Baby / toddler groups are hell ?

[sausagedogg]

With lockdown easing I was looking forward to getting to a toddler group with my 2 year old . I must have had rose tinted glasses on as after attending this morning all I can think is that's 40 minutes of my life I won't get back. Reasons I found it dire :

• trying to keep a toddler fixed to their mat ( covid ) when all they want to do is roam the room.
• putting a mask on to roam the room to try being them back to their spot but then they can't hear you properly due to muffled mask sounds .
• no one really talking to anyone( even in between songs ) just singing along to the music like they were really enjoying it when I really didn't find it enjoyable .
• all the mums doing baby voices

Maybe I'm just not cut out for part time work. I have 3 days off with little one in the week and can't stand the thought of baby groups again. Back to the walks I go.

Anyone else find them hellish?

To top it off due to the timing of the class little one only had 5 minutes nap in the car

[ParadiseLaundry]

@SatsumaFan Please do

[SatsumaFan]

@ParadiseLaundry I'll PM you with some thoughts

[mums202020]

[quote sausagedogg]@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely no chip . The ladies all seemed a lot more affluent than me I just found the intense baby talk annoying. I thought maybe more people would talk to each other that's all [/quote]
There's a bit in Bringing Up Bebe (book written by an American bringing up her children in Paris) where she describes seeing affluent American parents narrating their children's play at playgrounds. She doesn't see the same with Parisian parents, they leave their children to it and chat with the other parents.

The narrating is a child development technique for parents who are struggling with their children's behaviour (there is an example in The Incredible Years, a book used on parenting survival courses in the UK for children aged 3-8, basically it's along the lines of "you're playing with a red bus, yay"). It's been co-opted by affluent parents who aren't struggling, thinking it will help their children. It's bloody exhausting to do.

[ParadiseLaundry]

• No idea what sort of person might enjoy that sort of thing? I'll give you some ideas...
  
  A lonely sahm who wants an hour with not just her child/ren for conversation and company. She might enjoy singing, or just having someone else hold the baby for ten minutes (pre Covid) whilst she drinks a hot drink she didn't make.
  
  A new parent who would like to chat to other, possibly more experienced parents, to bounce ideas and thoughts off, get helpful tips and guidance.
  
  Someone who is looking to help their pre-school dc make friends ready to start Reception soon. Not all babies and toddlers go to nursery or preschool for a variety of reasons.
  
  Someone who is struggling with their mental health and is climbing the walls on a rainy day, and just wants to know he/she is not alone.
  
  Someone who is extroverted and enjoys meeting new local people to make connections with and have a laugh.
  
  Someone who loves giving back to their community by volunteering their time to help out, whether by setting up/packing away, helping with crafts and refreshments. They get a buzz out of being useful.
  
  Someone who can't afford the private classes and finds them cliquey.
  
  Someone who doesn't drive so can only walk to their village hall.
  
  The list goes on...*
  
  Excellent post @SatsumaFan.
  
  I'm starting a toddler group in a few weeks time and parents have to remain seated as much as possible but don't have to wear masks when seated. And there will be no restrictions on the movement of toddlers at all. How is that even possible?!
  
  Start time? 1pm 🙈 I totally agree, ridiculous time as it's most toddlers nap time and I'm already worried about how I'll get my own toddler fed, napped, up and out for the group. I had no control over the time unfortunately.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

The groups I took my DC to where he was expected to sit in one place were always a complete disaster. Free flow activity ones worked better, especially church hall ones with lots of garish large toys. Unfortunately, those are the ones which haven't restarted in our area .

Toddlers aren't very Covid-friendly, I'm afraid. Do you have any local friends with similar-aged children? We're taking turns to meet up in each other's gardens atm.

[thismeansnothing]

Not my idea of fun either. But I do swimming with my toddler and that's barrable. And I have the 17th may etched in my mind as that's when soft play and trampoline parks re-open. Then a day with scooting or the park or just pottering around the house. There's enough to keep us busy

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

Yes, in fairness I didn't have to contend with that!

Do people go to the playground after? Once they can walk that's good to chat more. Sometimes if we were late we just skipped straight to the park.

[sausagedogg]

@TheYearOfSmallThings I don't mind even talking about nappies naps etc but no one talked . I think the space was an issue

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I found them great for making friends, both for me and DS. He is 6 now and still sees those DC weekly, because I still see their mothers.

We all have jobs, we all have plenty of other stuff going on, but when we first met...yes we talked about milestones and nappies etc. If you bear with the conversation you will soon find out more and over time you discuss all the other stuff. I tried a lot of groups and talked to a lot of people to find the friendships I eventually built - if I had dismissed people for talking about naps, or not working, or just for not seeming quite the sort of person I aspired to make friends with...I would have missed out, and so would DS.

[Aisforharlot]

God I loathed them. Especially the children's centre affiliated one, there was always an undercurrent of judgment.
There was one particularly condescending leader who took out a large puppet in circle time - I left there and then.

[Lostmyway86]

[quote sausagedogg]@Lostmyway86 yes in hindsight that was probably the main reason no one was talking due to the big gaps.haha mine was similar except shower cap and mask 😂[/quote]
I'm booked for a toddler group with my 22 month old in summer....there is no chance she'll stay put so that should be fun too!

[sausagedogg]

@Lostmyway86 yes in hindsight that was probably the main reason no one was talking due to the big gaps.haha mine was similar except shower cap and mask 😂

[Lostmyway86]

I went to a baby class yesterday. Every single baby was crying by the end. We were sat apart from all other adults so couldn't chat. I had a mask on so my baby couldn't see me, then switched to a visa and kept banging her face everytime I tried to interact with her. I think it was the point where I was wearing frog ears, a visor and my baby was screeching that I thought this probably isn't worth it....

[sausagedogg]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene thank you ❤️

[CoffeeWithCheese]

There is NO way I'd be going to one expecting me to keep a toddler confined to a mat for a full session. You can only do that if they're asleep, scarily compliant, bribed with a constant supply of snacks or using duct tape.

Fuck that.

[SnuggyBuggy]

You've got to appreciate people for trying but mat based things for mobile babies and young toddlers just sound like hard work. I used to love the stay and plays where you could chat to people while the babies and toddlers had a relatively safe environment to play in, my social skills are crap and I still made plenty of friends.

I've resorted to putting mine in nursery so she can spend time playing with other children her age.

The mask wearing doesn't help either. I'm doing some classes with my younger one but will stop once they become mobile. I'm just grateful I've already got my group of mum friends, I'd hate to be a first time mum trying not to get too lonely and depressed right now.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

[quote sausagedogg]@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely no chip . The ladies all seemed a lot more affluent than me I just found the intense baby talk annoying. I thought maybe more people would talk to each other that's all [/quote]
No, not a chip on your shoulder! A chip on the posters shoulder who said you thought you were more intelligent than the other parents at the group! Its very obvious you dont think that. Sorry, should have been clearer.

[sausagedogg]

Thanks for all replies I went to a different group today and really enjoyed it . It was dance / music . It was nice to join in and we could move freely around the room. Also got to have a little chat with one of the mums it was a very small group but I really enjoyed it this morning . I honestly didn't think I was better than any of the mums yesterday I just felt off in the set up . Confined to Mats, baby talk, no mums really talking to each other . It was better today.

[sausagedogg]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely no chip . The ladies all seemed a lot more affluent than me I just found the intense baby talk annoying. I thought maybe more people would talk to each other that's all

[sausagedogg]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene absolutely not.

[cookiecreampie]

The church ones I've been to haven't been religious. They just use the hall for the playgroup. No mention of God and people of all religions are welcome.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

@GreenSlide

Oh I hated them. The ones I went to were always full of childminders who just wanted to ignore the kids and gossip with the other cms for 2 hours. I went to one in a church hall and everyone had to sit around singing Jesus songs and say a prayer 😬

I'm always a bit at people who think it's outrageous that churches mention religion. That's what they're for!

[cookiecreampie]

I don't mind them and have taken my kids to the same one over the years. I think I had a preconceived idea that they were either cliquey or I was going to find a best friend there. In reality, I found that some mums were chatty, some didn't really talk and that was fine. My kids enjoyed letting off steam and mixing with other kids their own age so it is something I tolerated even though I found it tedious sometimes.

[SatsumaFan]

@Onedropbeat

I hated them when my now 4 year old was little, he didn’t seem to get much out of them either so I couldn’t see why I’d put myself through that

I’ve no idea what kind of person might enjoy that sort of thing

Second child came along last year and having no baby groups was a blessing

No idea what sort of person might enjoy that sort of thing? I'll give you some ideas...

A lonely sahm who wants an hour with not just her child/ren for conversation and company. She might enjoy singing, or just having someone else hold the baby for ten minutes (pre Covid) whilst she drinks a hot drink she didn't make.

A new parent who would like to chat to other, possibly more experienced parents, to bounce ideas and thoughts off, get helpful tips and guidance.

Someone who is looking to help their pre-school dc make friends ready to start Reception soon. Not all babies and toddlers go to nursery or preschool for a variety of reasons.

Someone who is struggling with their mental health and is climbing the walls on a rainy day, and just wants to know he/she is not alone.

Someone who is extroverted and enjoys meeting new local people to make connections with and have a laugh.

Someone who loves giving back to their community by volunteering their time to help out, whether by setting up/packing away, helping with crafts and refreshments. They get a buzz out of being useful.

Someone who can't afford the private classes and finds them cliquey.

Someone who doesn't drive so can only walk to their village hall.

The list goes on...

[89redballoons]

I've been taking DS (one and a half) to a music one and it's actually been pretty good for him. The first time we went he just wanted to run around, but we've been four or five times now and he's getting much more into joining in with some of the music and the actions now. I am very pleasantly surprised and we've booked in for the next three weeks.

The one we go to is outside under a gazebo thing in a pub garden so no masks. We are meant to stay on our mat though and parents aren't meant to sing along though because apparently that is what makes it a superspreader event in reality the bigger ones do run around a bit and because it's outside people are fairly relaxed.

I don't really think I'm going to make friends for life there or anything but it's nice to have a bit of adult conversation and to see other babies the same age as my DS - obviously not done that much during lockdown.

I have no idea why anyone runs a group aimed at young toddlers at lunchtime, though. Surely they all nap then? Our group is at 10.30am which works pretty well for us, as by the time we get back it's 11.30am so time for a quick lunch and then nap.