Baby / toddler groups are hell ?

[sausagedogg]

With lockdown easing I was looking forward to getting to a toddler group with my 2 year old . I must have had rose tinted glasses on as after attending this morning all I can think is that's 40 minutes of my life I won't get back. Reasons I found it dire :

• trying to keep a toddler fixed to their mat ( covid ) when all they want to do is roam the room.
• putting a mask on to roam the room to try being them back to their spot but then they can't hear you properly due to muffled mask sounds .
• no one really talking to anyone( even in between songs ) just singing along to the music like they were really enjoying it when I really didn't find it enjoyable .
• all the mums doing baby voices

Maybe I'm just not cut out for part time work. I have 3 days off with little one in the week and can't stand the thought of baby groups again. Back to the walks I go.

Anyone else find them hellish?

To top it off due to the timing of the class little one only had 5 minutes nap in the car

I take DD3 to a couple of the more structured ones. She loves them, and I do think the music class in particular is genuinely benefiting her - otherwise I probably wouldn’t bother as they’re not exactly my favourite thing!

Covid has made these groups much less relaxed and sociable in general; I wasn’t the best at ‘Mum small talk’ before, and now with masks (which have to be worn throughout at ours) it’s nigh on impossible. Hardly anyone bothers trying to chat now as it’s just too awkward.

Fortunately DD is pretty compliant and sensible, but I agree about the combination of masks and noise making it impossible to communicate effectively. Luckily we don’t have the mat issue, which would be a real pain and would probably stop me going. A lot of the most ‘fun’ parts of the session for DD have also gone now that all equipment has to be individual and sanitised etc - fewer opportunities for her to be sociable too.

Fingers crossed the restrictions will ease further and we’ll soon see the back of masks.

I loved them but just saw them as a chance to do something a bit different with my child rather than an opportunity to meet people (all of our classes have been during the pandemic). However I wouldn’t attend any that didn’t fit in with nap times, as I don’t think it’s in his interest or fair to him to interrupt his sleep to go, and I definitely wouldn’t attend one where you have to sit still once they’re mobile.

@Maggiesfarm yes I was definitely clock watching and I also noticed the instructor constantly looking at the clock 😂😂

I've got a 2 year old who is quite shy, pandemic has obviously made that worse so I was quite looking forward to getting back to toddler groups. But I actually can't stand them so we're just meeting up with friends at the park for now. We have planned to go to the farm, swimming, soft play etc too. If you don't really know anyone then you could try peanut or mush? I've made friends on both.

@LimeCoconut the group was 0-5 so I assumed would be ok for 2 year old

Mind you, plenty of people clearly love them as the one I went to this week is now fully booked until at least the summer and they’re having to add extra classes (at the ridiculously early time of 8.30am! ) Can’t say I’m all that sorry to have missed the boat on that one.

@TurdCrapley I have met up with 1 or 2 but generally had nothing in common came home feeling flat . I will keep trying.

I hated just the thought of them but did eventually give the local village one a go at 2.5 and it wasn't so bad.

Have said if we had another one I would try the new local centre to me which has gardening groups, breastfeeding support, crafts and a cafe.

Definitely would not be going to a singing group though, can't think of anything worse.

@Piglet92 it was a music mixed one so not all singing but still dire .the gardening one sounds good.

My group was much more free play with a little group craft activity and a story.

[quote sausagedogg]@LimeCoconut the group was 0-5 so I assumed would be ok for 2 year old [/quote]
Oh definitely, sorry I didn’t mean to sound like I was blaming you! Personally I think it’s inappropriate and unsuitable for a toddler to advertise a class for their age that involves sitting in one place. The best behaved toddler in the entire world is unlikely to do that. At the one we went to between lockdowns before my kid could walk the rule was if your child took off you had to stay sat down and wait for the instructor to go fetch them back to you. She often was distracted with something else so we’d all be watching a toddler wander over to a coffee table with various chokable items on in horror while the mum sat wrestling with whether to break the rules and grab her child or do as she’d been told and sit and wait. Incredibly stressful.

The best one I went to was an outdoor one last September. They put down mats and stuff on the grass in the park. Lots of paint and all sorts, paper everything, all the kids were so entertained and occupied painting and stuff or going off on the swings slides and coming back.
Was bliss. For those few fridays until it got cancelled.

The ones inside pre covid were hell. Most people went together with friends and I was often left alone having to intervene keep an eye out that my dd was okay.

Parks and soft play, much better

[quote sausagedogg]@Piglet92 it was a music mixed one so not all singing but still dire .the gardening one sounds good. [/quote]
Yes it does! I wish they had been around when dd was born. Sadly they opened at the beginning of last year so we enever got to go and dd is at nursery now.

Keep looking on local fb groups or ask your hv you may find something which suits you better.

Oh my gosh I bloody love baby groups, particularly the church ones where they give you cake and tea and the children can just free play. They are obviously very different now with masks and having to keep your child away from others. I only go to an organised one now and it's so weird having to stay on your little square and separate your child. None of the church ones have reopened around here.

Not all groups suit everyone. Local playgroup was hell. 7 years later I still have strangers reminding me how my child did something to theirs. We were asked to leave the playgroup. Surestart, OK. Until we were asked to leave rhyme time because DC wouldn't sit. Dance - good for us.
In the end I put DC in nursery 2 mornings a week. They got to play and I didn't have to go through trying to do toddler activities and then come home and cry at the cliques, horrible looks and parents telling me my child had done something. Ie. "Your child has brushed my xxx coat with red paint." "Why are you wearing to messy play?"
My DC has autism so their behaviours may have clouded things.

@tildaandjo

Oh my gosh I bloody love baby groups, particularly the church ones where they give you cake and tea and the children can just free play. They are obviously very different now with masks and having to keep your child away from others. I only go to an organised one now and it's so weird having to stay on your little square and separate your child. None of the church ones have reopened around here.

Same around here. I always imagined and hoped I’d be able to go to a causal cuppa and chat group, something informal where you chuck in a couple of quid and stay as long or short a time as you like.

They all closed instantly at the start of the pandemic and none of them have run a single session since.

The only things available around here are expensive formal block booking courses, for example £8 per session play sessions you need to pay a term up front for, baby massage four sessions at £15 a go, etc.

It makes me really angry. I’m lucky I can afford the expensive ones (if I could get past the waiting list) but how many disadvantaged parents and babies are isolated because they just can’t fork out £40-120 at a time to commit to a formal weekly thing whether you attend or not?

It’s one of the major ways inequality has widened during covid imo.

I remember during the darkest part of the pandemic with a new baby alone just thinking how desperate I was to go sit in a church hall for a coffee and a chat with anyone while baby laid and kicked about on the floor for twenty minutes.

@LimeCoconut that's ok I didn't take it like that :) not sure why I said that it come across defensive didn't it 🤣. I just meant to say I was annoyed with myself really as I didn't think they would expect 0-5 year olds to stay at a mat and I just felt like I had wasted my time and nap time . Oh yes that does sound stressful !

I went to one before the last lockdown, similar to what you describe. DS2 was only 8 months and crawling so it was awkward even then. I can't imagine trying to take him now, he's 14 months.

With my first I managed to find a nice one, it was very relaxed and was very much about just chatting with the mums and kids played and we just intervened when necessary. This was pre covid though.

I agree try a few more don't let one group put you off. I'm going back to full time work soon so won't need to worry anymore luckily.

God it's a long time ago but I remember
Feeling suicidal singing The Wheels on the Bus. Jeez.
The smell of nappies that need changing
Stale biscuits
Could lay dead on the floor and people would step over me.
I went back to work when dd1 and 2 were 3 and 1. Never looked back.

I fear that these groups are changed for good. I hope that past June (hopefully even May) that face masks won’t be required. I am going to sensory tomorrow with my little one and I am dreading trying to interact with him with a mask on. Surely defeats the object completely?!

I am worried that these groups and organisations are going to be scared witless (like everyone else) and use that fear to insist on masks forever indoors. I even have to wear one at my son’s football OUTSIDE at the moment. Blooming nightmare!

I think there's definitely a gap for open-ended stay and play sort of things (at the weekends!). The closest thing round here is a forest school playgroup where there are a couple of structured crafts but you can also bumble around playing with sticks if you prefer. I enjoyed baby groups as FTM before she was walking as that filled some of the maternity days but now she's nearly two I think it's easier to go to 'things' and the park rather than groups.

I'm hoping mum will have her a day a week so I can take my second child off to a group when s/he's at the sitting up and crawling but not really doing much else phase but that's because I found a format of a group that I really liked and still miss now. Although it wouldn't work with rampaging toddlers so probably just as well I'm back at work 😂.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Yes I think I may increase my hours after next baby. I currently work most weekends to get time off with toddler in week but it all seems pointless . He loves nursery he goes 2 days a week so would love to do 3-4 sessions . Then at least we would all be off at the weekend together . This made me laugh -Could lay dead on the floor and people would step over me.
🤣

They varied around, but could be social hell anyway. I found the better ones were the ones that were more lead, such as rhyme time at the library or childrens' centre ones. At others, people would just turn up in pre-arranged packs, sit in the same seats each week and ignore the loners.

I kept at it because it was healthy to have a weekly routine of getting out on different days and having a change of stimulus/ scenery for me and the DCs. It was no less lonely than loitering in a park alone, and warmer.

I don't think I would persist with the burden of "Covid Secure" measures on top though. That's a whole extra layer of hell on top.

It's not that the classes/ groups fast track an amazing education, it's just the benefits of routine, change of scenery and some chance of interaction with other humans that day. It's sad that the opportunity is so limited and tainted at the moment.

I used to go to a baby one with some of my NCT group and that was good as it was just chatting and no singing, and I did actually talk to people while chugging tea and eating rather nice biscuits, while the babies bibbled about on their blankets.

See I love soft play but hate groups