Meltdown- is this not a tantrum?

[booksandnooks]

Inspired by a comment on another thread.
When I was a child and we would be naughty, scream, cry, you know that kind of stuff, my parents and anyone else would call it a meltdown rather than a tantrum as tantrum was a term reserved for toddlers.
However I have been noticing a lot of comments saying that meltdowns are only for sn children and NT children aren't allowed to be described as having meltdowns.

I switch between tantrum and meltdown and destroying mummies poor ears for my children and am wondering if I'm actually being completely insensitive and possibly down right offensive.

Can anyone shed any light? I am the mother of nt children and have had no dealing with sen or sn or anything like that.

I have two ASD children and one in particular suffers with severe meltdowns. In my mind (and I’m not an authority), a meltdown is more where the child has no control over their emotions. My daughter becomes very violent when she melts down and I don’t feel she has conscious choice over that behaviour. It’s because she’s become overloaded by emotion or sensory stimulus et cetera.

I consider tantrums to be more of a strop because a child hasn’t got their own way.

However I wouldn’t be offended if a parent of a neurotypical child used the term meltdown provided they never minimise what my child experiences when they meltdown.

A meltdown is difficult from a tantrum. There is a complete loss of control with a meltdown, an tantrum generally doesn't last as long, and there is still an element of the child controlling their behaviour. You can often jolly, tickle, bribe a kid out of a tantrum, but this is not possible with a meltdown.

A meltdown is an extreme loss of emotions and control. Anyone can have a meltdown although in recent years it's become associated with autism, add etc. Many people think that meltdowns can only be experienced by people/children with special needs because the word denotes that they cannot help it, which also implies that people/children without any special needs are able to control their feelings.

As a teacher, I would never use the term 'tantrum'. I would say 'meltdown'. Doesn't matter if they are NT or ASN....all behaviour is communication.

Toddlers often cannot control their feelings or how they react. Tantrums were recognised as something that very young children couldn’t control (terrible 2s) and that this behaviour would not continue as their language improved and they developed emotionally. At 2 or even 3 it’s difficult to distinguish between Sen behaviour and a tantrum.

I do not like the word meltdown to be used about young DC who are learning about the world and how they cope with their emotions. It should be a temporary phase and treated as such. Obviously if this doesn’t diminish that’s Sen.

I know firsthand the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum as my youngest has ASD and I really don't care if you call your child's tantrum a meltdown! I suppose it is, in a way but to a difference degree!

It’s just a word. Use whatever feels appropriate to you.

Nobody shouldn’t be getting offended over the language others use.

A tantrum is more manipulative when control is maintained.
A meltdown is a state of overwhelm and loss of control. It tends to need to blow over and reasining with someone in that state tends to be futile at best or aggravating at worst.

DS has ASD. Before he had a diagnosis, they were still meltdowns. He can occasionally have tantrums where he retains focus on the desired outcome and be capable of reason. Generally he melts down because he's exceeded his ability to process various inputs usually over a period of time.

I dislike framing it as an exclusively SN phrase. Many people/ children have undiagnosed SNs, and it negates their difficulties. NT people have a higher capacity to process inputs than many SNs and it is possible, but less frequent to reach that overload level.

Child with ASD here. Sometimes he has tantrums e. g when I say no to chocolate, other times he has meltdowns é. g when there are too many people/too much noise/too brighter lights etc. The difference to me is trigger rather than anything else. But I give no fucks who uses what word, nobody owns language and no one should direct you on how you choose to label your child's behaviour.

Meltdowns are v different my toddler has asd and when he has a meltdown it’s not like my other dc tantrums
It’s not a conscious thing I think during a tantrum the child is still receptive and responsive so if you say ‘ok you can have the chocolate ‘ for example the tantrum stops and is quickly forgotten
With a meltdown the cause can be one thing or a culmination of things or/plus sensory overload. Once it’s started you can’t stop it and afterwards it can affect the person for hours

My nephew is autistic and my DS is nt and my sister said this to me recently when I described DS as having a meltdown over something (he wasn’t, I was being over dramatic and a bit jokey tbh) and she laughed and said she’s not bothered but that during her learning with her son she’d learned that toddlers have tantrums not meltdowns and that sn children have meltdowns.
I’m interested in responses to this tbh as I also don’t want to be offensive in any way!

Two of my NT children have tantrums, 1 has tantrums but ALSO a meltdown. Where she is so blinded by emotion she ceases to be able to reasoned with and just needs to be managed through it.

I don’t think it’s a purely SN term no.

Oh and yes it’s been suggested that child is on the spectrum, she isn’t, it’s an overused home diagnosis which isn’t helpful for children that genuinely are.

I agree with PPs. For me a tantrum is where a child (usually a little older) tries to demand something they want by shouting, screaming, foot stamping. It is controlled and the child will stop the moment they obtain what they want.

A meltdown I would associate with younger children (or older children with SN) where they aren't able to process what they are feeling, they aren't able to articulate what they want or need and they become totally overwhelmed and completely lose control.

A tantrum is when someone deliberately acts out to manipulate. In kids this could be screaming and thrashing.

A meltdown is when the brain loses control due to too much stimuli. This can also be in the form of thrashing and screaming.

Typically a tantrum instantly stops when you give into it. A meltdown won't. The overload has happened and the person won't feel better until all that energy has been expressed. Even as simply as a kid with a sound sensory overload, the meltdown won't instantly stop and the kid go back to normal when the noise is stopped. But if your kid throws a tantrum because they want a lolly they will switch straight off and sit happily with a lolly.

It's not just autistic kids that have meltdowns. But it's more common in autistic kids because they are more sensitive.
And it's not just sensory stimuli, it can be emotional, frustration at not being able to communicate or being scared of something.

Having a child with Asd when I hear people saying a child has had a meltdown when the child has had a tantrum really irks me a child that has a meltdown has absolutely no control where a by child having a tantrum has control.

In my children (1 NT, 1ASD) a tantrum comes from a place of anger and a desire to force a particular outcome.

A meltdown stems from sensory overload and the resulting fight or flight response- and the physical impact can be seen for hours later.

I can definitely tell the difference in my own children.

A tantrum: child may be making eye contact or at least checking with you to see your reaction. A child having a tantrum about wanting a biscuit is likely to stop if the biscuit is offered, or if they need to continue with the rage, will switch to another demand instead (think toddler WANT BISCUIT x10, offer biscuit and watch the switch to WANT JUICE NO JUICE WANT JUICE)

Meltdown: child is so totally overwhelmed by the situation that you can’t reach them at all. It doesn’t stop when they get the biscuit or the juice or whatever it is. It may not be about anything simple but a response to external stimulus - motorbike driving past of helicopter or flickering fluorescent light or the smell of perfume. It’s not happening to get a reaction from you; you might just as well not be present at all. Can be extreme - head banging, hands over ears and screaming at the same time, eyes may be closed, child can be totally unreachable.

Tantrums are about boundaries, about working out limits, about trying to be in control sometimes. They’re about Big Feelings and usually as a child gets older they learn self control. Older children screaming for ice cream or adults stropping over the length of time they have to wait in a queue or why they need to keep 2m distance, that’s still tantrum. Husband stropping because dinner isn’t ready when he comes home. Loss of self control.

Meltdown is frequently an autism or sensory processing issues thing. Not exclusively, of course. it’s an uncontrollable reaction to the overwhelmingness of whatever sensory overload is going on.

I’d personally prefer it if people didn’t describe a perfectly normal toddler tantrum as a meltdown as I see them as two entirely separate things. But I wouldn’t jump down anyone’s throat about it. But i will get incredibly cross with anyone who decides my child’s meltdown is just naughtiness or tantrum. And if people don’t understand the difference between them it’s easy to see how that happens.

Toddler tantrum, mostly I can ride out, commenting a lots about oh dear, I can see how hard this is for you, or tickle them out of it, or pretend to fall over and slapstick comedy them out of it. None of that will reach a child (or adult) in a meltdown. Just have to protect my child’s head and my legs and ride it out; for us squashing him helps as they make him feel as though he’s flying apart so a great big bear hug helps him to join back together. For others though touch would be incendiary. It’s very individual.

I am an oldie, and only ever heard the word tantrums,as in a small child who can't have what they want,or getting told off for something or other. Meltdowns was not a term used years and years ago.

Dd, (undiagnosed PDA), wasn't even present during a meltdown, she was totally out of control and just had no idea what she was doing or why.
This went right up until she moved out two years ago at 17, and perhaps still does just she doesn't tell me about it.
Temper tantrum, which she also had as a toddler were totally different, the reason might be illogical as a adult but there was a reason, she could also either be coaxed out of them or left to get over it, she was no danger.
In a meltdown she was a danger to herself and to me.

Meltdowns was not a term used years and years ago.

I'm about to turn 60 and have 40yrs working with children. I first heard the term Meltdown at a 'school for maladjusted boys' that I was working in at the age of 18, so it's been around for a while.

They are different things but also what starts off as a tantrum can turn into a meltdown. Meltdowns don't have to last a long time to be meltdowns. Ds can be in and out of one in 10 minutes but it is very intense whilst he is in it. I use being in distress rather than meltdown because that is how he feels. He looks frightened when it is happening.

A tantrum is controlled, and a conscious decision. A meltdown is a loss of control. Both can be had by NT and SN children. My ASD DS was perfectly capable of being naughty and having a tantrum, but also had some spectacular meltdowns when everything just got too much.

Autism wasn't known about years and years ago either.
I didn't go to school with a single autistic child, and I'm only 43.