SIL and benefits fraud - WWYD

[grabzyy]

I know IABU for not minding my own business but this is really bugging me and I don't think it's fair. SIL and I get on quite well, she tells me a lot about her private life and I've always been there to listen and help as much as I can. About 2 months ago, she told me that her boyfriend has moved in with her so they can save money for a house deposit. She said she hasn't told UC because her payments would be affected as a result of how much he earns and they can't afford to not save the extra money. I told her that I'm sure she can get in trouble and get a fine if they find out and she said they're 'just seeing how things go and if it works out first'. I'm really annoyed about this because I feel like it's benefit fraud and she shouldn't be lying to them regardless of how much her payments will be affected but at the same time I also don't want her to get in trouble. What would you do?

I'm going to give a different point of view. Are you concerned your SIL is vulnerable (for example to future faking), or being coerced?

Its very common for women to end up being the ones carrying the can in this kind of situation. Its unlikely she'll be able to save any money and she's taking all of the risk.
He can walk away at any time, she'll end up single and no better off.

As for reporting her, I wouldn't do anything to make children living on benefits any worse off.

And honestly, if she manages to save enough with the benefit money to get a house of her own, good for her. You do all realise that unless she’s in a council house, which is highly unlikely, the benefit she has been claiming legally has been going into the pocket of a landlord anyway. The state would actually be saving money if she manages to buy, even if she does fiddle the social for a bit. I’m not condoning it, but let’s face it, the landlord whose pockets’ housing benefit goes into are hardly deserving of your tax money, are they.

@loveheartss I've read online that you have to report a change to UC, especially if another adult who brings home a full-time salary moves in and is contributing towards household bills. She told me he pays 1/2 towards the rent as well as all her utility/household bills which would all normally come out of her UC money. So if anything, she has more money to her name and independence to do what she wants. And I understand the 'why should he be responsible for her children' question, I agree but the youngest one is his so surely he should be responsible for her?

I'd keep out of it, but totally get why your cross.

@Whatisthisfuckery I'm sure it was mentioned up thread that she lives in a council house, unless I misread! But still, I would never report this woman, and shame on those saying to dob her in!

Would you condone stealing food from a shop? Would you condone taking a free train journey? Benefit fraud is just as bad (as is tax dodging).

fraud is ok on MN, sadly.

tell her that she's committing fraud and is thus being extremely stupid telling people about it. The decent thing to do would be to stop committing fraud.

from the other updates, he sounds a poor choice to spread her legs for but that isn't a crime.

@newnortherner111

Would you condone stealing food from a shop? Would you condone taking a free train journey? Benefit fraud is just as bad (as is tax dodging).

Considering how extortionate train journeys are in this country, I doubt many people would bat an eyelid.

@murbblurb

fraud is ok on MN, sadly.

tell her that she's committing fraud and is thus being extremely stupid telling people about it. The decent thing to do would be to stop committing fraud.

from the other updates, he sounds a poor choice to spread her legs for but that isn't a crime.

Spread her legs?

@newnortherner111 I wouldn't begrudge someone for stealing food if they were struggling, same for taking a free journey if they really needed to get to work to pay bills etc but can't afford the journey. It's not something I would do, but even if people were doing those things for the sake of it, I'm hardly going to grass them up to be honest. Would you?

I would do nothing at all.

Your sister in law was stupid to confide that sort of information to anyone.

I might not agree with benefit fraud, but I don't get how some people are this disgusted. And yes I pay my taxes too!

This is theft from the public purse. If you were to leave money lying around and someone took it wouldn’t you be annoyed.

Yes she needs to report any changes to Uc.

@newnortherner111

Would you condone stealing food from a shop? Would you condone taking a free train journey? Benefit fraud is just as bad (as is tax dodging).

LMAO. Free train journey.... why not? 🤣😂

Benefit fraud usually annoys me but I completely agree with your SIL re seeing how things go.

There should be a period of maybe 6 months before the new boyfriend is expected to pay for his new girlfriend's children (and lets be real that's what this is in most cases, the lost benefits needs to come from somewhere).

Are all the posters who are agreeing that it’s acceptable willing to hand over more of their income to accommodate other people’s choices.?

Personally I'd not report her she must know it's wrong but if she is seeing how it goes it doesn't not bode well for the future to me she seems to have doubts.
To be honest she needs to look at the numbers and see if it's worth the risk.

I get you are a bit annoyed, grabzy, and of course benefit fraud is wrong but there isn't anything you can do about it.

If it wasn't your sister in law, with whom you are friendly, but someone else you only know slightly, you would have no knowledge of this.

You aren't going to grass up family so try to put it out of your mind.

Tell her to keep details of personal finances to herself in future; telling you is one thing but she shouldn't be so free with information to anybody else. Let's face it, most people wouldn't want to know! I bet you wished you didn't know.

I think the fact that he is one of their dads is an important thing you probably should of mentioned before the 4th page of replies.

From your OP it made it sounds like he was a random boyfriend who she was trialling the relationship with and seeing how it went, not that he was in fact a man she had a child with..

Obviously he should be as equally responsible for his child as your SIL is.

Why did you not include this information initially because it comes across as a major drip feed?

@PatrickBatemann

Why would you even want to? I could only ever imagine doing it to my worst enemy (and even then I still probably wouldn't) - not my own family

I’m with this I’m afraid. I’d probably tell her that their databases are starting to get better and if he is there for more than 6months then it would be wise to fess up. I wouldn’t ever report her though.

Is she keeping her 25% council tax discount as well?

Unless her boyfriend is keeping all the money they are saving for the house deposit in his account ( very risky for her ), then she is taking a huge risk as any savings over 6k will reduce her Uc and the DWP can and do check if they want to.

It's theft basically from everyone who pays taxes, and serious crime with very serious consequences. I wouldn't report a family member and wouldn't tell anyone, but if you know, so will other people. I would definitely report someone who I wasn't close to. I'd be very unhappy that she'd told me about it at all, because when she is eventually found out, she will suspect me even if I said nothing and it will be a strain on family relations.

@loveheartss because I knew he paid for his daughter when he didn't live there and always got her what she needed so I didn't think it had anything to do with UC or household bills. I did say in one of The first comments that they've been together for 2 years and to me that is a pretty committed relationship, not just a fling. That's why the 'we're seeing how it goes' just didn't sit right with me for some reason.