A sexist remark or am I overreacting?

[temporarychangedusername]

I was attending a couple of days ago quite a specialised course (STEM area) and a topic of the importance of communication came up. It is indeed an area where many people lack "softer" skills - i.e. they can do the technical bits, but can't then explain the significance of results to a non-specialist.

The lecturer said "I always say to my students - you need to be able to explain it in such simple terms so that your mum could understand".
It rubbed me the wrong way a little bit. Why not "that your dad could understand"? The audience (as much as I could tell from the online meeting) was indeed young (early 20s) and overwhelmingly male, but there were a few of old hags (and mums) like myself attending as well, and a couple of younger women too.
I am not the one to be mortally offended by any slip of the tongue, but would I be unreasonable to ping a private message to the lecturer to suggest that may be there could be a better analogy he could use next time? Or would it be totally OTT?

I'd see it as you doing him a favour. Not as complaining.

Personally, I'd have been more interested and focused on the contents and aims of the course than get my arse out coz he mentioned my mother.

@Trixie78

I'd email his supervisor and let them feel with it tbh. Someone who would make that remark will just ignore you and you don't want it to affect your grades. Ask for anonymity, they can easily check the truth of your claims without giving your name.

I am not planning to raise a grievance or complain officially. It is probably hard to believe but I think it genuinely could be helpful. All of us have our blind spots when it comes to other people's sensitivities, I certainly do.

A better analogy is "so that a CEO can understand". It's usually CEO's that need convincing, not mums!

@BlackberrySky this, ^ suggest this to him

It's not OTT, it's feedback that is genuinely an opportunity for him to improve.

I used to teach IT and I'd always say, "Think of someone you know who struggles with technology. Could they understand it?"

It is sexist.
He could have said, "you need to be able to explain it in such simple terms so that a non-pracitioner/anyone would understand"

In the whole scheme of things its a small thing, but many flakes of snow make an avalanche, so I wouldn't let it go either.

@Pyewackect

Personally, I'd have been more interested and focused on the contents and aims of the course than get my arse out coz he mentioned my mother.

I didn't ignore the actual course content. It probably was also a very random realisation that I am old enough to be a "mother" in that hypothetical situation.

Of course its bloody sexist. How old was this man OP? 92?
Around my age, late 30s - early 40s.

On second thoughts, maybe he should say “You need to be able to explain it in the same simple terms that your mum would use to explain something to you” - there: fixed it
This is actually a very good analogy. Thank you!

@Alsohuman

You can get offended about more than one thing at a time in life you know! :) It's not an Either/Or situation

You can respond constructively to multiple injustices, large and small and piddle away a proportion of you life on MN too! (Up to a point).

@4PawsGood

Oh I don’t hear is as becoming a mum makes you switch your brain off, just they are less likely to be up to date.

And women are less good at this sort of thing, because they haven’t been encouraged to be interested etc etc. I think it’s a reasonable point.

Stereotyping or grouping all mums and women together isn't helpful.

[quote 99victoria]@Alsohuman

You can get offended about more than one thing at a time in life you know! :) It's not an Either/Or situation[/quote]
I prioritise my offence taking. This kind of thing is so far down the list it doesn’t even register.

You could send an email saying you found the lecture useful etc and say you would like to challenge his use of mum's as an example of people who are less likely to understand?

Agree with the CEO comment and I'd probably have gone up to him in a break and said "you're a bit behind the times with the ageism & sexism there. Anyway better to say 'explain it so a CEO understands' would get more of a laugh"

Yes, it’s sexist and yes, there are loads of better examples he could have used. And yes, it does show an unconscious stereotypical view of women. However, do I think this means that he should be written off as “a dick” because he said the wrong thing? No.

All he needed to say was “non-technical person”. I use the same language to describe my job to my mum, my grandma, my husband and my dad because none of them have technical experience of this area. My husband works in a very similar field to his mum and so they can do technical, far more technical than I can follow because I’m in a completely different sector.

I think the idea of explaining it to the CEO is a good one because that will also encourage people to be concise in their explanation whilst focusing on the benefits of the activity.

@Alsohuman

But then I'm a 60 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I don't give a toss if people think I'm over-reacting

I'm a 67 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I shrug it off and get offended about stuff that really matters like pay equality still being an aspiration and Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe being handed another year’s sentence on a trumped up charge.

Presumably there's not really a lot OP can do about those things right now (I may be wrong OP in which case I apologise), but OP can send a quick email and challenge the lecturer's bias.

@Alsohuman

But then I'm a 60 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I don't give a toss if people think I'm over-reacting

I'm a 67 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I shrug it off and get offended about stuff that really matters like pay equality still being an aspiration and Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe being handed another year’s sentence on a trumped up charge.

Why do you care about pay equality when there’s children starving to death?

Kids think their parents are stupid. Most have mums, many wont be seeing their dads much. Yes, he sho9uld have said, "mum, dad, step mum, step dad, legal guardian, foster parent or other relevant adult' but it's a bit long winded

@Random789

I don't think it would be OTT to let the person know you found the remark inappropriate. Especially given that the lecturer claims to be 'always' saying it.

I quite agree.

I agree, OP. Most people would have used 'laymen's terms' or 'the average person'.

I mean, it's not rampant chauvinism but it is everyday sexism.

@Cam2020

I agree, OP. Most people would have used 'laymen's terms' or 'the average person'.

I mean, it's not rampant chauvinism but it is everyday sexism.

Well, exactly. I'd be quite surprised if anyone within a formal employment capacity used the phrase "so that your mum could understand". Its used in such a derogatory way too.

I'd make all sorts of assumptions about the person who said it, none of them good, and I always tend to do something about casual sexism because it tends to haunt me if I don't. Whereas if I simply point it out, I feel that having done something, I can move on.

Interestingly I've found a number of men in their sixties onwards who are unfamiliar with common IT if they've been in management. Largely because they had secretaries to use electronic typewriters, then computers and learn how to bully printers .... and are somewhat limited using all the phone applications. My mum managed magnificently (she would have been 96 this year). My DH doesn't.

Definitely tell this chap that "how you'd explain to friends in the pub" is the way to go.

Oh, and tell him acronyms and slang are not the way to explain to the public.