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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting to report her to SS? Wondering how to remain Anonymous.

53 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:27

Hi all, going to keep this as brief as I can as I’m tired and not feeling well but some things are playing on my Conscience so I want some advice. I’ll will reply with more detail and explanation tomorrow. (I think I’ve posted previously about her but can’t find the thread)

A friend of a friend I know, I’ve seen a little of and quite a bit recently (I helped her through a breakup) she’s what you’d call a vulnerable adult, was in and out of care herself, had quite a bad upbringing and turned to drugs in her youth. She’s had two children previously removed, then (you’d say turned her life around) everything seemed to be well with her, her third child is 4 but recently because of a new relationship there’s drugs, lots of face tattoos (not that I’m judging on that score but it seems unstable, I’m talking in the space of few months being covered so worried reguarding mental health)

Now I’ve seen things on social media, (not naming to be that outing) but drugs being taken during the school day. I think it’s the reason she isn’t taking her dc to school as she’s on benders with this boyfriend. They recently broke up but got back together I’m worried mostly about his influence on her life.

I’m wanting advice on how to report to her dcs school. I think they’d be the best to speak to. Cuts out the middle person and time if you go through a charity, also the hold times are madness currently with Covid. I need to remain Anonymous and I’m worried about sharing how I know what I know and being traceable. In all honestly I’m just hoping she has the support and intervention so this dc isn’t removed. She knows where I and a friend live who would know the most to tell the school. Do you think if I keep it too vague they won’t act?

sorry longer that I intended even when I tried to keep it short!

OP posts:

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:28

Sorry should of said school not SS in the tile that’s me being tired for you!

OP posts:

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/04/2021 21:30

Drugs are being taken when caring for a 4year old?

I'm a teacher - report this. You could report to NSPCC if you didn't want to go directly to school.

user648482729 · 27/04/2021 21:33

What are you thinking in terms of reporting to school - would you go in and speak to them or phone them? If you want to do it anonymously then I’d just report directly to social care; it becomes second hand information if you report to school and I’d worry in case it wasn’t passed on.

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:33

Yes drugs are being taken, during the school day, I know she took drugs 5 days in a row, I’m not sure how much time her dc had off but I know they weren’t in today. Think she’s blamed Covid or other excuses to get through the net.

OP posts:

user648482729 · 27/04/2021 21:34

I wouldn’t bother reporting to NSPCC unless you can’t get hold of social care; all they do is send it though to the local social services anyway.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/04/2021 21:35

OP it's very likely she will be on the school's radar anyway and a testimony from you will bolster what they already know.

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:35

I thought going through the school would be more effective as they know the child in question would know he’s absent, know mums history ect too. I really have to protect my identity as her parent is quite dangerous I believe too. And I have young dc and live alone with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:35

Partner*

OP posts:

DaisyDreaming · 27/04/2021 21:36

I reported twice via NSPCC. First time was a very positive experience. It was done in a way that my details weren’t passed onto the social worker but if the social worker wanted more information then the nspcc would contact me. The second time they didn’t take my concern seriously, it was more vague I admit and sadly they get fake reports and I think it got filed that way. I reported a week later to the local SS department but unknown to me in that week they had removed the children

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/04/2021 21:37

My advice - in the first instance, call the school on a withheld number and ask to speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead. Chat through your concerns including your wish to stay anonymous and see how the conversation goes before you decide if you want to disclose your details. You won't be the first person they've dealt with who wants to remain anonymous!

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:37

@user648482729

Yes I’m thinking of phoning the head tomorrow. I need to be very clear that I’m being vague as I have concerns for my own safety but I really need to stress that I’m worried about the child ( it’s quite rough area things happen to people who report people)

OP posts:

Whatshouldicallme · 27/04/2021 21:38

Please just report directly to social care. Agree that the less direct option of going through schools risks this falling through the net. You have the first hand knowledge, SS will get the most direct information from you. It is literally the job of SS to fully investigate this and provide support. The school can't do that, they can only report to SS but by then the information will be secondhand and watered down.

Findahouse21 · 27/04/2021 21:38

If you Google the area she lives and the phrase 'report a safeguarding concern about a child' it should bring up the information you need. Most authorities now have an online reporting form and you can add what you know without identifying yourself. The LA will do checks with the school if needed

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/04/2021 21:39

Either way, if you report to SS they'll inform the school, and vice versa, so it probably makes no difference

Jennydot · 27/04/2021 21:40

This needs to be reported urgently. A child has been out of school for 5 days plus (has anyone seen the child?).

Send a note, email, phone, go in person, call the police. However you report it, do so soon and make sure the message gets through.

I think you’re being really brave btw. Don’t delay though.

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:42

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Thank you that’s a good idea, I’m going to make a list ect and prepare before I call. Yes I know that but the social media outlet is one where you have set friends that see your story, so if that’s mentioned shed be able to narrow it down.

The stories are deleted, I’m not naming it here but I’m sure it’s ringing a few bells. So I’ve seen drug use on it but it wasn’t sent directly to me, if that makes sense. People do find out reporters and it can be dangerous. So I have to be so careful :( which is a shame and I know that. Hopefully the school appreciate that too.

OP posts:

IDontDrinkTea · 27/04/2021 21:42

Please report directly to social services. All you need to know is what area she lives in - eg which county and google how to report concerns about a child. You can either phone or fill out an online form and therefore you can be as anonymous as you like. Please don’t delay, that poor child

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:48

Yes I will be reporting tomorrow, I’m going to call the school as I can make sure he’s there and safe and report to them that her reasons aren’t true, using Covid and illness as in the first Instant they can do a welfare check. I think they need to know his absences aren’t valid.

I will then call SS, thanks everyone I will update on this thread what’s said and happening with this.

It’s smashed windows hate crimes and a lot of drama and damaged property if you’re a snitch. Also not to mention someone’s “hard” uncle knocking on your door With little you can do about it especially now with Covid, and police can’t do a lot anyway they’re so busy. So it really is a big step and risk I’m taking but I shall call tomorrow and keep you informed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:50

@Jennydot

This needs to be reported urgently. A child has been out of school for 5 days plus (has anyone seen the child?).

Send a note, email, phone, go in person, call the police. However you report it, do so soon and make sure the message gets through.

I think you’re being really brave btw. Don’t delay though.

Thank you, just have to be so careful. I know all the details they’ll ask and if I give too much away she’ll know it’s from someone close enough to her. People do really get found out :( x

OP posts:

Onesnowynight · 27/04/2021 21:51

I work in an area related to safeguarding. Please contact your local social services and give as much detail as possible.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 27/04/2021 21:53

I think much safer to speak with social services than the school to protect yourself.

Original poster

Breastfeedingworries · 27/04/2021 21:59

Do you think the school would be more outing? Maybe I should re think and just go direct. I just worry wi the all the calls they’ll be getting he’ll be low on their radar, the school know him, can call his mum straight up and sort a welfare check.

OP posts:

margaritavillesunsets · 27/04/2021 22:16

I'd call both and have this thread deleted. If they've put it on their own social media then it could be anyone reporting but your thread here could be a bit outing

Thirtyrock39 · 27/04/2021 22:21

You should definitely report direct to social care. You can do this anonymously. School would have to do this anyway so they are the 'middle man' and there's a risk they could miss out info as they'll be reporting second hand information.

ImFree2doasiwant · 27/04/2021 22:26

Go direct to social services.

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