Meltdown- is this not a tantrum?

[booksandnooks]

Inspired by a comment on another thread.
When I was a child and we would be naughty, scream, cry, you know that kind of stuff, my parents and anyone else would call it a meltdown rather than a tantrum as tantrum was a term reserved for toddlers.
However I have been noticing a lot of comments saying that meltdowns are only for sn children and NT children aren't allowed to be described as having meltdowns.

I switch between tantrum and meltdown and destroying mummies poor ears for my children and am wondering if I'm actually being completely insensitive and possibly down right offensive.

Can anyone shed any light? I am the mother of nt children and have had no dealing with sen or sn or anything like that.

I think my DS is NT, he’s five and seems to be although does have some sensory issues. But he’s intense and highly strung and has been since infancy. I’ve seen him have tantrums but I’ve also seen him have meltdowns and they’re totally different. Luckily, he’s not had one recently but when he was younger he had quite a few and they were horrible. Totally uncontrolled and uncontrollable - I actually found them quite scary. Whereas with a tantrum there would usually be a definable cause and identifiable solution (such as giving him something he wanted).

Hi @RonniePickering

My own uncle, so our son's great-uncle, is non-verbal and has learning disabilities (along with epilepsy); he is in his early 70s. I'm pretty sure that if he were younger, he would have been diagnosed with Autism. He was sent away from home at a young age and spent much of his life in mental units before moving out to a shared bungalow about thirty years ago when attitudes finally started to change.

@Bedtimedear

As a teacher, I would never use the term 'tantrum'. I would say 'meltdown'. Doesn't matter if they are NT or ASN....all behaviour is communication.

That’s really interesting; as a teacher myself I’d not use either term. I find them to have negative connotations. When speaking with parents about their child I would describe the behaviour as a loss of control or a manifestation of a struggle to communicate effectively. In my early years of teaching ‘meltdown’ was a term I barely heard use.

Fair challenge @soontobe60 , those do sound like more constructive and sympathetic terms.

With regard to the language used by teachers to parents .... as a parent of a child who has had a fair few meltdowns, I ideally would like teachers to be a bit blunt and tell me literally what happened. If DD was screaming and throwing stuff I need to know that... or if she shouted once and then stomped off to sit alone then I would want to know that. Especially as the latter would be major progress in control for her so would actually be a good outcome. Terms like “tantrum” “meltdown” or “loss of control” are less helpful as they are quite subjective and I can’t tell what actually happened and where that sits on DD’s own particular outburst scale.

"as a parent of a child who has had a fair few meltdowns, I ideally would like teachers to be a bit blunt and tell me literally what happened."

I agree. I want the full detail not "unsettled" or had to be "supported" when they mean restrained.

Autism wasn't known about years and years ago either.
I didn't go to school with a single autistic child, and I'm only 43.

I'm your age and I went to school with children who were clearly on the spectrum somewhere. It just wasn't recognised as much as it is today.

I also am. We were targets for bullies too. I was known as the weirdo

Definitely a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. The latter (in my experience) doesn't always follow the same pattern of a tantrum. My eldest will start rocking when over stimulated and loses all ability to listen - just completely goes into himself until it passes. Never been much for tantrums, probably can count on one hand how many of those he had between 1 and 4/5ish (though he can still be a grump about being told no!). My younger one though, king of tantrums at times! Also has signs of ASD but also very determined in his stubborn side. Has yet to show a meltdown, where no amount of bribery and distraction will change the situation, though he doesn't have the Sensory Processing issues the older one has (think it's a significant difference between the two). Ultimately, as other have said, the key difference is control.

As for autism not being around that long, very wrong. What people wrongly call 'higher functioning autism' may becoming more recognised, the condition in general has been around a long time. At least 2 kids in my Primary had autism and several in secondary - I'm mid 30s. One of my older relatives was a special needs nurse and they worked with those with autism in every part of the community. Often said you could see undiagnosed autism in some parents and how it was far more common than reported. They started their career in the 70s, so certainly nothing new!

Both of my children had awful occasional tantrums. They could be triggered by something innocuous but they would then totally lose themselves in them. They would no longer know why they were screaming or crying and you couldn’t anything to stop it. They could last for an hour. My DD who is 4 still very occasionally has them. I would call them meltdowns rather than tantrums as once they started, they have no control over them.

The word tantrum has connotations of naughtiness and has been replaced by meltdown by many parents of young children as a more palatable way to describe the behaviour.

Article about the differences between a meltdown and a temper tantrum
here www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-an-autistic-meltdown-260154

I see tantrums and meltdowns very different. DD1 had meltdowns, there wa s literally nothing you could do but she had no control over her emotions at all. DD2 has tantrums (she's 3 now) and it's only since having her that I realise the difference. DD2 will get angry and upset etc but you can usually talk her round or let her come out of it herself. You could be battling with DD1 for hours!

MatildaTheCat
I think some parents have appropriated 'meltdown' because they don't want to accept that their child, like most children, has tantrums at times.

minipie
In my experience it's a risk when you first speak to parents about those sorts of behaviour. I tend to be initially cautious at the start of the conversation, take the lead from the parent and then be more frank once I see that the parent is receptive.
Most parents tend to be like you, but some can be very quick to minimise and get defensive so a different strategy is needed.

Thanks for the perspective and insight shown by many of those who have posted. There is a difference, and I think whilst meltdowns do occur, sometimes tantrums are described as meltdowns incorrectly.

The Prime Minister threw a tantrum in the House of Commons on Wednesday when he was asked questions that he did not or could not answer, for example. Not a meltdown.

In the 70's it was a tantrum but today it seems to be meltdown, sounds more dramatic as well

Yes that’s fair LolaSmiles, having seen some “in denial” parents, I can see why you’d go in cautiously.