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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL and benefits fraud - WWYD

152 replies

grabzyy · 29/04/2021 13:36

I know IABU for not minding my own business but this is really bugging me and I don't think it's fair. SIL and I get on quite well, she tells me a lot about her private life and I've always been there to listen and help as much as I can. About 2 months ago, she told me that her boyfriend has moved in with her so they can save money for a house deposit. She said she hasn't told UC because her payments would be affected as a result of how much he earns and they can't afford to not save the extra money. I told her that I'm sure she can get in trouble and get a fine if they find out and she said they're 'just seeing how things go and if it works out first'. I'm really annoyed about this because I feel like it's benefit fraud and she shouldn't be lying to them regardless of how much her payments will be affected but at the same time I also don't want her to get in trouble. What would you do?

OP posts:

fluffysocks89 · 29/04/2021 16:02

@Garliccoriander

Are all the posters who are agreeing that it’s acceptable willing to hand over more of their income to accommodate other people’s choices.?

That doesn’t happen. Benefits don’t go up and down depending on how many fraudulent claims there are. I’d be very happy to see UC payments go up though.......and actually there’s millions that go unclaimed in benefits every year. I actually think it’s criminal the way UC is designed to impoverish people.

Original poster

grabzyy · 29/04/2021 16:04

Honestly, I'm not sure about the savings part but I know some of her savings are in one of MIL's accounts or at least they were last year, I have no idea why - I never asked. May have just been temporary though.

@Somanysocks I'm not sure at all, she never mentioned council tax to me.

OP posts:

Original poster

grabzyy · 29/04/2021 16:06

Yes, there are many things she tells me that I wish she never did but this is by far the most serious.

OP posts:

loveheartss · 29/04/2021 16:06

The nature of their relationship is entirely relevant, the fact they have a child is too.

You might of had some slightly different replies if you had omitted this information at the beginning because myself and others thought it was sensible that she protecting herself and her children. Then it is revealed halfway through that actually they have a child together so he is responsible for at least one of them.

It puts an entirely different dynamic on the situation, at least it does for me.

JustSleepAlready · 29/04/2021 16:07

Report without a seconds pause. Chances are someone else will have dobbed her in anyway. And she will never know it was you. Trust me - I have worked in this exact field.

Babyroobs · 29/04/2021 16:09

@grabzyy

@Somanysocks I'm not sure at all, she never mentioned council tax to me.

Ok well if she's already hiding savings from the DWP that is fraud by itself without the boyfriend issue !!

Original poster

grabzyy · 29/04/2021 16:10

@loveheartss I suppose you're right, I should have made that clear, I just didn't think the child was relevant as she does have 2 other children too so didn't think it made much of a difference. But yes, it's not a random boyfriend. They have a baby daughter and they've been together for 2 years.

OP posts:

RightOnTheEdge · 29/04/2021 16:11

murbblurb
he sounds a poor choice to spread her legs for but that isn't a crime
Why do you need to talk about women in such a disgusting way? It says much more about you than them.

I would be worried about someone reporting her. When my neighbour's son broke up with his partner and moved back in with her, my neighbour on the other side couldn't wait to report her for benefit fraud.
Thankfully she had done the right thing and already told them of the change but if your sister has a neighbour like that she could be in trouble.

My sister and her partner got reported years ago and my sister ended up with a tag on. I've no idea who reported them.
People think they won't get caught but they do and there are serious consequences.

winched · 29/04/2021 16:13

I did say in one of The first comments that they've been together for 2 years and to me that is a pretty committed relationship, not just a fling. That's why the 'we're seeing how it goes' just didn't sit right with me for some reason.

Obviously this case is slightly different because he fathered one of her children but I absolutely don't think 2 years is that committed of a relationship when there are children involved, either on both sides or on the mothers side.

It can all fall apart when new man moves in. And then it's usually the woman who is totally fucked by the system - either because she lost her tax credits and has to now move over to UC, or because she has to make a new UC claim and wait however many weeks until it starts up.

I think in most cases it's totally sensible to see how things go for 6 months before you start to rely on a man to provide for your children and pay your rent.

If the people at the top weren't doing exactly the same in different ways, then yeah I could get annoyed about it. I can also get annoyed at people who do this long term (and living in a "deprived area", I know a few) i.e they've been with the guy 8 years and repeatedly had children with him, and have lived together the entire time BUT on paper guy still lives at his mothers address. That annoys me the same way any sort of fraud does. But seeing how things go for a reasonable period of time seems sensible to me, even if the relationship is 2 years, it's totally different when children are involved and the couple starts living together, and it's a precarious situation for any woman who relies on benefits to put herself in.

They're basically giving up their financial independence.

fantasmasgoria1 · 29/04/2021 16:17

I don't think you should do anything. If her relationship does not work out, to then sort out benefits again etc takes a long time and can be very stressful.

VeryLongBeeeeep · 29/04/2021 16:18

With every iteration of recent governments I have been increasingly unable to get het up about benefit fraud. There is more saved in unclaimed amounts that people would be eligible for than is paid out in fraudulent claims (DWP's own figures). The system is deliberately labyrinthine, off-putting, inefficient and weighted against the claimant. Having supported someone through a claim (PIP rather than UC, but I can't imagine the UC side of things is notably more pleasant and respectful) and seen first-hand how the system treated a person with multiple disabilities like the shit off someone's shoe, I'll save my ire for those much further up the food chain. And if it means a comparatively small number of people get something they're not entitled to from one of the richest countries in the world, then that would be a small price to pay if those struggling could get what they need and be treated with some dignity by the state in the process.

Original poster

grabzyy · 29/04/2021 16:21

@fantasmasgoria1

I don't think you should do anything. If her relationship does not work out, to then sort out benefits again etc takes a long time and can be very stressful.

Yes, I will not be doing anything, maybe just mention in a conversation how dangerous it is if it continues but that's about it. Her UC payments would not be stopped or lost, just reduced from what she said to me.

OP posts:

VeryLongBeeeeep · 29/04/2021 16:23

It also amazes me how freely some people talk about the minutiae of their finances, and how they always manage to pick as the person in whom they confide the one who turns out to disapprove of their actions and subsequently pastes them all over social media. I can honestly say that in my 50-mumble years on this planet, no one has ever told me in whose name their savings are stored - and I have one of those faces that gets complete strangers telling me their life stories on buses and trains.

SofiaMichelle · 29/04/2021 16:27

Your SIL and partner are scum. No better than fucking burglars or muggers.

I utterly detest cheating scammers. I would report like shot and never speak to her ever again.

She should be prosecuted along with her scummy partner.

loveheartss · 29/04/2021 16:34

@SofiaMichelle

Your SIL and partner are scum. No better than fucking burglars or muggers.

I utterly detest cheating scammers. I would report like shot and never speak to her ever again.

She should be prosecuted along with her scummy partner.

never speak to her ever again? Bit dramatic.

nottman · 29/04/2021 16:35

I don't think it's a good idea to be plastering your SIL's situation all over mumsnet. They are watching out there. Be carefull.

Maggiesfarm · 29/04/2021 16:40

Grabzy: Yes, I will not be doing anything, maybe just mention in a conversation how dangerous it is if it continues but that's about it. Her UC payments would not be stopped or lost, just reduced from what she said to me.
.......
Good.

Please try not to think about it any more and do urge her not to tell anyone else.

SofiaMichelle · 29/04/2021 16:45

@Maggiesfarm

Please try not to think about it any more and do urge her not to tell anyone else.

What about urging her to stop committing benefit fraud?

KizzyMoo · 29/04/2021 16:45

My next door neighbours partner hasn't moved in with her for this exact reason. She has a disabled child and she's worried about having to rely on the bf for the money she will loose in benefits. They been together over 5 years his cars outside about 3 times a week. She said she loves it 😆 they are not interested in having more kids.

Babyroobs · 29/04/2021 16:47

[quote grabzyy]@loveheartss I suppose you're right, I should have made that clear, I just didn't think the child was relevant as she does have 2 other children too so didn't think it made much of a difference. But yes, it's not a random boyfriend. They have a baby daughter and they've been together for 2 years. [/quote]
This makes it all the more disgusting . If it was a new relationship and she was testing the waters I can kind of understand it but this kind of thing infuriates me when they are in a stable relationship with a child and she is claiming as single. PM me her details and i'll kindly report them for you.

Mum2Girls19 · 29/04/2021 16:49

I would be reporting her too...
Situations like this is why income tax increases, which is why working people get the crap end of the deal..

Benefits are for people who need benefits not who want the cake and to eat it too...

I would be refusing to speak to her also and reporting them so fast

PM me too I would report her also as @Babyroobs says

Garyunicorn · 29/04/2021 16:51

If you saw her stealing an old lady’s purse, would you defend that too? Just because you can’t see a victim doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Anyone who turns a blind eye is just as much a cheat and deceitful.

percheron67 · 29/04/2021 16:58

i would report anyone I knew was committing benefit fraud. There is only so much money too go around. If people cheat the system if could take money from people who really need it.

Maggiesfarm · 29/04/2021 16:59

[quote SofiaMichelle]@Maggiesfarm

Please try not to think about it any more and do urge her not to tell anyone else.

What about urging her to stop committing benefit fraud?[/quote]
The op did say she would stress to her sister in law how dangerous/wrong it was. I don't think she can do much more short of shopping her to the authorities and that would be dreadful; anyway, she isn't going to do that.

Babyroobs · 29/04/2021 17:00

Op, not sure if you claim UC yourself but do you realize we are talking about hundreds of pounds or possibly over a thousand each month ( depending whether your sil works )that is being fraudulently claimed ? The issue really is that if/ when she gets caught ( and she will ), the longer it has gone on at this level of fraud the worse the consequences for her are going to be and it will be her that suffers the consequences not her bf because she is the one with the claim in her name. I think you really need to appeal to her to stop doing this, perhaps express her concern for her and her children if she gets caught ??

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