Page 3 | To feel emotional about daughter starting period

AFS1 · 2021-04-27T15:01:43+00:00

Just that really! My 12 yr old daughter text me from school at lunchtime to say she thinks she started her period today. She’s sworn me to secrecy so I can’t talk to anyone in real life, so I’ve come here instead! I feel so sad. I’m sad for her that she’s now going to face the hell of periods every month for the next 35-40 years. I’m sad for me that my little baby girl has definitely grown up. I didn’t think for a second that I would be affected by this, but I really am. AIBU to feel so emotional about it?? My mum died nearly 20 years ago, so I haven’t got anyone I can ask about how they felt.

Original poster

AFS1 · 27/04/2021 18:45

@Mn753

First post

Name change!

OP posts:

Mn753 · 27/04/2021 18:54

Sure. There's just a lot of these. And I would bet a considerable sum of money they're started by men.

Original poster

AFS1 · 27/04/2021 19:23

@Mn753

Sure. There's just a lot of these. And I would bet a considerable sum of money they're started by men.

I’ve heard of those threads. Can’t imagine why on earth anyone would get off on this kind of thing, but there’s a hell of a lot of weirdos on the world, so not a lot surprises me.

Like I said before, I just feel a bit lonely today - it’s a bigger deal for me than I expected. The one person I would have like to have talked to about how I’m feeling died a long long time ago and in any event my daughter has sworn me to secrecy, so I’m having to talk to a bunch of strangers on the internet!

OP posts:

SmileyClare · 27/04/2021 19:35

Well you're not asking for any graphic details Op. I didn't think you were a man wanting wank fodder or something weird.
I think its fine to feel how you do, just don't make it too much of a big thing with your dd? I would have hated a fuss at that age! It's not really a sign that she's grown up, I don't think I would put such weight on this as an "event

I get it though, that feeling that you could be talking to your mum about something like this. Things like this are little reminders she's not here.

Mary46 · 27/04/2021 19:36

Big change in her life op. My daughter was old getting them close to 15!! Very sporty and slim. I can imagine a big shock getting them at 9 or 10. Its not easy

Hankunamatata · 27/04/2021 19:38

I thought you were going to say 8/9. 12 normal age for periods

Divineswirls · 27/04/2021 19:40

YANBU I got very excited when DD got her periods and now as her body changes every few months. DD likes that she can talk about it when she wants which isn't very often as the novelty has worn off for both of us. I'm reminded every month though when she gets upset and teary about something a bit silly that she's just started her period. I forget every month then bam.

SaturdayRocks · 27/04/2021 19:50

OP - I hope you’re taking the dickish responses on this thread with a huge grain of salt!

I also lost my DM nearly 20 years ago, and I do totally get being sad about not being able to talk to her about being a parent, and sharing our experiences. Getting advice from her, and asking what it was like for her.

My DD is nearly 11, and I’m very much hoping she’s a late starter, like me. Although I’m 5’10”, I didn’t get mine until I was 14. I was desperate for it to arrive by then, but if I’d known then what I know now about what a painful inconvenience it is, I would have been in no rush.

Of course you’re not weeping and wailing and making a drama out of it in front of your DD. That is patently obvious to anyone with an ounce of reading comprehension skills.

Holothane · 27/04/2021 19:58

I was the first in my group of friends I was just 13 my first thought oh god this for the next forty , my aunt gave me pads but no no emotional support I was a woman now that was it.

RampantIvy · 27/04/2021 19:58

I think it’s normal to have an over the top reaction to these growing up milestones

I must be odd then because I don't. It is just the next step towards becoming an adult. I didn't make any kind of deal about it at all. I just kept some sanpro ready for when she needed it.

I think it is a shame that girls have to deal with periods at such a young age. DD had awful periods and I often had to pick her up from school when the pain was so debilitating.

Voomster953 · 27/04/2021 20:02

I really like my periods 🤷🏼‍♀️ Yeah, they’re heavy since having a baby but they’re a good excuse to treat myself each month. I am kind to myself on those days. And I like the snuggly pyjamas and big pants and hot water bottles and the strange sense of camaraderie they bring with other women. Is that odd? Nevermind.

Vargas · 27/04/2021 20:10

Please ignore the harsher responses OP, they seem to think you are sharing your fears with your dd which you are clearly not. FWIW I felt exactly the same, especially as she's my youngest. It's hard being a young woman these days, and I knew that the innocent times of girlhood were basically over.

It is an emotional time, but it does get better. My dd has been lucky and has been fairly unfazed by it all, hopefully your dd will be the same.

Vargas · 27/04/2021 20:12

@Voomster953

I really like my periods 🤷🏼‍♀️ Yeah, they’re heavy since having a baby but they’re a good excuse to treat myself each month. I am kind to myself on those days. And I like the snuggly pyjamas and big pants and hot water bottles and the strange sense of camaraderie they bring with other women. Is that odd? Nevermind.

You have a great attitude! And it's not odd, but possible not a majority opinion

.

SmileyClare · 27/04/2021 20:17

I don't think it's too odd to feel a sense of "camaraderie" with other women. I remember chatting about periods with my girlfriends at school and being really excited to tell them I'd started (was one of the last in our group)!

Perhaps it's tougher if you start early and can't share it but I think 12yrs is about average.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 27/04/2021 20:23

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

I was totally prepared for my dc starting their periods. I was totally fine with it, as were they because I never made it a big deal.

However I was showing my ds how to shave when he was 14 and I started crying and couldn't stop because he was all grown up he has never let me live it down.

Sometimes we get emotional about weird things, its normal (I hope)

I dont have a daughter, but I have 3 sons. When my middle son started shaving I felt the same way. I thought I was the only person to get so emotional over something like that. Not sure why I didnt with my oldest son, and youngest has not started yet, but my middle son starting hit me so hard.

Pyewackect · 27/04/2021 20:37

Don't make a drama out of it ?.

My 16dd , Princess Fifi, has to go and lie down in a darkened room when she gets in from college and have her meals taken up to her. Apparently she has to " suffer for her femeninity. It is the fate of every woman " .

I've told her father that she can eat with the rest of us but he'll make her a sandwich and take it up to her. I've threatened to boil him in oil if he does it again, but it's no use.

SmileyClare · 27/04/2021 20:42

@ princess Fifi. Milking it for all its worth there.

newnortherner111 · 27/04/2021 20:44

YANBU to feel emotional about one of the steps of your DD not being a little child any more. Be supportive for her.

Rowco · 27/04/2021 20:50

I too, was sworn to secrecy when my daughter started, which I kept to. Some of her friends mum’s did share the news with family members and the friends were gutted and embarrassed. The trust and closeness at this time was so special between me and daughter. I was happy her body was in good health and working properly. The two of us went to a restaurant (when her period ended!) to celebrate her becoming a young lady.

Maybe try to be encouraging, brave face etc.

bombis · 27/04/2021 21:52

I might need to wait awhile before dd8 periods start. I was 17.5 years and so was my mum.

alpenguin · 27/04/2021 22:14

My dd started at 10. I was more emotional than I expected to be. She’s not great at dealing with it but she’s embarrassed by it for some reason and won’t talk about it. I too was sworn to secrecy. I don’t think it’s abnormal to be emotional when your daughter becomes a woman. It can complicate things so much more for a child and you want to just be able to share those worries with someone. I get that.

My dd is still waiting for the school talk on periods (they’re now all turning 12 and others girls have started too now) and one girl in her class has no idea what periods are. She’d be in for a real shock if she started now. I think it’s so sad parents can’t talk with their kids about natural bodily functions.

Darbs76 · 27/04/2021 22:15

I felt the same for my daughter, then she ended up with the worse period imaginable and a blood transfusion and 2 days in hospital! Shocking! Things have settled more but very sporadic. She takes it in her stride though

SmileyClare · 27/04/2021 22:24

@Rowco

I too, was sworn to secrecy when my daughter started, which I kept to. Some of her friends mum’s did share the news with family members and the friends were gutted and embarrassed. The trust and closeness at this time was so special between me and daughter. I was happy her body was in good health and working properly. The two of us went to a restaurant (when her period ended!) to celebrate her becoming a young lady. Maybe try to be encouraging, brave face etc.

I think it's great to put a positive spin on periods. It's lovely that your dd is comfortable to discuss her issues with you, woman to woman.

That said, I must admit I found it so refreshing that my husband was so relaxed about periods having grown up with three sisters himself.
Completely unfazed by period talk, knickers soaking in a sink or buying a box of tampax in the local shop for me. When I grew up, my sister's and my periods weren't discussed and my dad was certainly not aware of any of it, it was almost disrespectful to have any San pro visible in the bathroom so it felt a bit like a shameful secret.