13 month old fell down stairs AIBU

[stairgsate]

Just to start the baby is fine, however I am shaking. Have just had a huge fight with my husband about this. Need to know if IABU.

I will try to state the facts to not corrupt with all the emotion I am feeling.

Youngest is just 13 months, started walking a few days ago. DH and I were putting laundry away/sorting clothes. I was on the stairs behind the baby, she was headed upstairs so I was staying close to make sure she didn't fall. I needed to go downstairs to DD room to sort out her clothes, DH was on the way up the stairs, with a small amount of laundry in his hand - a few socks and pants at most. So as he approached DD2 and I on the stairs I saw he was headed up, DD was also headed up so I said "have you got her?" He said "yes". I turned around and went into DD room. Next thing I hear is a few thuds and a cry.

DD had fallen down the stairs, they are carpeted, she is fine, not even a bump, no clue how many stairs she fell down because DH was not watching her.

I scream, check the baby over, he immediately starts making excuses, he was only going to be a minute, he had laundry in his hands, it was my fault, she won't be the first baby to fall down stairs etc.

In his shoes I would have walked up slowly behind the baby, closed the door behind us and put the laundry away. I am so angry that he is minimising and excusing this situation. In my view it is simply neglectful. I always worry when he is in charge of the baby and I hate it.

.

@00100001

These things happen.

Yes ,,he should have been more careful,but even then, something may have happened.

Hopefully after everyone has got over the shock,you can have a sensible chat about how to prevent it happening again.

How to prevent it happening again??

Don't leave a baby alone on the stairs when you say you've got her?!

It's not fucking rocket science.

Did he actually overtake her on the stairs? If so that's really shitty of him, what did he think would happen?. Pleased she ok!

Also "he immediately starts making excuses, he was only going to be a minute, he had laundry in his hands, it was my fault, she won't be the first baby to fall down stairs etc."

This would do my head in. Own up and apologise like a responsible adult.

@stairgsate

thanks all, appreciate all views. I think I needed to vent as much as anything.

He's a fucking idiot. You don't leave a baby on the stairs. That's not an accident, that's a stupidity

Glad she's ok x

Don’t quite get why people are saying move on from it.. would the same be said if he’d just left her by an open first floor window? The outcomes could easily be the same.

Stupid careless thing to do YADNBU.

I'm with you OP. I would be worried if my DH had done this. What other errors of judgement will he make? And his reaction wasn't great.

@FTEngineerM

Don’t quite get why people are saying move on from it.. would the same be said if he’d just left her by an open first floor window? The outcomes could easily be the same.

Stupid careless thing to do YADNBU.

Because people have shockingly low expectations of men. They probably think 'what a good bloke' because he carried some socks upstairs

Bit confused about why you have had three babies with a man that you have said you don’t trust looking after them (with good reason it seems). Yes accidents happen but this was very avoidable and I’d be extremely upset. HOWEVER I would completely put it down to an error of judgement on my DH’s behalf because he’s always very responsible. If he was the type of parent who was like this all the time, which it sounds like yours is, I’m not sure I would keep having more babies with him.

Sorry I’ve realised my post comes across rudely which I didn’t mean but I do find it odd when people have multiple kids with a partner who has proven themself to be lacking in some way or another. Your husband is irresponsible with his child’s safety...that’s not a small thing!

Well he messed up. Hopefully he has learned. Does remind me of the time one of mine surfed down the stairs after flinging themselves at the upstairs stair gate as toddlers

I think the key here is that he needs to learn from his mistake and be more careful in the future.

It was definitely an error of judgement but ultimately no harm was done, maybe he thinks dd is more capable than she is.

For what it's worth, when my daughter was 10 months old I was running a bath, turned my back for a second and she fell down an entire set of stairs. I was really shaken and upset so I told DH who was quietly but clearly fuming with me. Took him a while to forgive me but fortunately he has since realised that even preventable accidents
can and do happen!

YANBU. Accidents do happen, but his minimising it is the issue for me. He should accept responsibility for what has happened. I did cringe when you said you've not got stair gates but even with stair gates it still would have happened. I mean she was going up the stairs with his knowledge when she fell.

@FTEngineerM

Don’t quite get why people are saying move on from it.. would the same be said if he’d just left her by an open first floor window? The outcomes could easily be the same.

Stupid careless thing to do YADNBU.

Because it's an accident and it can happen to anyone. I'm sure he feels awful enough without it being held over him too.

It's ok Mayor, on reflection I'd say he's probably pretty rubbish between the ages of 1-2.5 with safety, although it's always been a simple case of not watching closely enough/being close enough, never such an idiotic judgement call of walking past a baby in the stairs..

However he's loving, kind, fun, hard working, takes all 3 kids for trips to the park, takes the kids to their sports (and loves it/coaches) He is a great Dad. (I almost hate typing that at the moment :) ) All of these things I do as well though so am also a great mum :) lol

I am angry, calming down though, he has apologised.

@AlmostSummer21. Well, people make mistakes.

Good job you're a perfect parent... You never once dropped the ball... Never made a mistake...no child ever got hurt in your watch...

Because it's an accident and it can happen to anyone

Hmm - no, no it can’t. If you leave a tiny toddler who has probably just learn to walk on a flight of stairs the risk of them falling is enormous it’s almost a certainty. If someone can’t anticipate that risk then there’s probably some processing issues.

What’s the next post, he let go of her hand by a main road? Was that an accident too?

Yes, accidents do happen, but this is utter stupidity.

@FTEngineerM

Because it's an accident and it can happen to anyone

Hmm - no, no it can’t. If you leave a tiny toddler who has probably just learn to walk on a flight of stairs the risk of them falling is enormous it’s almost a certainty. If someone can’t anticipate that risk then there’s probably some processing issues.

What’s the next post, he let go of her hand by a main road? Was that an accident too?

I hope you are being sarcastic.

@FTEngineerM

Because it's an accident and it can happen to anyone

Hmm - no, no it can’t. If you leave a tiny toddler who has probably just learn to walk on a flight of stairs the risk of them falling is enormous it’s almost a certainty. If someone can’t anticipate that risk then there’s probably some processing issues.

What’s the next post, he let go of her hand by a main road? Was that an accident too?

Well, I'm glad you're the perfect parent whose never taken their eyes off the ball for second or had a child get accidentally injured in your care.

He made a mistake. He doesn't need to be lambasted for it forever more!

It was an accident not deliberate neglect. He probably feels awful already without you making it worse. Cut the poor bloke some slack, your baby is fine

He'll be well aware he's fucked up it''s done move on .

Well it's true that accidents happen, but to be honest, all I'm seeing is another fuck-witted bloke failing to 'see' the danger.

For me, YANBU.

@stairgsate

It's ok Mayor, on reflection I'd say he's probably pretty rubbish between the ages of 1-2.5 with safety, although it's always been a simple case of not watching closely enough/being close enough, never such an idiotic judgement call of walking past a baby in the stairs..

However he's loving, kind, fun, hard working, takes all 3 kids for trips to the park, takes the kids to their sports (and loves it/coaches) He is a great Dad. (I almost hate typing that at the moment :) ) All of these things I do as well though so am also a great mum :) lol

I am angry, calming down though, he has apologised.

Pretty rubbish with safety. I’ve heard it all now. It could have been a broken arm, leg or even neck. Eh not long till she’s safe at 2.5 then. I wouldn’t be calming down about this.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

Yes accidents happen and kids will get hurt, you turn your back and they have climbed up something or stuck their fingers somewhere etc and you can't watch them every second.

But in this case, it sounds like he deliberately left a 13 month old, who has only just started walking, on the stairs on her own, after you specifically checking with him that he was going to stay.

In my opinion, that's not an accident, that's negligence. It's pretty obvious what's going to happen to a child that can only just walk and is too small to have any sense of danger, on the stairs by themselves.

I say this as someone who is pretty relaxed about risk in general (let my kids on trampolines from a young age, don't always make them wear helmets on scooters etc) but ffs people die falling down stairs.

This.

My dd fell down a full flight of stairs when she was around 18 months, luckily she was absolutely fine. The safety gate failed, it was one of the tension ones. That is an accident. Not following an only just walking baby up the stairs is lazy and neglectful so I think your dh is in the wrong.