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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel emotional about daughter starting period

73 replies

AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:01

Just that really! My 12 yr old daughter text me from school at lunchtime to say she thinks she started her period today. She’s sworn me to secrecy so I can’t talk to anyone in real life, so I’ve come here instead!

I feel so sad. I’m sad for her that she’s now going to face the hell of periods every month for the next 35-40 years. I’m sad for me that my little baby girl has definitely grown up. I didn’t think for a second that I would be affected by this, but I really am.

AIBU to feel so emotional about it?? My mum died nearly 20 years ago, so I haven’t got anyone I can ask about how they felt.

OP posts:
minniemomo · 27/04/2021 16:04

It's not necessarily hell, I've never had issues, nor do my DD's. I wouldn't over think it, my mum was matter of fact with me and I was with mine.

ComDummings · 27/04/2021 16:04

Well growing up is normal. You can feel how you feel as long as you’re not being dramatic to your DD about it and you’re not attaching your emotions to how she feels about it.

ashmts · 27/04/2021 16:06

YABabitU, it's just a bodily function. Please don't make a drama of it, just help her with the practicalities. It's nice that she texted you, I felt really awkward telling my mum when it happened.

Original poster
AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:08

@ComDummings

Well growing up is normal. You can feel how you feel as long as you’re not being dramatic to your DD about it and you’re not attaching your emotions to how she feels about it.
Don’t worry - she’s been presented with a bag of sanitary towels, some period pants and some chocolate and we’ve chatted through the practicalities. I’m just quietly surprised that it’s affected me as much as it did....and normally I’d talk about it with my partner, but she doesn’t want me to tell anyone and I’m assuming that includes her dad, so I’m feeling a bit lonely about it all.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 27/04/2021 16:10

My DD’s started age 10 and 11, DD2 is severely autistic and was the one that started at 10, I felt really sad but for each of them we celebrated with dominos pizza and chocolate.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/04/2021 16:10

I was totally prepared for my dc starting their periods. I was totally fine with it, as were they because I never made it a big deal.

However I was showing my ds how to shave when he was 14 and I started crying and couldn't stop because he was all grown up Grin he has never let me live it down.

Sometimes we get emotional about weird things, its normal (I hope)

FloraFauna27 · 27/04/2021 16:10

@AFS1 You sound like a lovely mum. And I think feeling emotional about that next stage is normal! Then again, I’m the person who got a bit wobbly when DD lost her first tooth so maybe we are both OTT Grin

PinkCookie11 · 27/04/2021 16:10

I understand your feelings of your DC growing up!
I love that she’s sworn you secrecy 😂🙊
But as pp maybe don’t show her how emotional you are about it!

BashfulClam · 27/04/2021 16:10

@minniemomo

It's not necessarily hell, I've never had issues, nor do my DD's. I wouldn't over think it, my mum was matter of fact with me and I was with mine.
Yes but not everyone is so lucky. I was crippled every month (still am but less so) and have had heavy bleeding for the last 30 years since the fucker started! Just make sure she has what she needs sanitary protection wise and let her know she can ask anything at all. I was lucky my mum was very open and honest with me and it was really great to get able to talk to her or tell her there were clots etc and ask if it was normal. My dad treated it as a taboo woman’s thing that must not be discussed and must be hidden as it’s a shameful secret 🙄
JackieTheFart · 27/04/2021 16:10

I think it’s normal to have an over the top reaction to these growing up milestones - so long as you don’t let on to the kids that is!

Original poster
AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:11

@ashmts

YABabitU, it's just a bodily function. Please don't make a drama of it, just help her with the practicalities. It's nice that she texted you, I felt really awkward telling my mum when it happened.
I did too - and I’m determined not to be the same with my daughter. I’ve also never been coy about periods with her so it’s not taboo in our home.

I’ve just had a miserable time with periods throughout my adult life - horrendous period pains, bad migraines, particularly when on the pill, so many occasions when there has been leakage. I’m hoping things are better for my daughter. I suppose I just wanted her to be free of the hassle for a bit longer.

OP posts:
implantsandaDyson · 27/04/2021 16:12

You can be as emotional as you want but not with your daughter. This is where you've to be the grown up. It's great that she text you - I know with my daughters they appreciated the huge variety of pads I got them so they could try and see which ones they liked, comfy underwear and one of mine likes to sleep on a blanket over her sheet incase she leaks and I put two Calpol fast melts into their school bag as well as a change of underwear.

You must miss your Mum, it can be unexpectedly hard sometimes.

BashfulClam · 27/04/2021 16:13

Stock up on ibuprofen, it’s the only thing that eases my period pain. 600mg (the gp told me to take that much) but NOT on an empty stomach. I have to force myself to eat.

ComDummings · 27/04/2021 16:13

Sounds like you’ve dealt with it really well for your DD then. It is sad when they’re growing up, I get it, I do think some parents can be very OTT about it but as long as you’re being matter of fact with your DD (which you were) and not letting your emotions affect her then that’s fine. Just have a little wallow then focus on the positives, she’s growing up, she has her whole life ahead of her, so many exciting possibilities and she has a lovely caring mum.

Rosewood017 · 27/04/2021 16:13

YANBU. My babies are only 3 and I have a 5 month old. Someone told me that having children is wonderful but a series of losses. They start out needing you to purely survive and gradually need you less & less, which can be emotional!

But she is also blossoming into a young woman who you can create entirely different memories with. And in a few years you can share a bottle of wine!

Eyevorbig0ne · 27/04/2021 16:13

Mine started at 9. Poor kid.
She told me straight away so I gave her a hug and some towels. Offered her paracetamol and warned her she could get pregnant
I was privately sad, other girls get more childhood.

FangsForTheMemory · 27/04/2021 16:14

Not half as emotional as your daughter feels about it, I'll bet. This is about her, not you.

implantsandaDyson · 27/04/2021 16:15

I cross posted with your updates Grin. Oh one tip - I referred to pads as towels once with mine, it caused much amusement and apparently showed my age Hmm

Original poster
AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:15

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

When my “angelic” 6 yr old son starts shaving I’m pretty sure I’ll go to pieces too!

Luckily my daughter would be utterly mortified if I got all emotional about this in front of her, which is a pretty good incentive not to!

OP posts:
Original poster
AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:19

@implantsandaDyson

I cross posted with your updates Grin. Oh one tip - I referred to pads as towels once with mine, it caused much amusement and apparently showed my age Hmm
I think I did refer to them as towels Confused

I also did tell her something my mum forgot to which is that they’re not flushable. She was highly amused to hear that my mum finally pointed it out to me at some point after she’d been fishing them out of the toilet bowl for a couple of days...!

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 27/04/2021 16:20

Aw bless you.

I was emotional when mine started periods but in a different way. I thought it was something to celebrate, at least from her point of view. A rite of passage. If we'd been Jewish she would have a Bat Mizvah.

Your daughter's periods may not be Hellish, plenty of people have easy ones, not heavy or painful.

Think positively. This would have happened sooner or later.

Original poster
AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:21

@FangsForTheMemory

Not half as emotional as your daughter feels about it, I'll bet. This is about her, not you.
She was pretty shocked initially, but she’s incredibly level-headed and said she was pleased with how calm she’d stayed.
OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 27/04/2021 16:23

Oh, sympathies. I don’t think you’re at all wrong to feel how you feel. Changes are sad sometimes, even when they’re good ones. Hugs for you too. Flowers

Macncheeseballs · 27/04/2021 16:24

Fangs - that was pretty uncalled for, the op is very much involved in this situation

smogsville · 27/04/2021 16:25

It's absolutely fine for you to feel emotional. I expect I'll be the same. But if I were you I'd be delighted that she texted you and swore you to secrecy - I hope that when it's my daughter's turn, that's how it goes too. It sounds like you have a great, close relationship and she turns to you automatically and you're very ready to look after her and help her through the aches and pains and what to her will be a new and unwelcome experience - albeit one shared by half the world. Hopefully for her it won't be any worse than that. Best of luck, get the chocolate in.