Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was she just pretending to be nice?

73 replies

Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 15:35

If you met someone a few times through a friend and they seemed like they wanted to get to know you more, saying we should definitely go for coffee, we should go for walk etc.
So you decide to message them and they read it but don't reply. You try again a couple of months later and once again no reply. Yet you know they're meeting up with others, I know the answer is to stop bothering, I just don't get why people do this whole oh we should go for a drink soon! When they have no intention and can't even take 2 seconds to reply to you.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 29/04/2021 15:39

I wouldn’t have messaged her the second time. You knew you’d been ignored the first time.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 15:41

I think the first time I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she had just been too busy or forgotten to reply.

OP posts:
BerniesMittens · 29/04/2021 15:43

saying we should definitely go for coffee, we should go for walk etc

Means exactly the opposite unless you make plans immediately to be at Starbucks at 11. Otherwise it's a throwaway remark.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 15:43

What's odd is that I saw her recently in the street, no mention of the messages but she did the exact same thing "We really should go for a drink soon!" Except this time I didn't bother trying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 15:44

Yeah I guess people do it to try and be polite, ah well.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 29/04/2021 15:46

I'd have laughed when she said that in the street and said, Yeah. You arrange it then, cheerio!

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 15:47

This is just a throw away line some folks use to be nice. It’s not meant to be literal. It’s like “see you soon” when there is literally no plans to do so.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 15:47

Yeah I found it a bit audacious really. Ah well it's her problem I guess, not someone I should bother with any more.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 29/04/2021 15:50

She sounds rather false. Most people manage to be friendly and polite without spewing out fake social invitations every time they cross your path. I don't get it either Op.

Unless of course you have the wrong number for her Grin which would explain the ignoring of texts.

Don't take it personally, sounds like you haven't done anything wrong.

FlyNow · 29/04/2021 16:02

Yes, don't take it personally OP. Even though like everyone, I know what "we should catch up soon!" usually means, I've been caught out a few times too. It's annoying, you can be polite without the pretense.

purpleme12 · 29/04/2021 16:09

I don't understand it either
I don't understand people on here who say it's just a throwaway comment and people who seem to say it's obviously not meant truthfully
Well just don't say it!
No one makes you say it so just don't

CovidSmart · 29/04/2021 16:09

I agree a lot of people say that sort of stuff just to look nice and don’t mean one word of it.

I also find that sort if attitude rubbish and actually quite rude. Someone saying ‘we should be having a different together’ and then putting you in the spot with a ‘what about next Thursday at 11.00am’ isn’t very nice either when you actually don’t know the person, what their life is and what they can or can’t do.
Carrying on playing the game of ‘oh look I’m so nice and Id like to spend more time with you’ when you’ve already shown TWICE that you dint mean it?? I mean rude can it be? That’s really taking the other person for a fool/thinking they are stupid. You dint want to meet up. Fine but stop pretending.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 16:11

@FlyNow

Yes, don't take it personally OP. Even though like everyone, I know what "we should catch up soon!" usually means, I've been caught out a few times too. It's annoying, you can be polite without the pretense.
This, this is what it means basically, unless they say “ let’s set a date, when are you free” it’s a throw away line. Like Great talking to you when it’s been no such thing.
MattDillonsEyebrows · 29/04/2021 16:17

I’m going to go against the grain here as if I say I’d like to do coffee or meet up, I genuinely mean it! If I don’t want to, I don’t suggest it.

My problem is I’m so flipping disorganised I never get round to organising it myself. If I’m seen at other places, it mostly because Someone else has arranged it and all I’ve had to do is turn up.

So I’m always grateful for a second message pushing for a date, as it gets my arse into gear.

SmileyClare · 29/04/2021 16:18

I think there's a difference between "Hope to see you you soon/ must catch up" and stating enthusiastically that We should definitely meet up for drinks, we could meet for a walk?, a coffee etc.

That's crossing the line into fake weird behaviour if you have no intention or desire to do those things.

Perhaps this woman can't help it, like a nervous tic she feels compelled to blurt out these invitations. Confused

krustykittens · 29/04/2021 16:20

We had this with a new neighbour. We moved into a new place and she introduced herself and asked for my number, saying we should go for a ride (both horse owners). She texted me everyday until I found time for a hack, where she mined me for information and then - radio silence. About a month afterwards she bumped into me and told me we MUST go out again another time, so I said, "Fine, when? Let's arrange a time right now," and stared at her, waiting for an answer. She looked flustered and dashed off, never heard from her since and I just acknowledge her when I pass. She clearly just told all the other horsey people round here she would find out all about us when we moved in but I hate the fact that she was so manipulative and thinks I would be too stupid to notice. It's hurtful, OP, when people are so false, but you just have to shrug it off and move on. It is their failing, not yours.

EssentialHummus · 29/04/2021 16:21

I can’t get my head around why people (women?) do this. I have someone who does this to me routinely. I now just nod, basically. Just find some other way to say goodbye.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 16:33

Agreed, nobody is forcing them to say it. Just seems a bit pointless and false now.

OP posts:
stackemhigh · 29/04/2021 16:44

I wouldn’t bother going through the whole fake rigmarole with her anymore.

A brief nod maybe is all she’s getting, and then hurry off.

catmothertes1 · 29/04/2021 16:46

@Bluntness100

This is just a throw away line some folks use to be nice. It’s not meant to be literal. It’s like “see you soon” when there is literally no plans to do so.
I'm not from the UK and have learnt over the years that it's something British people say but very often do not mean. At least,mobile phones and messaging makes it easier. In the old days of landlines,when I took people at their words,I would phone them to arrange to meet up and soon realised they were giving me all kinds of excuses!
catmothertes1 · 29/04/2021 16:48

@Sweetaddiction88

Agreed, nobody is forcing them to say it. Just seems a bit pointless and false now.
It is false,people who want to seem nice and friendly but clearly are not.
BetterKateThanNever · 29/04/2021 17:05

She was definitely being nice, but doesn't want to meet up- or can't make plans at the moment. It's not that she's pretending to be nice, she's pretending to be interested in meeting up with you.

Original poster
Sweetaddiction88 · 29/04/2021 19:22

It's a struggle to make friends as it is, you think you've met someone who wants to be then things like this happen, it's just a letdown.

OP posts:
rainbowfairydust · 29/04/2021 19:29

It's rude, I'd put her on the spot and say I sent you a message but wondered if I got the number wrong as you didn't reply?? Then watch her squirm, will stop her saying it again if she has no intention of meeting!

eatsleepread · 29/04/2021 19:35

I hate superficial behaviour like that too, OP!

Swipe left for the next trending thread