To ask what brought you unexpected delight?

[Daisyroselondon]

Hello all, help me fill my up bucket list. We have hit the very painful end of our fertility journey and I need to start thinking positively of the life ahead. Please tell me of all the things / places / experiences that have brought you unexpected joy. Thank you x

OP

For me:

• fortnightly flower subscription has been beautiful during COVID;
• eating out at Michelin starred restaurants;
• escorted tour to Jordan (Dead Sea, Jerash, Petra)
• being out and about during quiet times, both for mundane things (supermarkets) and nice things (holidays during term time);
• hill walking in the UK. Wales, Isle of Skye, Devon and Cornwall - beautiful scenery, deep lung fulls of fresh air;
• the beach, any time of the day or night;
• I know how spoilt this sounds, but being able to afford a cleaner is something I never take for granted, feel very fortunate to do and every time I come home after she's been it's like stepping into a show house / feels like Christmas;
• switching to part-time, and using my days off to do things for me, e.g. meet friends who are also part-time, read books, go on day trips, eat out etc.

I'm in a similar boat, though further along in the "journey" than you. I just wanted to say that it does get easier & less stingingly painful.

Lots of people have suggested getting a dog. While I agree that dogs are wonderful, without wanting to be the harbinger of doom, I would advise caution about getting one. I have in the last 18 months lost both of my dogs and it has devastated me and actually stirred up a lot of the sadness I have about being childless. They became my "babies" and losing them is the worst thing I have ever experienced, worse than the infertility.

I definitely agree with those saying to embrace the selfishness & freedom.

Another big thing that has been important to me is to try and make everything possible as special as I can. We never used to bother with Valentine's day, anniversaries or birthdays, now it's any excuse to have a nice meal, decorate the house, send cards, have cake (!) Similarly bank holidays I push the boat out and we eat well and try and make it as bigger deal as possible. It really helps to have things to look forward to.

Travel, my home, our dogs, exercise outside (I was actually quite shocked at this, but it is the only thing that got me through the last lockdown).

I didn’t even want the dogs as I was already so busy and I knew they would become my responsibility. Actually they have brought me endless joy. They are just so easy to love.

OP I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I have been thinking about this thread today - I just went for a run and the many different types of beautiful blossom really brought me joy. Watching the seasons change is lovely.

I love to swim, and have really realised how much when I couldn't for several months. I find it so relaxing and have a feeling of wellbeing afterwards.

Here's an odd one - I was a teacher for many years and was glad to leave the profession, but I missed my subject so much (MFL) which really surprised me; so I have started doing some tutoring and it has really been joyous to work with some lovely teenagers and see them do well. I love my subject.

I also have done a lot of volunteering and currently officiate for athletics which I really really love doing. So frustrating last year when we had no events! You need to find something which interests you of course.

Finally, in lockdown and dealing with some difficult issues myself, I have discovered yoga; I do a daily Yoga with Adriene video and her bedtime routines and meditations have been really helpful.

Sorry for loooong post!

Oh I also meant to say I have started buying expensive and lovely skincare, because, why not (and though £20 for a moisturiser is not cheap, it's not actually that much money, compared to a night out buying drinks or a new pair of shoes if that makes sense)

Swimming in a lake, never done it before, was freezing (it was summer) but god it felt amazing!

Our rescue dog. Never been a dog person got him as tween DD pleaded. I have to walk him so I’m fitter and lost weight. Company and snuggles. Always happy to see me. Meet lots of other people when I’m out with him. Explored nearby countryside.

Also dog ours is a saluki cross.

In terms of places, the Dominican Republic was my most beautiful and memorable holiday ever. We stayed in a very basic thatched but on the top of a cliff, but it was just perfect.

Oh, and meals out! Especially Hind's Head in Bray and River Cottage.

I'm sorry for what you've had to deal with OP , am also child-free, but by choice.

My dog and cats - I only recently began to connect with them on a deeper level (I used to be such a shallow wanker!) and all the good
stuff I've learned about relationships is thanks to them.

Music

Pilates - I dislike the exercise itself, but having a stronger, more balanced body and more energy feels amazing.

Gardening - can get completely lost in that.

High threadcount cotton bedding

OP. Just wanted to wish you all the best on your journey. And to thank you for such a wonderful thread. Xx

Open water swimming, and watersports in general. Education - I'd love to study more. Writing. Hillwalking

Long country walks. I don't think I'd retain my sanity if I couldn't walk off my worries.

Posh afternoon tea. The ritual of it.

Bless you

Gardening. I never realised that planting bulbs and waiting for seeds to grow and flower could be so rewarding. Choosing colour, fragrance, texture and watching the garden come to life, particularly the things that I have selected and planted. It makes me so happy. I smile every time I walk outside my house and see what I have helped to create

Doing Fast800. I didn't imagine I could stick to it or that it would work so well. The joy of putting on size 12 jeans, heading towards the weight I was as a teenager and also not hating photos of me.

Also for the first time the other day, just having a good mooch round the shops on my own.

Tomatos.

When I think back, I had an absolutely idyllic summer once, between jobs, mooching about, learning stuff on the internet and growing tomatos. My day started with a cup of tea and going out to water the toms/squirt off greenfly, and about mid-afternoon come June I'd go out and get a big bowl of tomatoes which looked beautiful.

I didn't even like raw tomatoes at the time. They all got cooked into things.

Actually I'm not sure it was the tomatoes. I think it was just taking it slow for 6 months, and the tomatoes were part of that.

I'm in a similar position to you OP. For me, travel has been amazingly healing. When the realisation hit that being a parent wouldn't happen for us, DH booked a road trip across parts of Canada and America and it helped - being away from home, seeing how different people live (we went to the Yukon and a homestead in Alaska, both of which were like another world). It makes you really realise how big and varied the world is.

Closer to home, I've found really taking the time to appreciate what you have has helped. It sounds twee but having the time to cook and enjoy a good tea or walking around where I live and actually looking at how beautiful some of it is can be soothing.

I have a dog and I love him a lot, everything he does I enjoy watching

I also like making things (currently cross stitching but can also crochet) and find this has the double benefit of making me busy and feeling productive (and I'm part of some online groups and the people on them are lovely).

Lastly, for you because it's ok to feel rubbish at this time too.

Due to crippling mental illness etc I find feeling happy or joy difficult but my Fiance and my cat bring me as close to.

I'm going to echo everyone else and say pets absolutely!!!

These have made me smile, laugh and brought a tear to my eye. I'm re-reading them all and dreaming of all sorts of things I would have never even imagined. Thank you I feel a massive virtual hug. Inspired by you all, I bunked off for a hour took a walk to admire the leaves bursting out, drank a milkshake with whipped cream (kind of disgusting and wonderful all at the same time!) and brought a very trashy crime novel to read in the bath later. I'll be reading back through these all! X

Glad you are feeling better, OP.

I’m sorry for your troubles. Like other posters, I’ve been through it too.

The greatest joy of my life, outside my husband and family, is activities with other people. I’ve made wonderful friends through joining a running club, joining a French conversation group and playing an instrument. These things light up my life and I’m sure that they helped me to get over the disappointment of not being able to have children.

As a PP mentioned, the wider the range of friends you meet, the easier it is to understand that you can be happy living less of a traditional two kids lifestyle.