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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

was my response rude?

69 replies

emi93 · 28/04/2021 19:44

So my mum asked me if I wanted her to bring a car seat she's got at her house (my nieces (not used anymore) ) for my 3 year old.

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

(I said this because she has dogs that roam everywhere, in the car, house etc) and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

Cue her screaming at me saying "I'm a jumped up little shit, why would I think she would offer me a ripped tatty car seat, she's cleaned it, not let the dogs near it etc" and apparently I'm an ungrateful bitch because I told her not to buy too much baby stuff because I'm trying to keep my house minimalistic when she told me last night she bought a baby blanket (I have 3 already) but I just said like "aww thanks mum but don't buy too much because I'm trying to keep things minimal and don't want too much clutter". (Okay clutter was probably the wrong word tbh)

And apparently every time she's been excited I've been annoyed? Again something I'm not aware of. I just haven't been jolly, I'm anxious, I'm in latent labour and just I don't know what I've done to dim her excitement?

I mean she's meant to be attending my induction tomorrow with me as my support partner and I'm just stressed.

OP posts:

MonicaGellerBing · 28/04/2021 19:46

Her response is way out of line and I'd be questioning being in contact with a mother who spoke to me like that, however perhaps your responses are coming across as a bit ungrateful, just accept her offers and then either charity/bin them as necessary.

Rubyrecka · 28/04/2021 19:48

Aw no. She's probably feeling quite stressed too by the sounds of it!!

My mum can be abit over sensitive at times and it doesn't take a lot to make her agitated - which is a mare cos I have to watch what I say to some extent but by the same token I know I can be quite direct which can come across in a certain way to her. Maybe there's a bit of that going on.

HeckyPeck · 28/04/2021 19:48

Unless there's a massive drip feed and you shouted or sneered it at her you weren't rude at all.

Your mum, on the other hand, was very rude. Imagine screaming and swearing at your pregnant daughter.

Have you got anyone else who could be at your induction with you? It doesn't sound like she is supportive at all.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2021 19:49

Your mum called you a jumped up little shit and an ungrateful bitch?!

You know that’s not normal right. I’d be telling her to shove her car seat up her arse and attend the induction on your own. It’s stressful enough without some foul mouthed, abusive witch with you.

lottieproject · 28/04/2021 19:58

Maybe you came across as condescending, but her reaction 😱 I wouldn't take her tomorrow.

Royalbloo · 28/04/2021 19:59

She's bonkers

Aliceandthemarchhare · 28/04/2021 20:00

monica have you thought that Op doesn’t want to be going to charity shops or the recycling centre at her stage of pregnancy!?

VladmirsPoutine · 28/04/2021 20:02

@ShirleyPhallus Your response is far ruder than anything either of the OP's mother or the OP have been accused of saying!!

SunnySideDownBriefly · 28/04/2021 20:03

Hmm, sounds like my mother. All of my special moments have been ruined by her thinking that it's her special moment, that she is the most important person and throws a tantrum that she will then pretend hasn't happened.

Has she behaved like this before? Will she talk to you in a reasonable way about her reaction and the things she said? Will she apologise in any way and take responsibility or just blame you?

themalamander · 28/04/2021 20:05

Is there a history of you speaking to her in a way that makes it seem like you're better than her? I mean do you often insinuate that she is dirty/messy/used broke and ripped things etc because of the dogs?

It's just that if you really only said what you've admitted to saying here, and her response actually mentioned, "I havent let the dogs anywhere near it" even though you didnt mention the dogs on this occasion then it feels like you perhaps have a history of putting her/her belongings down and making fun of the dog situation.

1Morewineplease · 28/04/2021 20:08

Hmmm... unlike other pps I think your referencing of minimalism to her sounds like you're saying' I don't want your unfashionable crap!" ( I've been there, and now regret my hyper new mummy tone.)
Just take her offerings. It won't hurt.

And a car seat , with a nibble on the corner is not going to hazard your child's health!

Life really is too short for this shit.

Ivycrescent · 28/04/2021 20:09

I think this probably has more to do with the dynamic between you than the actual words.
For some reason, rightly or wrongly, she feels judged by you. As though her things arent good enough for you.

Maybe this is an ongoing thing, or maybe she’s just having an oversensitive day / couple of days.

Anyway, try not to focus on it now, you’re both feeling anxious probably, take everything with a pinch of salt until baby is here because then when he/she arrives everytting else will be forgotten xxx

SaturdayRocks · 28/04/2021 20:13

Wow - she really reacted to you, didn’t she?

But, as ever, we’re only getting half the story...

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

(I said this because she has dogs that roam everywhere, in the car, house etc) and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

‘I simply said’. funny.

And the whole explanation about dogs ‘roaming’, complete with a LOL at the end.

If your Mum is always on the receiving end of these types of comments, and this was the final straw, I sort of understand her flipping.

stackemhigh · 28/04/2021 20:35

I wouldn’t accept anything from anyone who talks to me like that.

SeaTurtles92 · 28/04/2021 20:38

Not sure why people are accepting this behaviour just because it's your mum.

This is not acceptable from anyone.

themalamander · 28/04/2021 20:39

On the flip side, I wouldn't really be all the nice to a family member who put me down every chance they got about mess, dogs being allowed to walk around the house, or insinuated that all my belongings must be in a state of disrepair whenever I offered them something.

We only got one side here, and the mums response sort of shows that this is something the OP is on at her about or insulting her over quite often.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2021 20:41

[quote VladmirsPoutine]@ShirleyPhallus Your response is far ruder than anything either of the OP's mother or the OP have been accused of saying!![/quote]
I wouldn’t LITERALLY tell her to shove her car seat up her arse. I am not sure the physics of it would work.

But I find it really awful someone being called an ungrateful bitch by their mum for not wanting second hand baby junk 🤷‍♀️

Unsubscribed · 28/04/2021 20:43

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

What you could 'simply' have said was either 'Yes please' or 'No thank you'

The rest of your response was rude.

themalamander · 28/04/2021 20:46

@ShirleyPhallus

Its not junk. It's a car seat which the OP actually wants but she was rude about it. The mum then replied shouting that the dogs hadnt been anywhere near it, even though the OP didnt mention the dogs.... on this occasion. My guess is that she is very condescending and puts her mum down a lot, to elicit that sort of response.

Sammiesnake · 28/04/2021 20:47

“sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't”

Yeee... you do sound judgemental and condescending and perhaps your tone wasn’t as polite as you think it was.

SaturdayRocks · 28/04/2021 20:47

@Unsubscribed

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

What you could 'simply' have said was either 'Yes please' or 'No thank you'

The rest of your response was rude.

Exactly. If you need to explain why it wasn’t rude, then chances it may have come across as rude.

Hankunamatata · 28/04/2021 20:49

Suppose all depends on tone

stackemhigh · 28/04/2021 20:49

@Unsubscribed

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

What you could 'simply' have said was either 'Yes please' or 'No thank you'

The rest of your response was rude.

If you can’t tell your own mum that you only want a car seat of it’s in good condition then something is truly fucked up.

Voomster953 · 28/04/2021 20:54

Her reaction was insane, but I’m guessing there’s a lot more to this story...

and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

NoSquirrels · 28/04/2021 20:55

She sounds like the polar opposite of a ‘support partner’.

Is she usually like that?

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