To think it's a bit sad that both people nowadays need to work to afford a household?

[Lowef]

I know this isn't a popular opinion on MN but was thinking how rubbish it is that today mostly both parents need to be working to be able to afford the basics of food, clothing, rent. mortgage etc for the family without being on the breadline.

I have really fond memories of playing with my mum in the garden planting pots, watching her cook whilst i sat on the worktop. She'd collect us from school everyday and on fridays she'd have baked some warm muffins, sweet buns which were still warm and fresh from the oven. She'd give some to my friends too. She taught me so many things like sewing, cooking, gardening (she was very green fingered), growing veg. She spent alot of time with us kids and i look back at those days really fondly.

In comparison I am nothing like this with my children - I just don't seem to have the time and energy for the things she did. I can't bake cupcakes in time for the kids school pick up as they're in the after school club. Dinner is a quick whisk up whatever I have in the freezer / fridge , I'm too frazzled and tired for spending lots of time with the kids. DH is the same.

In an an ideal world i would love to be a SAHM and have more energy and time for my family and myself too instead of just rushing through life. The years are going by so fast and most of my energy and life is taken up by work. The children are growing up so quickly.

Not sure if anyone else feels the same too or if ill get an MN roasting!

@maddiemookins16mum why the assumption that ‘she’ is the one who shouldn’t work or ‘need’ to however you define that?

Down the line the rewards are there in terms of pensions, it’s the only way young people will ever actually retire to work while they are young.

My DM was a single parent and had to work, she taught us a very strong work ethic, sharing jobs around the home, and the 3 of us all looking out for each other.
I wouldn't change it.

@LH1987

Well, another Mumsnet thread that makes me feel guilty for working, thanks.....

That’s on you though 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m full time working and I don’t feel in the slightest bit guilty reading this thread. People should be able to talk about it without worrying about other people being sensitive - and the title didn’t exactly need a trigger warning!

I agree with you OP. I have such fond memories of my mum always being there as soon as school finished, coming home and having the whole evening to relax and she was just always there. I could have friends over, go to the park, go to friends houses, go to activities.
I actually think as finances have changed and more women have HAD to work this has caused a cultural shift where now more women WANT to work because it is considered a failing to not work.
I saw on a thread the other day someone saying she hates watching people going off on their commute out of their village knowing that all is left is the elderly and housewives and no intellectual stimulation.
When I saw that I thought, well that says it all, that right there is how attitudes have changed.

These days when you do see SAHMs it's usually just to preschoolers and babies, it's so rare to carry on beyond school age, in my social circle anyway, but those are the memories that are most poignant for me.

@LH1987 why would you feel guilty for working?

It’s rhetorical I know the answer but what bollocks. I had my first 12 years ago and

The pressure to give up work was immense. It saddens me that progress on this is still so slow

I wish we had the financial freedom to take time out of a job that doesn't suit us, time out to improve our mental health, time out to look after the little ones before they go to school. Just time out of working to consider what our priorities are, what career we want to change to, to retrain. But 2 incomes is essential and that leaves little or no room to think or be. That's what makes me a bit sad.

In the 60s/70s etc when 1 worked 1 stayed at home, I'll bet they decorated their house themselves, had secondhand furniture, secondhand fridge, washing machine etc. the kitchen that come with the house stayed put a good few years ditto the bathroom. Holidays were camping in the UK, buses were fine you didn't need a car. You rarely ate out, takeaways were once a month max. Cinema was a birthday treat, etc And pay was £2k/year at 18 by the end of the 70s
All relative.

@randomer

I think its bloody evil to be taking babies and toddlers to some childcare facility at 7 am in winter and picking them up at 6 pm.

don't know what the answer is, but that stinks.

Evil you sound utterly ridiculous.

@mrwalkensir

You can see how it changed when more that one's person income could be considered on a mortgage. Strip out inflation etc and it pretty much doubled housing costs.

You are right- 2 people earning means more could be spent on housing

Currently the gov has cut stamp duty - as a result house prices have risen (people know the house will sell for more - as the buyer does not need to pay SD)..

Totally right but also very short sighted. If fewer people worked there would be less in tax. There would be less paid into pensions. It isn’t just about house prices.

My mum worked when I was a child (70s/80s). But she was lucky that she didn't have to do so. It was badly paid work that she did because she thought it was important, it stimulated her emotionally and intellectually. She did social work and counselling for young disadvantaged women and girls.

She worked 4 days a week and was usually home when we got home from school. She was a great role model for me and my sister.

Nope, not BU at all.
It’s not new though. My mum tells me how she used to look out of her office window and feel so sad at seeing mums with prams walking past. It’s what she wanted to do. She had to work, though, because my dad didn’t earn enough to support us all. This this was 1966.

Nowadays ? What on earth are you talking about ? My Mother worked in the 1960s/1970s when I was a child . I had to work when I had my children . Both of us in professional roles in the SE.

My parents both worked full-time to make ends meet. There was a lot of time during the holidays spent at my grandparents, going to my parents place of work, staying at a cousin’s etc. I respect my parents for being grafters, but it would have been lovely to spend more time with them when I was small. I have been part-time for years because I have the choice, and it works for our family.

I did the stay at home thing when mine were little but went to work once they started school. I'm not one for cooking, gardening, cleaning etc, I'm better off at work. Both my husband and I work and we both take responsibility for the house and the kids. Growing up, I saw loads of my mum but not do much my dad. My mum cooked, cleaned, shopped, my dad worked long hours.
My kids don't have a childhood like mine, but that's ok. Some things are better for them, some things are worse but they are happy, they are loved and they have opportunities that I didn't have.
I'm sure it's the same for your kids - I'm sure they are happy and loved, that's more important than homemade muffins.

My mum worked in the 80s. She worked 7 days a week just to get by, despite my dad working too. Most people I knew had mums with a main job, plus an extra shift here or there at the weekend.

My gran worked in a factory from the age of 14 until she retired.

My life as a working mum is significantly easier than either of theirs. I have decent maternity leave, flexible working, minimal labour intensive housework.

My parents worked every day in the 70’s. We never had money but were always home. Self employed. I can’t see much has changed. We are similar.

The choice is there. You have to live further/ok be commutes longer or have few holidays like they did in the 70s . You can still live on one salary. It might not be possible for the next generation though

A lot of posters here are harking back to a past that only existed for a brief period of time - and even then not for everyone. My mum didn't work because my parents consciously made that choice; that was a luxury for them because my dad made far more money (in his modest professional job) than his own parents. Both my grandmothers worked, because outside of a middle class bubble that was the normal thing for women to do in the 50s.

The child-focused housewife role is a product of Victorian idealistion of motherhood. For most of history, most women have worked in some way (in factories, in the fields, in crafting goods to sell) to help support their households, and those rich enough not to need to tended to outsource childcare to other, poorer women. Women in 2021 choosing to stay at home with their kids and being able to actually devote that time to their kids rather than to churning butter by hand etc are living lives of luxury that our Victorian great great grandmothers would be astonished by.

I agree, it’s really not optimal
For small children to be in full time childcare.

@Lowef

for those of you where you both work FT and are happy with this, don't you feel frazzled, aren't you knackered?! I dont have the energy or the mindset to be playing/ baking or whatever with the kids or even doing anything for myself even. I cant cram everything into a weekend - i just need to chill out and switch off too.

No. We've both worked hard all our lives and have wonderful well adjusted children.

@underneaththeash

I agree, it’s really not optimal For small children to be in full time childcare.

Why not? 🙄

@user113424742258631134

Women had their independence forcibly removed. Had test lives forcibly restricted and limited. Suffered significant mental suffering as a result. And you think it's sad society has moved away from that?

Your op is quite clearly bemoaning that women work outside the home rather than having no choice but to stay at home - despite your disingenuous thread title, you've not once said how sad it is that men are missing out on being at home instead of working. It's just women you want out of the workplace.

So quite how you can then say that sex equality hadn't even occurred to you escapes me.

Some of these posts are actually pretty sick when you consider what having no rights to exist as an independent human being used to mean for women.

I've not mentioned women at all. I personally would love to be a SAHM or pt even. All I'm saying 2 people in a household need to work. They could be a fucking gay couple with kids but they'd both need to work - doesn't matter if they're a man or woman!