanks for suggestions! The destination is very near to theirs. I think it's the lack of understanding or willingness to suggest an alternative that has surprised me. Well, we shall suggest a reasonable alternative in same location and see what the response is!

I suppose that ultimately, if I am in the camp that thinks 1h45 is too far for young kids, I also would NEVER expect someone to do the same to see us. So it's ok to think this way! I guess the mismatch comes when there is a request from those who would (apparently) travel. Even if they only have one child to manage Wink

I would suggest somewhere half way between both of you. Bit cheeky but some people just think everyone should always be travelling to them.
Blondeshavemorefun · 01/05/2021 15:13

I’ve driven 2.5hrs fir a pub lunch with dd then 1 and again at 2 and 2.5hrs home in one day

But that was a central area for think 8 of us meeting

You need to find a pub in between you and friend

Meet at park first. Have run around

Then pub lunch then drive home