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AIBU?

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Original poster

was my response rude?

69 replies

emi93 · 28/04/2021 19:44

So my mum asked me if I wanted her to bring a car seat she's got at her house (my nieces (not used anymore) ) for my 3 year old.

I simply said "yes, if it's still in good condition like no rips or anything then yeah thank you"

(I said this because she has dogs that roam everywhere, in the car, house etc) and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

Cue her screaming at me saying "I'm a jumped up little shit, why would I think she would offer me a ripped tatty car seat, she's cleaned it, not let the dogs near it etc" and apparently I'm an ungrateful bitch because I told her not to buy too much baby stuff because I'm trying to keep my house minimalistic when she told me last night she bought a baby blanket (I have 3 already) but I just said like "aww thanks mum but don't buy too much because I'm trying to keep things minimal and don't want too much clutter". (Okay clutter was probably the wrong word tbh)

And apparently every time she's been excited I've been annoyed? Again something I'm not aware of. I just haven't been jolly, I'm anxious, I'm in latent labour and just I don't know what I've done to dim her excitement?

I mean she's meant to be attending my induction tomorrow with me as my support partner and I'm just stressed.

OP posts:
Voomster953 · 28/04/2021 20:55

Are you the queen of passive aggressive ‘lol’s usually?

PineappleTart · 28/04/2021 20:56

Something small is easier to accept and hide away but a car seat for a three year old? Who wants to trip over that if it's covered in dog hair?

Having said that hopefully all will be well tomorrow

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2021 20:56

[quote themalamander]@ShirleyPhallus

Its not junk. It's a car seat which the OP actually wants but she was rude about it. The mum then replied shouting that the dogs hadnt been anywhere near it, even though the OP didnt mention the dogs.... on this occasion. My guess is that she is very condescending and puts her mum down a lot, to elicit that sort of response.[/quote]
Ummmm ok. I think the mum is far more rude to speak to her like that but we can agree to disagree

stackemhigh · 28/04/2021 20:58

@Voomster953

Her reaction was insane, but I’m guessing there’s a lot more to this story...

and sometimes dog owners let things slide that non dog owners wouldn't lol.

Hmm

I don’t think this is a big deal. I’ve been told by dog owners not to get a dog if I expect to keep my carpets clean (muddy paws etc). I imagine you have to be more relaxed if you have a dog.
stackemhigh · 28/04/2021 20:59

@ShirleyPhallus

Your mum called you a jumped up little shit and an ungrateful bitch?!

You know that’s not normal right. I’d be telling her to shove her car seat up her arse and attend the induction on your own. It’s stressful enough without some foul mouthed, abusive witch with you.

I’m with you Shirley 😁
Womencanlift · 28/04/2021 21:00

Your mum was unreasonable to talk to you in that way but you were pretty condescending so you were being unreasonable too

DenisetheMenace · 28/04/2021 21:01

“Your mum called you a jumped up little shit and an ungrateful bitch?!“

You really don’t want this woman anyone near your baby.
“Blood is thicker than water”? Complete tosh.
You’re going to be responsible for a new life and it’s up to you to choose who influences the development of that life.”

saraclara · 28/04/2021 21:02

Neither of your responses were at all tactful. I don't know why you couldn't have just said thanks in both cases.

But calling you a little shit and a bitch? I can't conceive of any family member speaking to me like that.

otterbaby · 28/04/2021 21:04

She's talking to you like that and you're giving birth tomorrow? Errr... nope nope nope.

Also, I probably didn't have the best tone in the days leading up to my labour...heavy, tired, fed up, in pain...I think if anyone should give you a pass if you're being a bit snippy, it's your mum!

mygenericusername · 28/04/2021 21:04

Completely out of control response.

Who do you allow her to speak to you like that? Mother or not. It’s unacceptable

freecuthbert · 28/04/2021 21:06

You didn't come across as rude at all and there was no need for the way she spoke to you. I just hope this is a one off from mounting stress, does she usually treat you like this? All the best with the induction tomorrow, I went through the same process in January!

freecuthbert · 28/04/2021 21:07

Is there someone else you could have with you for support tomorrow? And what are your thoughts about doing it alone?

Original poster
emi93 · 28/04/2021 21:08

@themalamander

On the flip side, I wouldn't really be all the nice to a family member who put me down every chance they got about mess, dogs being allowed to walk around the house, or insinuated that all my belongings must be in a state of disrepair whenever I offered them something.

We only got one side here, and the mums response sort of shows that this is something the OP is on at her about or insulting her over quite often.

I do get personal about the dogs because they have bit me in the past and basically they overrule everything. When I was a teenager, my dog was put in the back garden and given away one day because my mother "couldn't stand dogs" and I was left heartbroken being told my dog just ran away when he wasn't.

Then fast forward she has two dogs that basically do what they want.
I cannot visit her house because they just bark all day and will bite you if you even walk towards mum.

But saying that, I never thought she would bring a dirty car seat or nothing I just asked of the condition because it's 5 years old. (Niece stopped using it 2 years ago) that's all, but she obviously does get defensive about the dogs because she knows how I feel about them Blush

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 28/04/2021 21:10

I’d rather go without a “support” partner than choose someone who called me a jumped up little shit and had given away my bloody dog when I was a child!!

I doubt I’d even be in contact with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
emi93 · 28/04/2021 21:11

@freecuthbert

You didn't come across as rude at all and there was no need for the way she spoke to you. I just hope this is a one off from mounting stress, does she usually treat you like this? All the best with the induction tomorrow, I went through the same process in January!
She responds like this often.

Apparently when she said "oh I best get my stuff ready in case you end up tonight" when I said that I think my contractions are ramping up. I didn't respond correctly, and dimmed her excitement. But honestly I'm just anxious at the moment due to the birth of my second child 2 years ago that passed away (22 weeks) and I ended up PPH, retained placenta, very sick for weeks. I've just got so much running through my mind as-well as looking after my daughter that I probably don't seem as jolly or something, idk. ConfusedSad

OP posts:
Tambora · 28/04/2021 21:12

Maybe you could have been slightly tactless in the way you worded things, but her reaction was way over the top. I can't imagine ever speaking to my daughter like that.

wingsnthat · 28/04/2021 21:12

To be honest I think you should take a step back and refuse any help from her going forward

She does sound like she has a “dog complex”

I understood immediately what you meant

Original poster
emi93 · 28/04/2021 21:12

@saraclara

Neither of your responses were at all tactful. I don't know why you couldn't have just said thanks in both cases.

But calling you a little shit and a bitch? I can't conceive of any family member speaking to me like that.

I agree. In hindsight my responses weren't great
OP posts:
Unsubscribed · 28/04/2021 21:14

I never thought she would bring a dirty car seat or nothing

That might be the problem OP because your response implied that you did. My guess is that your Mum will ring you to apologise for the way she reacted ,and you can say sorry if you offended her, and all will be well. Good luck with everything

tobedtoMNandfart · 28/04/2021 21:15

I'm so sorry for your loss. Given that, and your late stage of pregnancy, your mums behaviour is appalling.
Do not involve her in being your 'support partner'.
Hope all goes well x

themalamander · 28/04/2021 21:16

I wouldn't use an old car seat, or a second hand one. If you're happy to use one then ok, but its rude to insinuate that it will be in a terrible state because of your mum.

If you dont like her or her lifestyle, that is understandable. If you have a bad relationship, that is also understandable. But dont make her your birth partner.

Her behaviour however doesnt excuse you putting her down or being rude. You can't control what she does but you can control how you behave and that's not a nice way to behave. Cool your contact with her instead of just putting her down a lot.

freecuthbert · 28/04/2021 21:18

The fact that she often talks to you in such a way is worrying. As you are currently pregnant, which is understandably a very difficulty and anxiety-inducing time for you considering your circumstances (not that pregnancy isn't enough stress at is, even if just the hormones messing you around), then she should really know better. But there's still no excuse to treat you in such a way outside pregnancy. What if she treats you like this during induction or labour? I would find that really unforgivable Sad

Dunairbeanat · 28/04/2021 21:22

I thought second hand car seats were a no-no on MN.
I also agree with Shirleyphallus that's not how a mother should speak to her heavily pregnant daughter.

Cocomarine · 28/04/2021 21:25

I’m so very sorry for your loss Flowers
Are you in a relationship with the father of this baby? (no judgment if not)
Given your history, he should be doing everything he can to be with you for the induction and supporting you. I fear your mother is going to turn it into a drama about herself 😕

Regularsizedrudy · 28/04/2021 21:26

Your replies were tactless, you should have just said no if you suspected the car seat wouldn’t be in good condition.

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