was my response rude?

[emi93]

So my mum asked me if I wanted her to bring a car seat she's got at her house (my nieces (not used anymore) ) for my 3 year old.

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

(I said this because she has dogs that roam everywhere, in the car, house etc) and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

Cue her screaming at me saying "I'm a jumped up little shit, why would I think she would offer me a ripped tatty car seat, she's cleaned it, not let the dogs near it etc" and apparently I'm an ungrateful bitch because I told her not to buy too much baby stuff because I'm trying to keep my house minimalistic when she told me last night she bought a baby blanket (I have 3 already) but I just said like "aww thanks mum but don't buy too much because I'm trying to keep things minimal and don't want too much clutter". (Okay clutter was probably the wrong word tbh)

And apparently every time she's been excited I've been annoyed? Again something I'm not aware of. I just haven't been jolly, I'm anxious, I'm in latent labour and just I don't know what I've done to dim her excitement?

I mean she's meant to be attending my induction tomorrow with me as my support partner and I'm just stressed.

To be fair, I wouldn't use a car seat that not been used for 2 years and sat in a house with dogs. Your mum is completely in the wrong here by speaking to you like that, surely she must know what you have been through in the past, must understand you're worried etc. I'd completely fuck her off for the birth partner tomorrow as I wouldn't want the stress of having to worry about her reaction if you happen to scream out in pain, is she going to take that a personal dig too?

God, why to people have to be such headaches?

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Your mum has behaved appallingly. She is making it all about her at the time when it really should be about you.
You did nothing to justify her behaviour. Your question was perfectly fair. There is no justification for her response.
Please put yourself and your baby first. If you can, try to do something relaxing and switch off from her comments.

Does she normally talk to you like that ?

Tbh it doesn't matter if your replies were rude,tactless whatever. It's completely irrelevant. Unless you also swore at her, nothing gives her the right to talk to you like that.

If you would've posted about another family member or your husband everyone would say they're abusive, not nitpicking at your behaviour and how you said what you said.

@Unsubscribed

I never thought she would bring a dirty car seat or nothing

That might be the problem OP because your response implied that you did. My guess is that your Mum will ring you to apologise for the way she reacted ,and you can say sorry if you offended her, and all will be well. Good luck with everything

When's the last time your mum called you a bitch and a little shit?

You both communicate in different ways and rub each other up the wrong way

But she should not use that language and should apologise

You should not bring up the dogs as it's a trigger for her

Also a personality clash where I totally accept that even with exciting news some personalities are not outwardly joyful. I can see that you are having complicated complex emotions about the birth but some people do not have that emotional intelligence. This is not their fault but they do come across as insensitive.

This has happens to me lots and someone says I have put a dampener on it. You can try to work on your communication skills but it's for other people's benefit as much as your own

My mum has been reading this thread, and called me up, this thread is like a family therapy session for us and we managed to resolve the issues. Basically misunderstanding and sensitivity on both parts.

And we had to agree to disagree on some of it too!

Fantastic news, I was hoping this would be the case, take care

Awww that is really good news, happy for you both! I wish you the best of luck with everything tomorrow

OP i am glad you managed to sort our things with your mum, now you can focus on your induction. All the best with it and enjoy your new baby when they arrive.

Perhaps if the name calling is a common occurrence then that could be addressed at some point in the future when you've less on your minds. (Sorry OPs mum if you're still reading, i know there is 2 sides to the story but i really dislike a parent calling thier children names).

Congratulations to you all

I mean was this done on text? Tone is everything. You do sound a bit condescending.....

It sounds like there's a lot of history - but you did ask her to be your birth partner and presumably you know her buttons?

When she offers why not say either cni, thank you" or "can you bring it so I can have a look, and take it back if it's not suitable." (eg say it doesn't fit your car or something.)

Difficult to judge without protecting but if my daughter kept insinuating my things were grubby and I disrepair I'd be upset (not scream though). IDK maybe she'd had a bad day?

She over reacted to the extreme. Yanbu. I certainly don’t think it’s rude to say you don’t want to accept a car seat if it is in poor condition

I think it probably did seem hurtful to her. I'd be pretty put out if someone had said that to me.

BUT her response was WAY OTT

Also, a "jumped up little shit"?! Is your mum Danny Dyer? 😂😂

Her reaction was extreme but your response wasn’t the most thoughtful either. I think it would’ve been better to say something like ‘yes, if it’s still in good condition’ rather than detailing how it might be torn or covered in dog hairs...

Also think it wouldn’t kill you to gracefully accept a blanket. It’s just a blanket, it won’t cause clutter.

Have you had this conversation about not wanting loads of stuff a few times now?

If so and she's not listening then she's very rude.

Her response over the car seat was pathetic.

Does she usually make everything about her?

I'm glad you've managed to sort it out and clear the air. Have you thought about taking your new baby to a house that's 'a bit doggy'? Particularly if they can be nippy?

Your mum sounds very nasty and extremely self-absorbed, like your pregnancy is all about her, and you have to react how you want. Who the fuck does that rude upstart think she is?!?? It's YOUR body, YOUR pregnancy, she is supposed to support you, not think of herself and stress you out. Giving away your dog because she couldn't stand dogs just shows what a heartless monster she is and how everything has to be about her and what she wants, she is a classic self-absorbed narcissist. And now to have dogs that run everywhere and get into everything, and she can't even do even the most basic of obedience training to stop them biting? She sounds lazy and neglectful as well. I would not have your vulnerable daughter and newborn baby visit her house. She is irresponsible and it seems dirty and lazy. If your baby or daughter were bitten you'd never forgive yourself, but your mum sounds like the type to shrug her shoulders and not give a shit that your baby or child were bitten. It's people like her who are unfit dog owners and give dog owners a bad name. No mother would ever speak to me the way that bitch of a 'mother' spoke to you without me going NC. You have enough stress, without that precious self-absorbed bitch making dramas over nothing and making everything about herself. It should be her making you feel excited, it's not your job to make her feel excited, she has the duties all back to front. It should be all about you; how you feel, what you want. Her feelings come a distant second as she supports you. This is all about you. It's not about her or her feelings, she can go to buggery with that entitled narcissistic selfishness.
At least, that is how it is supposed to be. To me, I'd write her off and go NC until she had a dramatic 180 attitude change, and learned to become a decent and responsible dog owner (karma would be the RSPCA or someone taking her dogs from her). She isn't worth it.