To think it’s really not that surprising that I have been signed off work

[Rollercoaster21]

I have been signed off work for 2 weeks as I think the last year has taken its toll. I worked full time from home, homeschooled the kids, haven’t seen my family in over a year, am going through menopause and it’s just all got too much. I feel really low and can’t stop crying all of a sudden.

My boss has been totally unsupportive- was really surprised and almost cross with me when I told her I was signed off and a bit ‘letting the side down’ which really hasn’t helped how I feel.

Aibu to think it’s really not that surprising given everything that I have had to take a bit of time out. Am sure loads of people feel similarly worn down & exhausted? It’s just added to the guilt I feel etc.

I think people who don't understand how it can feel to be overwhelmed can be unsympathetic. Sometimes it's only when you're at the other side - DCs back at school, life going back to normal - that you can start to process what you've been through.
Please ignore your bosses comments and try to relax during your recuperation period.

It's not surprising that a combination of things have taken their toll, meaning you need time off. Unfortunately, your bosses attitude is also not surprising. Try not to let it get to you; and focus on getting well.

I think of myself as a pretty strong character, you have to be in my job and you deal with the not so nice issues in society in my role. But by November I had hit burn out. The job was insane, I was working unbelievable hours yet never making a dent in the work as new stuff was coming in faster than I could clear the old stuff.

I wasnt sleeping, I was teary all the time, I just couldn't work out how to move from one minute to the next.

My GP signed me off for a week, I tried to access counselling through my employer but it was only over the phone and tbh made me feel worse as I spent all day at work on the phone and I needed help face to face.

Anyway, a week off and an extremely supportive boss and within a few weeks I felt back up to full strength.

This is a new situation for everyone, we all deal with it differently. Some people power through, others need to do a bit of self care. We are all human.

No different to anyone else that has lived through
COVID is it? I don’t see what is surprising about getting signed off.

@drpet49

No different to anyone else that has lived through COVID is it? I don’t see what is surprising about getting signed off.

No, many people are in the same boat. And reading through this thread it is clear that lots of people feel the same as the OP - so in that sense it isn't that surprising.

It's also not a competition. Everyone has their own individual stressors and situations like this can affect different people on different ways. Speaking for myself, I have massive guilt issues. So something like covid where I feel like I can't give my best to my work or to my kids is massively stressful because I just constantly feel guilty and like I am failing everyone. Other people won't feel like that and that's great for them, but that's just the way it is for me.

If a doctor has decided you need time of then you do. They wouldn't have given this if they felt it wasn't justified. Trust their professional judgement. You will probably need longer. Similar happened to me a number of years ago. I also kept bursting into tears. I had depression and anxiety and went on antidepressants plus had a couple of sessions with the community psychiatric nurse. It took at least 3 months before I could go back to work but I did get better. If able to get out do. Walking helps and I had friends who I met up with for coffee etc which also helped.

My boss has been totally unsupportive- was really surprised and almost cross with me when I told her I was signed off and a bit ‘letting the side down’ which really hasn’t helped how I feel.

I would guess the "surprise" was that you probably came across as coping up until now. That's usual, people can go to extraordinary lengths trying to keep their head above water. They usually look fine to their manager and the outside world until they are way out of their depth and break down.

The "crossness" and "letting the side down" element is probably her trying to figure out how your workload is going to be completed while you are signed off. Chances are that things are stretched already, because that's how businesses work - employ the minimum needed to just about cope. By adding your workload onto other people it increases the risk of others suffering from mental health problems too.

That's not your concern though, you can't force yourself to work if it is making you ill.

HRT, and again in case anyone didn't hear, HRT. Please look into it, peri menopause and menopause cause so many issues and womens health just doesn't seem to be taken seriously. I don't believe we go through menopause, its not like our bodies start producing hormones again after a few years. Please see a menopause specialist if you don't have an up to date gp.

OP, some people who haven't experienced reaching that breaking point, or haven't had anyone close to them that has, struggle to see the difference between when things are a bit hard and getting to that point where you just can't cope anymore. It sounds like your boss is one of these people (as well as a couple of posters on this thread, one of which I recognised immediately from a thread they were pretty incoherently posting ridiculous statements on earlier today so I wouldn't pay them much attention).

I feel for you. The pandemic has been hard on most of us but it's affected some more than others. My family and I have been begging my sister to get signed off from work because she is literally broken. She just cries constantly and is not in a good way at all. She keeps refusing to get signed off because she thinks everyone else has managed fine, it doesn't matter though because she isn't managing and she needs help.
Don't worry about your boss, just do what you do to get yourself better. As a PP said, no job is worth sacrificing yourself for.

Rollercoaster21 Wed 28-Apr-21 10:33:49
@Marcis I agree with you completely (ironically I work in HR) - it’s just all got on top of me and I felt yesterday that I I literally couldn’t do another hour in work.
Of course your boss is in HR, you know, the ones charged with helping those resources to stay afloat.

Wow!

OP I hope you are able to get some help soon, anti-depressants and/or HRT. You have kept your head above water all the way through the most difficult times, and now the DC’s are back at school, that small release is enough to trigger an emotional response. It’s the catharsis after a pressure-cooker environment response, which is totally normal and, handled correctly by yourself, your GP and your Employer, will make you even more capable when returning to work. 💐

If you've genuinely got to the stage where you feel like you can't cope, then being signed off is absolutely the right thing to do. I hope you soon feel better

I’m sending you tons of positive thoughts. I’m also coping with menopause and life stress. I hope you are able to rest and relax. Have you anyone in real life that can support you at this time.💐

YANBU. I hit the wall early on the pandemic.

For complicated reasons, it triggered certain PTSD symptoms, then DH had Covid and took months to recover fully, and I was home schooling, working full time and looking after DH while also having mild Covid symptoms myself.

Difference is my work was understanding, let me take time off on short notice and then let me do what I could manage for a while.

Sometimes you just need to stop for a bit. Reduce the amount you're juggling and take a breath.

Big hugs 🤗
It must be very difficult! That’s a lot to be dealing with I would get yourself on Hrt have yourself a break don’t worry about your boss your health always come first xxx

It’s clear you are burned out OP. It doesn’t matter if your situation is far better or worse than others, you are burned out and that’s all that matters.

What one person can take, another cannot and you are perhaps stronger in ways that other people aren’t so don’t beat yourself up.

Time out and perhaps HRT will help you re calibrate

I’m sorry OP, of course YANBU. And don’t feel any guilt about what you spend your time doing during your 2 weeks either; you don’t have to catch up on housework as a penance or anything.