To ask what brought you unexpected delight?

[Daisyroselondon]

Hello all, help me fill my up bucket list. We have hit the very painful end of our fertility journey and I need to start thinking positively of the life ahead. Please tell me of all the things / places / experiences that have brought you unexpected joy. Thank you x

Cliched, but my dog!

Swore I wasn’t a dog person, didn’t want one, would resent the additional work etc but finally relented. Two years later still can’t quite get over how much I love him and how much extra joy he brings to my life.

Also, maybe not quite in the spirit of the thread, but Marie Kondo-ing my house brought me unexpected peace and joy. Tidy house, tidy mind and all that.

I got a cat after another failed ivf round and I’m sure she saved me as gave me a focus and we just love her to pieces!
Travel always brings me joy too - planning, going, discovering and can’t wait to go somewhere again.
Being by the sea/ water I find calming too.

Exercise. I was always the last to be picked for the team at school - so unfit. But in adulthood I have learned the joy of running, yoga, bootcamps, kayaking, boxing and martial arts training - all sorts of ways to be fit. It's soothing especially if its outdoor (most of what I love is outdoor) and it gives you an endorphin buzz.

The bucket list things people suggest are brilliant, but you also want to look at your everyday life. Having a few regular things you love that matter to you, whether it's growing veg, helping at a soup kitchen, writing a book, training for a marathon - these give pleasure week by week.

Tip - if you love all the travel ideas - hold off on getting a dog as you won't be doing much long haul for a while if you do.

So sorry to hear this, OP.

Our lovely puppy.
The garden - planning what to put where.
Cooking - learning how to cook Thai food at the moment.

Scotland - north west coast with the fabulous beaches. Take the terrifying Bealach na Ba twisty mountain death road to Applecross for lobster and chips by the sea at sunset, stay in the pub and explore the roads north from there.

Kitten - I know there are lovely big cats that need rescuing but there is nothing more beautiful and joyful than a tiny kitten that sleeps on your shoulder.

Going for walks alone in places no one lives! Make me feel like Peter Pan 🤣

An allotment is THE friendliest way to garden, and sometimes people give you their strawberries in summer. This brings me a disproportionate amount of joy.

These are all bringing me unexpected delight! So enjoying reading about memories, travel destinations, hobbies and everyday joy. Thank you. It’s filling my heart right up! ❤️

Women's cricket. So welcoming. Fun, friendship and fitness all in one.

Picnics in beautiful places.

Our pets (many of them rescue animals). Birds, hamsters, guinea pigs, a rabbit, a cat, even a disabled newt.

Surfing/swimming in the sea

Going to festivals.

Driving over the moor at night.

My career (to be honest I expected to find fulfilment in this but 25 years in I still find it very fulfilling).

Re. dogs. They are such a commitment especially when coming to terms with a life changing decision that I wouldn't rush into it BUT you could consider being a puppy walker for Guide Dogs or similar charities - it's an intense commitment at the time (around a year) but at the end of that time, when your pup moves on, you can decide to take break (travelling?) or start again.
My only advice would be to give yourself time to grieve and not rush into long-term commitments while doing so.
Very best wishes for the future x

@notsorighteousthesedays I was about to suggest the puppy walking or boarding for guide dogs....depends how much free time the OP has. If she's working, being a boarder might be better option. My second pup is leaving me soon, they have both been such a delight and I'll be in bits when she's gone! With boarding I always think you don't get so attached as they are shorter term.

For me I'd also say music. Playing and singing have been a long term source of pleasure, but in recent years I have started teaching and it has been amazingly fulfilling.

So I'd say, pursue skills and hobbies, and considering sharing and passing on those skills to others.

Watching “ The Repair Shop “.

Absolute stillness, peace and solitude.

Oh op, so sorry - it is painful. I have been through the same but my delight has come from
-travel
-concerts and movies

• my friends
• learning my instrument
• my husband
• my dogs
• although it seems painful I have found great joy in getting to know people over the generations - older as well as my friends children. I am a good Auntie so lots children and for the teenagers I am someone they trust who is not quite a parent - and I spoil them all - older and younger- a lot.
• joy in nature, a walk-in the country, my garden, the birds
• a glass of wine with nice cheese and a candle
• a hot bath

-clean sheets and PJ’s

• yoga and mindfulness

Go well💐

I'm really interested in Russia. I love learning about the history, I've learnt the language and spent a lot of time travelling there. It wasn't planned, I just went once and loved it. I think there's a lot to be gained from getting to know a country or region really well (not necessarily Russia!).

Best wishes to you @Daisyroselondon and what a lovely thread. I hope it gives you some wonderful ideas for your future ☺️

If you like animals but would rather not get one just yet, the Cinnamon Trust needs volunteers to help Unwell/infirm people walk their dogs 🐶

Wishing you all the best OP.

For me, I gain great pleasure from:

Cats (less day to day commitment than dogs).

Being outside somewhere beautiful.

Firstly I am sorry you are facing this.

Some of my non child friendly indulgences aren’t possible during a pandemic - theatre, travel, meals out. More home based things pets, dogs and a kitten, sewing, crafting, time with friends, leisurely shopping.

I love my pets and wouldn’t be without them, but I would caution - they are a commitment that will potentially restrict some of the other joys of being childfree with no strings such as travel.

Good luck.

Things that bring peace, pleasure and calm in a turbulent world:
The cats
My garden
Cooking a new recipe and sitting down to eat with DH.
Art - started to go to some gallery lectures over the last few years and they are fascinating. I realise I like modern art more than I thought.
Reading and finding unknown authors. I bought the whole Persephone list a few years ago when I was left some money and it’s been an absolute delight reading some little known/forgotten women authors.
Craft - taught myself to knit and crochet and love planning a project. Also belong to two craft groups and love meeting up a few times a month for chat, cake and advice.
Travel - not particularly big ticket trips, but planning a week in an area of the UK, or a couple of weeks in the Loire or Normandy to look at castles and gardens and countryside. This is what I’ve most missed over the last year.
Beachcombing.
Over lockdown we’ve done the same walk three or four times a week. Takes about an hour, by the side of a river and it’s been lovely watching the seasons change. We’ve done the walk in blazing sunshine and snow, we’ve seen herons and hedgehogs, deer, salmon and hares. We’ve picked blackberries and sloes and I’m going to pick some wild garlic today.
I realised during the last year that we lead quiet lives, but like it that way. Don’t know if you know the comedy writer John Finnemore, I’ve been trying to find the piece in one of his Cabin Pressure episodes where one of the cast, Arthur, introduces two of the others to the delights of throwing an apple back and forth between your hands - the point of the story is that if you can find pleasure and happiness in tiny every day things like a bath at the perfect temperature you will be happy much of the time, because this kind of moment occurs frequently every day.
We are childfree by choice, so have never had to go through the pain of a life having to be lived very differently from the one we hoped and planned for, but it is definitely possible to live a wonderful, fulfilling life without children.

My puppy.
Early morning (6/6:30) walks with the puppy, I hear all the birds singing and I get to watch the world wake up.
Crocheting
Sewing
Photography, I like to take photos of insects really close up. Bees are my favourite.
I sponsor a child. It’s nice to know I am helping someone, even though I will never meet them. They have a home and an education. Without my support they might not have had that. I like the updates too.

Love Dogs ,so agree with above PP! Also make the most of any travel opportunities as well .Even a Weekend away in UK when OK to do so.Baking has seen me through Lockdowns .Lots of lovely cakes and can freeze some for another time .Sending hugs to you XXX

I get a ridiculous amount of joy from feeding wildlife. Every day starts at 6am filling the bird feeders with seeds, nuts and fat balls then I brew coffee and watch the birds and squirrels and foxes come for breakfast.

I also get huge joy from our cat. He is very snuggly and chatty and interactive. If I'm writing he sits on the page and holds the pen with his paw. Today he watched me online, ignoring his demands for a second breakfast so he lined up the TV remotes neatly in front of him, threatening to swipe them onto the floor. I looked up, asked, 'What do you want?' and he lifted his paw and pointed at the kitchen. He won. He got a second breakfast. There's so much interaction with the right sort of pet. I know it isn't the same as raising a child, but I was childless for 10 years (lots of failed IVF) and our cat brought me joy.

@ZaraW

Travel has always bought me joy. One of the highlights is Gorilla trecking in Rwanda and sitting on top of Dune 45 in Namibia watching the sunrise. I've also done volunteering at the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai Thailand taking care of rescue dogs, which I loved. Hope to return next year.

Oh, this is fab

@Cowbells

I get a ridiculous amount of joy from feeding wildlife. Every day starts at 6am filling the bird feeders with seeds, nuts and fat balls then I brew coffee and watch the birds and squirrels and foxes come for breakfast.

I also get huge joy from our cat. He is very snuggly and chatty and interactive. If I'm writing he sits on the page and holds the pen with his paw. Today he watched me online, ignoring his demands for a second breakfast so he lined up the TV remotes neatly in front of him, threatening to swipe them onto the floor. I looked up, asked, 'What do you want?' and he lifted his paw and pointed at the kitchen. He won. He got a second breakfast. There's so much interaction with the right sort of pet. I know it isn't the same as raising a child, but I was childless for 10 years (lots of failed IVF) and our cat brought me joy.

That's amazing 😊