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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel emotional about daughter starting period

73 replies

AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:01

Just that really! My 12 yr old daughter text me from school at lunchtime to say she thinks she started her period today. She’s sworn me to secrecy so I can’t talk to anyone in real life, so I’ve come here instead!

I feel so sad. I’m sad for her that she’s now going to face the hell of periods every month for the next 35-40 years. I’m sad for me that my little baby girl has definitely grown up. I didn’t think for a second that I would be affected by this, but I really am.

AIBU to feel so emotional about it?? My mum died nearly 20 years ago, so I haven’t got anyone I can ask about how they felt.

OP posts:

Thatwentbadly · 27/04/2021 16:26

I get emotional every time my youngest goes up a size in clothes because they clothes I am getting rid are reminders of both DD1 and DD2. It’s normal to be aware of the passage of time and be sad about things being over or changes even if your excited for the future.

wonderstuff · 27/04/2021 16:26

I was quite sad when my dd started for similar reasons. Why on earth do we need to be fertile for 30 years?! She'll be fine of course and I'm not letting on that I'm sad, they grow up so fast!

SecretWitch · 27/04/2021 16:28

My heart broke when my developmentally disabled daughter began her periods at age 11. Period pants have been a lifesaver for us.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 27/04/2021 16:33

My 11 year old (still in Primary) started before Christmas, not a shocker as she's 5ft5 and she's dealt with it brilliantly. She is tired and seems to get back pain which I never did but is young enough to be open about it and not too mortified. She started off with disposables as we had a lilets teen pack in the house ready, then reusable pads for a few months and now she uses the Cheeky Wipes period pants and thinks they're brilliant.

There is a youtube clip from the 50s or 60s of a mum teaching her daughter about sanitary towels and showing how to put them on the belt, I'd heard of them but never seen them. DD and I decided we were very glad technology has improved, the pads looked like mini mattresses.

SpongeCakeAddict · 27/04/2021 16:34

Mine had their first in feb, and their second started yesterday. DC is autistic and has handled it well but I had no idea that it would make ME feel weird. I'm autistic too, but I don't think that's why. I think it's quite normal to feel something. It's a change, a new stage, and just because it's a normal and expected occasion does not mean that some of us won't feel something when it happens.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 27/04/2021 16:37

@Thatwentbadly my 11 Yr old Dd is currently sat on the sofa wearing clothes I bought when I was at university just before I found out I was pregnant with her. I can't believe I have a child old enough and big enough to wear them.

Lovemusic33 · 27/04/2021 16:39

@SecretWitch

My heart broke when my developmentally disabled daughter began her periods at age 11. Period pants have been a lifesaver for us.

I have just invested in 7 pairs for Dd, they are a game changer, though I still have to remind her to change them, luckily dd doesn’t seem to make any fuss when on her period but having ASD doesn’t help with personal hygiene. Dd is now 15 but just can’t grasp the whole period thing

foxyroxyyy · 27/04/2021 16:41

Periods don't have to be hellish. Mine were when I was younger but I made a few fairly significant lifestyle changes and honestly they aren't even really an inconvenience these days.
Don't teach your daughter that they are something to be sad about or to dread. They are a part of being a woman.

maxineputyourredshoeson · 27/04/2021 16:43

I get you OP. DD1 has recently started hers, it just seems a lot of change with her at the moment with being her last year of primary etc. She’s also overtaken me in shoe size which I found emotional .

She’s coped really well, taken it all in her stride. I am worried about both her and DD2 having awful periods. I had Adenomyosis and a hysterectomy at 32.

SecretWitch · 27/04/2021 16:46

@Lovemusic33, I understand. My daughter is almost 14 now. She too requires hygiene prompting.

Notonthestairs · 27/04/2021 16:52

It's emotional because it's the start of something new, the slow transition in to young adult and every new change that will come with that. Of course it taps in to your emotions.

Yes my youngest (11) started hers a couple of months ago. She has learning difficulties and a pretty relaxed attitude to personal hygiene. Period pants and a promise of a Kit Kat after having a shower have worked for us.

Original poster

AFS1 · 27/04/2021 16:55

Thank you for being understanding - I’m using this as an outlet for my emotion precisely so it has no impact on her.

For those using period pants, do you need to rinse them out before you wash them. I’ve only bought one pair for my daughter to try at the moment, but I think they may be the way forward.

OP posts:

SecretWitch · 27/04/2021 17:02

@AFS1, I do not rinse her pants before washing. I do line dry them though as I’ve heard it helps them to last longer ( for the price of those pants they should last until she is 90😂)..

Notonthestairs · 27/04/2021 17:09

I bought a nappy bucket and soak them for a couple of hours before washing in cold water and a bit of napisan. Dry on line/airer.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/04/2021 17:17

FFS "face the hell of periods every month for the next 35-40 years"
Well yes, if you educate her that it's something to make a drama out of!
What an appalling example to set her.

minniemooblue · 27/04/2021 17:17

I rinse them off in the bath under the cold tap. Wash at 30, no fabric conditioner then line dry.
My daughter has 6 pairs. She wears one during the day, bath/shower then a fresh pair at night.

I think they are amazing, my daughter also has an autism diagnosis and they have been a life saver.
I also got her a swimming costume as it was in the sale. She felt comfortable wearing it at her swimming lesson on Saturday. She was on day 5 though so I'm not sure how she would have felt if it was a heavy day.

SmileyClare · 27/04/2021 17:19

On the flip side of this, it's brilliant that you have a close relationship with your daughter and she confides in you.
I didn't tell my mum, I told one of my older sisters and she gave me some of her pads and an alarmingly large looking tampon to "try".
It's good that she is healthy and going through the normal course of puberty, I mean it's good that everything's working as it should!

I read a book once where an American mom threw a "period party" when her daughter started. Most daughters don't want a fuss..

AmyLou100 · 27/04/2021 17:20

Aww I can imagine it's now that shes entering a different stage of her life, that makes it emotional. It's a big thing, for you and her. 🌷

NavigatingAdolescence · 27/04/2021 17:34

Mine’s just had her second at 10.5.

I get where you’re coming from. She was really stoic with the first, but the second made her ask “is this going to happen every month forever?!” with the widest eyes. Made me realise just how shit it all is.

WellTidy · 27/04/2021 17:36

I remember being so happy to have started. I was 13 and was July born, so one of the youngest in the class and was short, slightly built etc, so one of the last in the class to have started.

I am an only child, and my mum made me keep my tampons (which I used from my second period and still use today and I’m 45) in a wicker lidded basket, which was a few few from the loo, but really really high up, and made for some interesting contortions in the early days!! Of course, it would have been unthinkable for my dad to have actually seen tampons, so they couldn’t be visible. Despite the tooth brushing, hair washing, shaving etc stuff being on the bathroom shelf. But no, couldn’t have pads or towels there.

JaninaDuszejko · 27/04/2021 17:36

DD1 (13) has just started hers and demanded I make a red velvet cake to celebrate. She's the last in her friend group to start so she's very excited and happily told her hairdresser it was her period as well. Quite cute really. We'll be getting period pants, she has already got a swimming costume (priorities) which I'm very impressed with. Might have to get myself one since there's no sign of the menopause for me yet and I don't like swimming with my mooncup.

Mn753 · 27/04/2021 17:41

First post

countryatheart · 27/04/2021 17:49

My mother made my periods all about her when I started, she was so emotional about it and asked why I was not upset I was actually feeling rather grown up and proud of myself, and she completely ruined it for me.

Nope, don't be that mother!

loveheartss · 27/04/2021 18:08

Some of the responses are a little harsh.

Totally understandable why you feel a bit emotional OP! Myself, like a previous poster, gets a little emotional when my child goes up a clothes size too because although it is wonderful watching them grow up, I just want to cling to her!

It doesn't sound at all to me as if you have handled this poorly to her, sounds like you're a fab mum if she was able to confide in you!

lanthanum · 27/04/2021 18:12

My pill means that I haven't had periods since DD was born, except for one rogue one which we never really got an explanation for (did go for some tests - I think best guess is that I had some mild infection which affected the hormones somehow). That happened to come a couple of months after DD started hers, and I was actually strangely glad to have that bit of "female solidarity" with her. (I was also relieved that it happened after I'd started keeping supplies in for her, or I'd have been stuck!)

She's using reusable pads rather than period pants - I was a bit worried that since presumably at some point she will develop some hips, the period pants were going to get outgrown fairly quickly. I give them a quick rinse before they go in the wash, and there's a bit of me that doesn't like to put them in the same wash as the face masks!

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