3.5 and 1.5 year old. How far is unreasonable for a return day trip

[CautiousOptimist11]

Say, going to a pub to meet a good friend, but it's not exactly a fun destination for kids and not one that they would have the best day at. We couldn't stay at the specific pub reasonably for more than an hour or two.

Friend is being short when we said 1h45 (one way) is a bit far for that.

I mean, almost 4h in the car for a pub lunch?

Who is BU here? I mean, we could do it but why would we want to? I don't want to haul our kids around for this day (after moving house and country a month ago. Its been a turbulent - for the kids - non stop month)

And we would gladly stretch our plans and go out of our way for good friends. It's just the instant shortness when we question the initial plan, or rather gently state our reservations

Ps they have one young child before anyone asks

1h45 isn't too far for A DAY TRIP but not a 1 hour lunch! I wouldn't do that even without kids

Not just for lunch at a pub. About an hour max.
Especially if they are hardly travelling, can’t they travel 45 mins in your direction, so your left with around 1hr drive and your both roughly meeting in the middle?

Spending longer on a single leg of the journey than at the destination? Urgh, it'd have to be something and someone truly exceptional to get me there.

No, the plan for you to travel 2h and them to barely move anywhere for a pub lunch is a silly one. They can drive 2h to you if it's so easy! I'd be wanting to change the location to be more central or to make it more of an "event" and tack some things on. It's not the 2h journey objectively, it's the whole context. I mean, I'd think nothing of driving 2hrs to stay somewhere for a week, but that would be worth it!

If the destination is near to theirs can you suggest an alternative that's half way between? A bit less than an hour each way for each party sounds more reasonable.

No way would I be travelling that far for a pub lunch, the kids will likely be tired and grumpy from the journey by the time you get there so you won’t enjoy your lunch anyway and even if you did, by the time you’ve sat in the car for almost 2 hours to get home it won’t seem worth it!

My son is generally a good traveller but there is a difference between a 3-4 hour drive to a great day out that we will all enjoy and a 2 hour drive to sit in a pub beer garden!

The problem for me/DS with this arrangement would be the short time we'd be there. I could do a 2 hour journey with him in a morning for a day trip, knowing he'd fall asleep on the way there, spend a day somewhere then drive back, knowing he'd fall asleep again. However, he would not do that if the break between the two journeys was only 1.5-2 hours and I'd find it very difficult to keep him entertained for a two hour journey. I can't imagine it would be very safe, as DS would be crying and bawling (similar age to your youngest) and dealing with that for two hours in a car whilst trying to focus on a motorway journey would be very distracting.

Not to mention, it's unpleasant for children that young to sit in a car for four hours in a day, so I'd only really subject him to it if I knew he'd benefit from it (e.g. at a place that would be fun for him).

We have 2 under 5s and would travel that far for a pub lunch and a walk /play in a park afterwards but not just to sit at the pub for 1 hour.

Yanbu. My dc are 5 and 1yo and I do not do these types of outings. It does not benefit them. In fact they would be miserable. It's not kid friendly and sticking them in the car for a long period does not cut it for me. They won't be little forever, so I would rather not drag them to these things which is more of a pain and effort to all of us. I wouldn't at most meet mid way.

Sounds knackering. You’ll just be trying to keep them happy/calm/out if trouble when you’re there, then facing another long ride home. No thank you.

1.5hr each way.
My maximum for a day trip with the kids.

I just really dread anything longer than that. It's not enjoyable and very rarely worth it when of-set against the journey.

Plus they’ll be very unaware of these sorts of situations as lockdown has taken up such a great proportion of their lives. I think you’d be better to introduce them to these outings gradually.

If they won't meet you halfway then that tells you all you need to know!

Is there a reason why the destination is near to theirs, rather than half way?

Like many are saying, we would go that far for something the kids would enjoy, and woukd wear them out. We woudnt go that far to sit in a pub/restaurant and then straight back into the car.
We would also try for somewhere more central for both families.

If the pub had a playground or similar, I would do it.
If they are just going to be sat in the chair, and then sat at a table, then most kids would turn into bored and restless demons. Not worth it, IMO.

The destination is very near to theirs. I think it's the lack of understanding or willingness to suggest an alternative that has surprised me.

You should meet somewhere in the middle of where you both live. And pick somewhere child-friendly with an enclosed play area where the children can run about and play while you eat. Anything else is unreasonable and won't be very enjoyable. If they continue to be inflexible, tell them you'll meet them for lunch in a few years' time when your children are better able to sit still for a 6 hour stretch without playing up.

I would, but I quite like driving as an activity so I'd make a day of it by finding a pretty route. Kids certainly wouldn't though so I wouldn't put them through it.

It's not too far in theory, but only if you were going somewhere that would be at least relatively entertaining for the kids - a pub with a good play area, or a farm park with a nice cafe or something.

I’d do it for an activity but realistically the kids will be in the car abs then needing to sit down and then in the car again. Chances are they’ll be a pain. I’d do an hour for a lunch, preferably somewhere with a pub garden.

@MyDcAreMarvel

2-3 hours each way. People in the UK are very dramatic when it comes to driving relatively short distances.

This.

I agree it's too far just for lunch. Either think of other things to do as well as lunch or find a place to meet halfway between you.

without kids - yes i would and have

with kids - god no. nightmare. hell no

I wouldn’t do it personally. We travelled 1.5 hours to the coast a couple of weeks ago and that was enough for our 2.5 year old, any more and he’d have been a total nightmare.

@sunflowersandbuttercups Nothing to do with being dramatic, more to do with the fact that driving long distances with small children is generally a huge waste of time.

Frequent toilet breaks, car sickness, bored children, screaming children, tantrums...why would you want to put yourself through almost 4 hours of that to have lunch at the pub?!
I have 8 children , a few years ago I had five children under the age of five , that wasn’t my experience at all. Possibly one toilet break but not airways necessary, movie on DVD player , audible books and old fashioned eye spy passed the time just fine. Your life is very limited if you only drive an hour from hour home.

*your