A sexist remark or am I overreacting?

[temporarychangedusername]

I was attending a couple of days ago quite a specialised course (STEM area) and a topic of the importance of communication came up. It is indeed an area where many people lack "softer" skills - i.e. they can do the technical bits, but can't then explain the significance of results to a non-specialist.

The lecturer said "I always say to my students - you need to be able to explain it in such simple terms so that your mum could understand".
It rubbed me the wrong way a little bit. Why not "that your dad could understand"? The audience (as much as I could tell from the online meeting) was indeed young (early 20s) and overwhelmingly male, but there were a few of old hags (and mums) like myself attending as well, and a couple of younger women too.
I am not the one to be mortally offended by any slip of the tongue, but would I be unreasonable to ping a private message to the lecturer to suggest that may be there could be a better analogy he could use next time? Or would it be totally OTT?

Sorry, FPGA engineers.

@4PawsGood

Oh I don’t hear is as becoming a mum makes you switch your brain off, just they are less likely to be up to date.

And women are less good at this sort of thing, because they haven’t been encouraged to be interested etc etc. I think it’s a reasonable point.

Without knowing exactly what the subject is I'd agree with this, is it genuinely something that the majority of older women would have experience with? If not then isn't it a valid way to illustrate the point? If it's something where knowledge would be determined purely by age then Mum or Dad might be more appropriate but it wouldn't bother me too much.

I would ask him to explain what he meant by that.

Classic everyday sexism.

I would email, briefly, calmly and factually and suggest he uses a non-sexist, non-ageist example instead.

For most students, 'so you can explain it to your friends in the pub' works well. But for the students you describe, whose friends might be more like-minded than those of the average student, that might not work. (Lack of access to pubs aside).

Never underestimate the value of your life experience and the power it gives you to shine a light on the lazy, thoughtless, insider-speak (and thought) of this and any other specialist clique.

I agree, it’s sexist and I’d be offended too. It’s also ageist, assuming that women above a certain age are incapable of understanding technology. (Completely wrong, too.)

*for a comment about communication it was very vague. I'd mention that.

Classic everyday sexism.

I would email, briefly, calmly and factually and suggest he uses a non-sexist, non-ageist example instead.

This. Because minor as each individual thing is, it all adds up, and there are plenty of women working STEM fields who are also mothers who might understand whatever it is very well.

“You need to be able to explain it in such simple terms that even the least technically-minded person can understand it” is all he needed to say.
I agree OP, I also work in a technical environment. It’s funny how if anyone doesn’t understand a technical detail, the rest of the team send them to me (the only Mum in the team) because they know I will be able to explain it to them in an understandable and non- judgemental manner!
On second thoughts, maybe he should say “You need to be able to explain it in the same simple terms that your mum would use to explain something to you” - there: fixed it😁

And they probably do think of me as a humourless feminist, but as I know that at least some of them now think, "what's Emma going to say about this?" and have changed what they say as a result, I reckon persistence in pointing these things out does count.

There was a thread on MN the other day about funny things posters mothers do with regard to technology. Loads of supposedly funny anecdotes about older people not handling technology. Horribly ageist.

Yup everyday sexism and ageism. My mother is far more STEM savvy than I am. Definitely pull him up on it, as he announced he says it to everyone. His mother may be simple, but not everyone's is.

@EBearhug

Classic everyday sexism.

I would email, briefly, calmly and factually and suggest he uses a non-sexist, non-ageist example instead.

This. Because minor as each individual thing is, it all adds up, and there are plenty of women working STEM fields who are also mothers who might understand whatever it is very well.

Overreaction, everybody knew what was meant. If you look for offence you will find it in everything.

I still don’t know why you didn’t challenge at the time.... the whole room would have taken it on board too. There are ways of doing it with humour without making someone look like a dick.

This is the casual everyday sexism we should be up in arms about because it’s insidious.

Whenever someone makes a casual sexist remark, I casually call them on it. And then I’m promptly abused for doing so.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4223475-To-ban-my-parents-from-using-mobile-phones

Yes, I did report it. MN is such an ageist place

I mean he's talking about the importance of communication. Knowing your audience is the first priority in any communication.

He might know who the majority of his usual audience is but failing to spot that he was addressing some 'mum age' women was pretty dumb.

And... reinforcing his usual / majority audience's prejudices about technically incompetent older women runs counter to his aim of improving his students' communication skills. The first thing they need to do in any communicative interaction is find out by observing, asking and listening, what the existing level of knowledge of their interlocuter is.

Otherwise he's just training them to mansplain.

I would have called him out on it at the time.

But then I'm a 60 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I don't give a toss if people think I'm over-reacting :)

Sexist and ageist - he is a dick - let him know or he will go on offending people until he is in his grave.

he is a dick

How hypocritical of the people calling him a dick because they think his language was poor..

Honestly I wouldn't have given it a second thought and it's unlikely he meant to offend anyone. I would hate to be a teacher/lecturer today, they can't say anything without offending atleast one person.

Do it! It’s just good constructive feedback on the course, surely?

I must admit, I wouldn't find that particularly sexist....more ageist, tbh. I often struggle with tech, because when I was at school IT wasn't on the curriculum, and my husband would be the same. Perhaps 'your parents' would be a better term!

Without knowing exactly what the subject is I'd agree with this, is it genuinely something that the majority of older women would have experience with?
It is a quite niche area, but not something that has been completely shut off specifically to women, no. "Data science" would be the closest modern buzzword equivalent, in old money it is "applied statistics".

Not over-reacting at all. Classic everyday sexism and I'd definitely email.

But then I'm a 60 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I don't give a toss if people think I'm over-reacting

I'm a 67 year old woman and I've had a lifetime of this sort of crap so I shrug it off and get offended about stuff that really matters like pay equality still being an aspiration and Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe being handed another year’s sentence on a trumped up charge.

@Divebar2021

I still don’t know why you didn’t challenge at the time.... the whole room would have taken it on board too. There are ways of doing it with humour without making someone look like a dick.

It was one of those lectures where you are muted until the very end of Q&A - not a very interactive one. And even if it wasn't, I am really shy anyway.