Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think either men or their exes are lying about orgasms?!

102 replies

samosamo · 27/04/2021 15:59

So, just listened to today's womans hour - bear with me! All about how only 20% of woman orgasms through vaginally sex alone. I knew this, but the conversation reminded me of conversations I've before when the man has said to me 'but all the women I've slept with before you have (because I so truly refuse to pretend, I think pretending will get neither of us anywhere if a mutual outcome is what were after!).

So, AIBU to think it's either the men, or the women they have been with, who are fibbing??!! Which do you think? (Unless of course, it's true and these men are just mr lover lover guys!!!)

OP posts:
babbaloushka · 27/04/2021 17:23

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm faking or not. It feels nice vaginally, and I can "cum", but it doesn't feel anywhere like a proper clit stimulated orgasm if that makes sense? I don't know if others experience this.

LittlestBoho · 27/04/2021 17:42

I genuinely believe most of these men wouldn't know a female orgasm if it slapped them in the face. They probably think "she moaned once while I was jackhammering away so she definitely came; I AM THE GREATEST! I am the Casanova of the 21st century. My penis is magical. I am magical. Worship me as a god."

To these men, unless a woman has specifically said "you didn't make me come" he will assume she came, and if she didn't come he'll assume it's because she's got something wrong with her. Honestly, sometimes I wish I had the confidence of an average, mediocre man.

Magnificentmug12 · 27/04/2021 17:47

I was thinking that just the other day!! Cuming (is that the right spelling?) through penetration is nice, like how feeling overwhelmingly happy is nice, but cuming through clit stimulation is like a explosive orgasm- and one men rarely achieve, but I think for a man, cuming is like a clit orgasm, so they have a explosive orgasm every time!!!! No wonder they love it so much 😂

LimeCoconut · 27/04/2021 18:07

@Magnificentmug12

I was thinking that just the other day!! Cuming (is that the right spelling?) through penetration is nice, like how feeling overwhelmingly happy is nice, but cuming through clit stimulation is like a explosive orgasm- and one men rarely achieve, but I think for a man, cuming is like a clit orgasm, so they have a explosive orgasm every time!!!! No wonder they love it so much 😂
It’s spelled ‘coming’ or ‘cumming’ :)
GrumpyHoonMain · 27/04/2021 18:10

I’m in the 20% that can, but it takes a lot of foreplay.

Goldenphoenix · 27/04/2021 18:28

It's the fault of porn I reckon, most of it shows women having an orgasm as soon as they start. Bloody liars!

thighsin · 27/04/2021 18:29

@GrumpyHoonMain

I’m in the 20% that can, but it takes a lot of foreplay.
It's not the same though is it?
PassionPeach · 27/04/2021 18:32

@babbaloushka

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm faking or not. It feels nice vaginally, and I can "cum", but it doesn't feel anywhere like a proper clit stimulated orgasm if that makes sense? I don't know if others experience this.
I 100% get you. To me, vaginally it feels more like a mind orgasm, whereas clitoral is a full body experience. I've tried explaining that to my bf but he doesn't quite get it. I am happy with either. I did used to fake it though, especially with my ex. He used to bang away like he was trying to break down a wall. I was young, stupid and thought it was the right thing to do. No way in hell I'd put up with that shit now.
LakieLady · 27/04/2021 18:34

@GrumpyHoonMain

I’m in the 20% that can, but it takes a lot of foreplay.
I can too, but it takes a lot of patience on the part of a new partner and a willingness to follow instructions!
GrumpyHoonMain · 27/04/2021 18:44

@LakieLady yes - lol that’s what I meant by foreplay. I need a massage and for them not to touch me below the belt at all. It requires me to get into a zone.

bunglebee · 27/04/2021 19:13

I'm also in the 20% and I agree that the orgasms are qualitatively different. Vaginal orgasms are shorter and more localised, clitoral ones last longer and spread over more of my body. The really good ones involve both, and I orgasm vaginally much more easily if I've already got off.

Sparklesocks · 27/04/2021 19:16

I think it’s a mix. Some women fake but also some men don’t know what an orgasm sounds/feels like - so if their partner is getting into it and being audible etc they might think they’ve crossed the finish line before the final 100m sprint!

Moonmelodies · 27/04/2021 19:20

Is it not normal to be working your clit at the same time, or him doing it?

thighsin · 27/04/2021 19:46

@Moonmelodies

Is it not normal to be working your clit at the same time, or him doing it?
It is for me, I might orgasm before with oral though or I might orgasm after, doing it myself. But if we want to come together one of us needs to be working away at the clitoris
Lou98 · 27/04/2021 20:00

I think it's mostly women faking it, I have done in the past many times (although not when in a relationship as I don't want to get serious with someone that I wouldn't have enjoyed sex with!)

Although, I do also think a lot of it is men that don't actually check it a woman has "came" and just assumed from the noises etc or just chose to believe that they did

CyberNan · 27/04/2021 20:06

i faked it for years... i dont know if he knew but i'm fairly confident he didnt give a shit.

Holothane · 27/04/2021 20:08

Oh I had this from my ex apparently non of his other partners complained so I had the problem.

Holothane · 27/04/2021 20:09

I’ve never come viganal and never will.

ImInStealthMode · 27/04/2021 20:20

Definitely women faking it, and (some) of the men being willing to believe anything if it makes them feel good.

I've faked it in the past, usually in effort to make them get on with it (who spread the rumour that it always has to go on for literal hours to be good? Not a woman I'd guess Hmm).

Appreciate that all it results in is worse sex for all of us though, and don't do it any more! Glad to have found a rare DP who is always happy to provide, even if/when there's no reciprocal treatment in it for him.

newnortherner111 · 27/04/2021 20:26

Men don't lie about their performance in bed? Next you'll be telling us the earth is flat!

Cottagepieandpeas · 27/04/2021 20:29

@Holothane

Oh I had this from my ex apparently non of his other partners complained so I had the problem.
Yep I had this. Literally said ‘I’ve never had any complaints before’ Hmm
Bionicname · 27/04/2021 20:31

Why don’t these facts get taught in sex education?

NewYearNewTwatName · 27/04/2021 20:49

I'm in the 20%. orgasm is not a problem, with or without foreplay.

can I ask though, do you sit on top? I find that the quickest and easiest orgasm, as the clitoris gets at lot of stimulation this way.

DaphneDuBois · 27/04/2021 21:02

I nearly faint with clitoral orgasms and they sometimes give me cramps in my hands and feet. A mild vaginal tickle or pleasant sensation or a second of two pulsing is not what I call an orgasm so I’ve never massaged a man’s ego and told them that they’ve given me one that way because they haven’t!

Original poster
samosamo · 27/04/2021 21:05

[quote GrumpyHoonMain]@LakieLady yes - lol that’s what I meant by foreplay. I need a massage and for them not to touch me below the belt at all. It requires me to get into a zone.[/quote]
I'm the same. Thats why it so rarely happens. For me, a vaginal orgasm starts sometimes days before the actual act, a nice word here, a look there, then I'm right in my head. Otherwise it just won't happen....

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread