To be pissed off parents who don't pay child support STILL isn't a priority?

[daretodenim]

My friend just found out her ex is on the other side of the world, living in great town (brilliant weather, loads of things to do, good quality of life) on a salary that in pounds would be six figures (based on his salary history when together and his current job title).

After they divorced, he disappeared saying divorce means he's not a dad any more!

He's never paid child support. Friend has been financially struggling with two kids to support alone.

When I was a child, 40 years ago, my father fucked off abroad and paid some child support, if end when he decided he felt like it. My mother struggled massively.

Why is not ensuring that your children are fed, housed and clothed AT A MINIMUM, not considered child neglect? Never mind the fact that disappearing and ignoring your children is the definition of emotional neglect!

The issue is always about the mothers (or resident parent) struggling, and they do and it's not fair. But from the child's perspective, if the mother (resident parent) decided to behave in the same way as the father, she'd most likely end up prosecuted for neglect.

I know I'm suggesting it's mainly men who do the fucking off and I do recognise that some women do, but in every case bar one that I've come across, it's been the father.

AIBU to think in 40 years (plus) this should have been resolved by now? Why is neglect not neglect if a father does it? Why can resident parents not move abroad with their children because The Hague Convention will see them charged with kidnapping if the non-resident parent goes to the police (I agree with this btw), but a father actively neglecting his children, is free to carry on?

I'm sure someone will say that women are responsible for who they have children with. I'd suggest that a great many women don't have children with men they believe will neglect their children's basic needs.

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Yanbu. It is neglect

It should carry a stigma. Like drunk driving. Deadbeat fathers ( and it nearly always is fathers) should risk prison.

[HeyLala]

Why hasn't anyone created a petition for debate by the government?

I'm sure there would be thousands of women willing to sign.

10,000 required for a govt response.
100,000 for a debate in Parliament

[themalamander]

@HeyLala

Thats been done. It got the signatures. The outcome went something like "We dissolved CSA and created CMS with additional powers and we have no plans to do anything else about it".

The Government do not care. Even the CMS advisors will often say, "we really prefer not to be involved and would encourage you to have a private arrangement". They dont have a mandate to really push things. They have a mandate to tell us silly women to sit down and be quiet.

[HeyLala]

@themalamander

That's disappointing.

I wonder what would happen if we kept on raising the petitions so it becomes a regular event?

Surely someone would have to take notice?

There must be something we can do?

[Dixiechickonhols]

Agree OP it’s neglect and child abandonment. If resident parent left kids without clothes and food or went on holiday leaving kids home alone they’d be charged with a crime and probably feature in daily mail too. I think in America they can remove driving licences and passports.

[dattenboroughiskingoftheworld]

@Willyoujustbequiet

Yanbu. It is neglect

It should carry a stigma. Like drunk driving. Deadbeat fathers ( and it nearly always is fathers) should risk prison.

Totally agree. I called my ex a deadbeat and similar a few times for non payment and other antics. He reported me to the police for hurty feelings 😂

[dattenboroughiskingoftheworld]

[quote HeyLala]@themalamander

That's disappointing.

I wonder what would happen if we kept on raising the petitions so it becomes a regular event?

Surely someone would have to take notice?

There must be something we can do?[/quote]
I'd be behind this 100%.

[Cally23]

Because some men see it as giving the money to you. And they don't like that.

Also often, well in my case, all purchases for children were made by me, so they think...oh they cost only a few pounds a month. Absolutely clueless to the expenses.

I'm sure mine thinks I'm spending it on champagne and scented candles.

[Fiercestcalm]

The whole system is dreadful, I was told CMS wasn’t interested after 8 months of being on income support I applied for and got a post grad qualification and then got a job.... was paying 600 a month nursery ( good nursery though 7-5) . Was told I would have been better off staying on state benefits. Child’s father didn’t pay a penny, they couldn’t have cared less.

Non paid child support should be treated like any other debt and pursued mercilessly even to bankruptcy.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

The state should pay cms and persue it from the non laying parent.

[ladygindiva]

Everything you say is right and I rage about this too.

[ElephantsNest]

YANBU. I am supportive but I don’t know practically what would force change. I believe the US system for once is better. What would a petition need to say to make it impactful? Do we need to push for a change in the law?

[AerisAsh]

I agree that it's disgusting that NRPs do not pay and find ways to avoid it. The CMS have finally decided to do an enforcement after 6 years for my little boys money but it says this on the letter.


"We can’t guarantee that any of these actions will make 'twat' pay what he owes, but please be assured that we will take every appropriate action that we can under child support law to try and collect the money."

Even with enforcement they still say they can't guarantee the money, the whole CMS is not fit for purpose.

Luckily I can provide for my son myself but we planned to have him together so his father should pay towards his upbringing too.

[caringcarer]

It would be better if non resident parent paid child maintenance through income tax system. Then resident parent hot money paid into their account. I know not ideal but it would prevent nrp refusing to hand over money to rp.