To be pissed off parents who don't pay child support STILL isn't a priority?

[daretodenim]

My friend just found out her ex is on the other side of the world, living in great town (brilliant weather, loads of things to do, good quality of life) on a salary that in pounds would be six figures (based on his salary history when together and his current job title).

After they divorced, he disappeared saying divorce means he's not a dad any more!

He's never paid child support. Friend has been financially struggling with two kids to support alone.

When I was a child, 40 years ago, my father fucked off abroad and paid some child support, if end when he decided he felt like it. My mother struggled massively.

Why is not ensuring that your children are fed, housed and clothed AT A MINIMUM, not considered child neglect? Never mind the fact that disappearing and ignoring your children is the definition of emotional neglect!

The issue is always about the mothers (or resident parent) struggling, and they do and it's not fair. But from the child's perspective, if the mother (resident parent) decided to behave in the same way as the father, she'd most likely end up prosecuted for neglect.

I know I'm suggesting it's mainly men who do the fucking off and I do recognise that some women do, but in every case bar one that I've come across, it's been the father.

AIBU to think in 40 years (plus) this should have been resolved by now? Why is neglect not neglect if a father does it? Why can resident parents not move abroad with their children because The Hague Convention will see them charged with kidnapping if the non-resident parent goes to the police (I agree with this btw), but a father actively neglecting his children, is free to carry on?

I'm sure someone will say that women are responsible for who they have children with. I'd suggest that a great many women don't have children with men they believe will neglect their children's basic needs.

[caringcarer]

It would be better if non resident parent paid child maintenance through income tax system. Then resident parent hot money paid into their account. I know not ideal but it would prevent nrp refusing to hand over money to rp.

[AerisAsh]

I agree that it's disgusting that NRPs do not pay and find ways to avoid it. The CMS have finally decided to do an enforcement after 6 years for my little boys money but it says this on the letter.


"We can’t guarantee that any of these actions will make 'twat' pay what he owes, but please be assured that we will take every appropriate action that we can under child support law to try and collect the money."

Even with enforcement they still say they can't guarantee the money, the whole CMS is not fit for purpose.

Luckily I can provide for my son myself but we planned to have him together so his father should pay towards his upbringing too.

[ElephantsNest]

YANBU. I am supportive but I don’t know practically what would force change. I believe the US system for once is better. What would a petition need to say to make it impactful? Do we need to push for a change in the law?

[ladygindiva]

Everything you say is right and I rage about this too.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

The state should pay cms and persue it from the non laying parent.

[Fiercestcalm]

The whole system is dreadful, I was told CMS wasn’t interested after 8 months of being on income support I applied for and got a post grad qualification and then got a job.... was paying 600 a month nursery ( good nursery though 7-5) . Was told I would have been better off staying on state benefits. Child’s father didn’t pay a penny, they couldn’t have cared less.

Non paid child support should be treated like any other debt and pursued mercilessly even to bankruptcy.

[Cally23]

Because some men see it as giving the money to you. And they don't like that.

Also often, well in my case, all purchases for children were made by me, so they think...oh they cost only a few pounds a month. Absolutely clueless to the expenses.

I'm sure mine thinks I'm spending it on champagne and scented candles.

[dattenboroughiskingoftheworld]

[quote HeyLala]@themalamander

That's disappointing.

I wonder what would happen if we kept on raising the petitions so it becomes a regular event?

Surely someone would have to take notice?

There must be something we can do?[/quote]
I'd be behind this 100%.

[dattenboroughiskingoftheworld]

@Willyoujustbequiet

Yanbu. It is neglect

It should carry a stigma. Like drunk driving. Deadbeat fathers ( and it nearly always is fathers) should risk prison.

Totally agree. I called my ex a deadbeat and similar a few times for non payment and other antics. He reported me to the police for hurty feelings 😂

[Dixiechickonhols]

Agree OP it’s neglect and child abandonment. If resident parent left kids without clothes and food or went on holiday leaving kids home alone they’d be charged with a crime and probably feature in daily mail too. I think in America they can remove driving licences and passports.

[HeyLala]

@themalamander

That's disappointing.

I wonder what would happen if we kept on raising the petitions so it becomes a regular event?

Surely someone would have to take notice?

There must be something we can do?

[themalamander]

@HeyLala

Thats been done. It got the signatures. The outcome went something like "We dissolved CSA and created CMS with additional powers and we have no plans to do anything else about it".

The Government do not care. Even the CMS advisors will often say, "we really prefer not to be involved and would encourage you to have a private arrangement". They dont have a mandate to really push things. They have a mandate to tell us silly women to sit down and be quiet.

[HeyLala]

Why hasn't anyone created a petition for debate by the government?

I'm sure there would be thousands of women willing to sign.

10,000 required for a govt response.
100,000 for a debate in Parliament

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Yanbu. It is neglect

It should carry a stigma. Like drunk driving. Deadbeat fathers ( and it nearly always is fathers) should risk prison.

[Mojoj]

YANBU. Men who shirk on child support are the lowest of the low. And yes, it's a national disgrace that this has not been addressed. Maybe because it's still mainly men in charge....

[Glitterandglow]

YANBU!! I am in the same situation as your friend and my ex is in a non REMO country and with a non UK company so CMS can do absolutely nothing! They are useless anyway.
I’m absolutely fuming that these men get away with it!! I’m struggling as are many other parents and they just bloody well get away with neglecting their children!! I’m so angry I have nothing much more to say apart from HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS?!

[PlanDeRaccordement]

the mother (resident parent) decided to behave in the same way as the father, she'd most likely end up prosecuted for neglect.

Not sure about this. It is more likely the resident parent would simply call social services and have them come and take the children to put in the foster system. Or just leave them at a park or hospital and walk away. Very few parents are prosecuted for child abandonment.

Neglect isn’t abandoning your children. It’s keeping them but in horrible conditions, not feeding or cleaning them, locking them up in closets and basements.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Actually, a non-resident mother could just go abroad if they wanted to and also not pay child support.

But anyway, the reason why these divorcees go abroad is because U.K. courts have no power to force them to pay child support. It’s international law. That’s the reason why.

Many people also do this to avoid paying their student loan as well. Many retire outside the UK to avoid paying inheritance tax.
And other things I just can’t think of right now.....

[themalamander]

@Pandoraslastchance

I'm actually putting together a FOI request asking how many paying parents are in arrears, how many have been reported as just not paying and then asking how many times each of their individual powers have been used (so how many driving licenses revoked, how many prison sentences, how many credit reports made, deductions of earnings orders, forced hours sales or charges made against future house sales etc).

I'm just struggling with the wording, and whether to ask for the information from a 5 year period or a 1 year period.

I'm not even sure if they'd provide the information, as I think they can maybe say no if it woood require too much admin work. I'm not sure.

It's for a blog post/twitter but I'm working on it! We cant really do much without having the information in black and white infront of us.

[Pandoraslastchance]

[quote themalamander]@Pandoraslastchance

Read above. CMS can have your driving license revoked and add your debt to credit reports. They just dont do it and the government wont bring in any new measures to ensure these paths are followed every time people dont pay.

There is no appetite in government to sort this out or ensure these powers are being used, and CMS doesnt get enough funding to do it all.[/quote]
Ooops that will teach me to skim read.

It's disgusting that they have all these powers yet children are being left cold and hungry. What can be done to get cms functioning, short of a miracle?


I was raised by a single parent who never saw a bloody penny from my feckless father. He buggered off and started another family. If I'm correct he has 7 or 8 children at least and probably doesn't pay for any of them.

[DeltaFlyer]

My nrp upped and left one day, never paid a penny toward mine and siblings upkeep,, was (and still is) on benefits but has money spare to smoke/drink, gamble and has 2 -3 holidays a year.
Never contested the custody arrangements, rarely showed up for visitation. Would sell our things if we did make contact, take our pocket money, stole from our bank accounts. Wouldnt even pay toward school trips so we never went.
So i would fully support something to force parents to pay for their kids. Not sure about taking away driving privileges as might need a car for work though but it definitely should be recognised as a proper debt and not an optional payment as some nrps think.

[themalamander]

@Pandoraslastchance

Read above. CMS can have your driving license revoked and add your debt to credit reports. They just dont do it and the government wont bring in any new measures to ensure these paths are followed every time people dont pay.

There is no appetite in government to sort this out or ensure these powers are being used, and CMS doesnt get enough funding to do it all.

[Bibidy]

@Theunamedcat

The reason child maintenance is so toothless is because nrp killed themselves in a few high profile cases there was a huge outcry and nothing has been enforced since

I think that also in order to enforce the claim no matter what, a figure would need to be put on what it 'costs' to raise a child each month. As long as it's based on the NRP's income, if the NRP isn't earning there is nothing to claim.

If they changed it to a set amount per child, no matter the circumstances, that would then mean that the argument was there for higher earners not to pay as much as the figure is likely to be far less than the % of their income they pay currently.

Either way some people will lose out.

[themalamander]

@dattenboroughiskingoftheworld

The child maintenance service has the power to contact credit reference agencies and have the non payment of child maintenance added as a debt to the person's credit file. They have the power; they dont use.

All the things being suggested on this thread... they already have the power to do those things. The issue is that they dont use them and the government are quite happy with that.

When they created the child maintenance service and granted these powers and passed the legislation allowing those powers to be used, they were just doing it for a show. Now they can wash their hands of it and ignore the women complaining, despite the fact that these powers are not actually used. Because patriarchy.

[Pandoraslastchance]

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

I think it ought to be tied to driving licenses & employment... You need a certificate to say all your child maintenance has been paid promptly and fully.

I would not want to employ someone who was very neglectful of their children

Completely agree!!!


It should also appear on your credit rating.