To think it’s really not that surprising that I have been signed off work

[Rollercoaster21]

I have been signed off work for 2 weeks as I think the last year has taken its toll. I worked full time from home, homeschooled the kids, haven’t seen my family in over a year, am going through menopause and it’s just all got too much. I feel really low and can’t stop crying all of a sudden.

My boss has been totally unsupportive- was really surprised and almost cross with me when I told her I was signed off and a bit ‘letting the side down’ which really hasn’t helped how I feel.

Aibu to think it’s really not that surprising given everything that I have had to take a bit of time out. Am sure loads of people feel similarly worn down & exhausted? It’s just added to the guilt I feel etc.

That is appalling of your boss! I would make sure any further communication is in writing via text or email.
I hope things feel brighter for you soon

What if everyone did this? I do wonder. I'm foreign and this system that allows people to 'get signed off' because life is hard always blows my mind.

Yes, they should be looking for ways to help and support you, not adding to the burden. I would look at it this way. You never know what's going on under the surface and maybe your boss is struggling desperately. You can't do anything about the utterly shite response. Just look after yourself.

I think, yeah, just look after yourself.

@osbertthesyrianhamster yea, thanks for your shitty reply too. Just what I needed

I wouldn’t use the phrase “it’s not suprising” in relation to the pandemic/lockdown to be honest, as we’ve all been through the same storm, but different people have been affected differently. Saying it’s not suprising implies everyone should feel the same.

However If you’ve reached burnout point, for whatever reason, there is 0 guilt in being signed off. Your mental health is obviously very affected and you need time and space to work that out. Your boss isbeing a dick to imply you are letting the side down. Mental health is important, and you should listen to your doctors advise.

I was signed off for a month or so with stress 10 years ago. I felt so much guilt. Getting a new job after that made me feel so much better.

It’s a really tricky one as I think everyone struggling in their own ways but it’s better you take a couple of weeks and get yourself right then carry on burn out and need months off.

[quote Rollercoaster21]@osbertthesyrianhamster yea, thanks for your shitty reply too. Just what I needed[/quote]
How is that shitty? It's a valid question. She may be done in herself, perhaps the business is struggling in ways you don't know. It's been hard on everyone. Perhaps consider another job.

Op are you getting treated for any mental health issues Ie depression?

Clearly most of what you describe is many people’s lives, but the can’t stop crying etc signifies a deeper mental health issue.

Also go see your family. If you’re at mental breakdown point with kids to care for you need to IMO.

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 I think what I meant was that given what we have all been through, I don’t get why she is so surprised that it’s had an impact on people’s mental health. We aren’t machines- probably badly phrased by me.

In future, don't disclose details because there's some people in life such as osbertthesyrianhamster who seem to confuse someone feeling very low with finding life a bit tricky.

If you've spoken to your GP about how you're feeling then they've made the decision that it's best for your mental health to be off, that's all there is to it.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

What if everyone did this? I do wonder. I'm foreign and this system that allows people to 'get signed off' because life is hard always blows my mind.

It’s nothing to do with you being foreign, you’re just uneducated about mental health. I have plenty of lovely international friends who do understand the link between stress, mental load and mental ill health.

Op, it’s not surprising and much better to take the time off, work out ways to recoup and support yourself in the ways you need, seek help if you need to and go back refreshed and feeling more positive.

@Bluntness100 to be honest, I think I probably need HRT!

I opened up to my boss and team this week that Im seriously struggling and very close to burn out. Ive been on antidepressants for months but am just not coping.

All very sympathetic, need to take care of myself etc. Then just piled in with so many suggestions and recommendations that I just felt even more stressed and useless and that it was my fault Im burning out cos I don't meditate enough

They have no idea of how hard my life is. 2 havent got any DC. 1 has kids but they've left home. My 2 are primary age and 1 is handicapped.

Im doing my best but its shit.

You recognise that you are struggling and have spoken to your GP and are now taking time out.

What else are you supposed to do? Keep carrying on until things get so bad you need an extended length of time off.

You may have caught your boss off guard & she may now regret her response.

Try and take the time to re charge the batteries & be kind to yourself.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

What if everyone did this? I do wonder. I'm foreign and this system that allows people to 'get signed off' because life is hard always blows my mind.

well presumably you are not signed off because you have not reached burnout point.

When someone has reached burnout, they are ill.

This happened to my Mum when she was about 57. Shye had worked long and hard for years, and then suddenly, that year, she hit burn out. Was off work for about 6 months, then back.

I feel sorry for you if you come from a country which doesn't recognise when someone is ill

I manage a care service, we have been to hell and back over the last 12 months. My team have several members who feel like you, OP and quite understandably so. I've arranged group and individual sessions to offer mutual support and provided advice as to how to access support outside the service.
The special problems of being a manager are that you have to always put on a brave face, always deal with other peoples problems and, no matter how your staff levels are affected, keep the service going. I wonder if your manager has gone through a lot herself? In this situation it is sometimes very hard to feel fully sympathetic to those members of the team you feel did not have things as bad as you did.
OP, if menopause is linked to your present situation please be sure to get your G.P. to address this, and to help you deal with the symptoms , no woman has to suffer this situation now.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

People get signed off work when they are hitting a wall and can’t cope anymore. Not just because ‘life is hard’. It’s because the culmination of life, and the pressure and stress caused by companies that don’t give two shits about their staff, just the bottom line, get too much and affect your mental and physical health. Not sleeping, stressing, increased heart rate, fatigue, aches and pains - can all be attributed to stress. If people aren’t signed off sick, sometimes life and work become so unbearable that it only gets worse in the long term. Think losing job, losing home cos can’t pay mortgage/rent etc. People don’t get signed off work because life is hard, that’s a ridiculous statement. They get signed off because of the physical and mental manifestations of stress.

I don't think you're going to get the responses you want from this thread OP. I do hope being signed off helps you after a difficult time. However everything you listed a lot of people have also suffered over the last year and the majority will have to persever, this is likely why your employer wasn't overly supportive as your situation shouldn't really require special treatment

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I’m very glad to live in a country that does recognise that people having a breakdown shouldn’t be in work!

Urgh not surprised you’re signed off with a boss like that!

I think one of the reasons my company hasn’t had many signed off- infact everyone is doing a lot better than before. Is before they have been very focused on promoting wellbeing, and they actually genuinely care about their staff. They have been very understanding about childcare and haven’t put on any pressure. They’re all the better for it and productivity has gone up.

I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time OP. Hope you take some time off and manage to get things sorted.

@Lsquiggles actually everyone on this thread has been very supportive and understanding with the exception of you and one other. Not sure why you felt you had to make the comments you have really.

I didn't mean any harm by my comment I just answered your question and gave my opinion of why your employer might not understand why you need to be signed off, you can't expect everyone to agree with you unfortunately

I think pragmatically in terms of being signed off it’s absolutely fine if you are being started on anti-depressants, or seeking counselling, beginning to practice mindfulness, or even using the time to rest and sort some practical bits out.

The danger is (and this is a generalisation) is that nothing is different at the end of the two weeks- and it’s even harder to step back into that situation. Then one needs more time off, and it snowballs.

Anecdotally when I had mental health problems (an adjustment disorder- wracked with anxiety and suicidal thoughts) I used amended hours and duties, but only had a week off work. It was so so hard to go back in and do my job and face the guilt and shame of having been off work even after one week- it was so easy to hide in my house. However going into work helped me get better and quite frankly stopped me sitting in my own thoughts and head- despite being frank about my suicidal thoughts my occupational health consultant felt I should still keep some work going for structure and normality.

In general work is actually good for people- and the longer you are out the less likely you are to ever go back.