AIBU to expect my DH to cut back on games nights to help out more while I study?

[cedartree2]

I was a SAHM for eight years whilst my DH has worked to support us. (I did work to support him early on in our marriage, and I already owned our first house when we got together, so I feel I have contributed financially in the past).

Now that the children are both at school I have returned to full-time study to start a new career. Now that I am busy with classes and assignments, it is harder to keep up with housework and helping the kids with homework etc. I usually spend 8 hours a day looking after the kids, taking them to and from school and doing housework.

Recently I've had to spend entire weekends studying, leaving my DH to do everything else. He has become resentful about having to do more. Meanwhile, he has gotten into Dungeons and Dragons and has been spending more and more time attending games nights and sometimes running games days himself. Recently it's been at least two nights a week as well as a regular monthly games day that he runs and spends hours preparing for. Last night he stayed out until 1:30am and was tired all day today and seemed resentful that he was having to look after the kids and run some errands while I finished an assignment.

I feel he is going to need to cut back on the games nights/days to have more time and energy to do other things rather than being resentful that I'm studying and not always available like I used to be.

Am I being unreasonable?

This thread is in rather stark contrast to the multiple "working from home threads during Covid restrictions" threads where the majority of the posters seem to be able to manage school runs, supervising their children at home after school, doing the odd bit of housework (e.g. putting on a wash, hanging it out) and still manage to fulfill all the requirements of their full time day job.

This thread is in rather stark contrast to the multiple "working from home threads during Covid restrictions"

How? The majority of posters in this thread are also saying it's doable to study, look after the house, and take care of school-aged children without both adults having to sacrifice all their evenings and weekends.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

This thread is in rather stark contrast to the multiple "working from home threads during Covid restrictions"

How? The majority of posters in this thread are also saying it's doable to study, look after the house, and take care of school-aged children without both adults having to sacrifice all their evenings and weekends.

True - I was referring to the posters who think that OP has nowhere near enough time to study during the day because housework/miscellaneous tasks take up so much time. But it's definitely a difference in mindset - if you think you can fit it all in, then you probably will. If you get bogged down in how much there is, you probably won't.

I suppose the difference between work from home during lockdown and studying whilst the children are at school is huge. People working from home with the children at home were juggling their job and having to facilitate their children's education, and otherwise keep the children occupied.

user is right about mindset.
I know if I've got a morning to myself when DC are at grandparents I can easily spend an hour 'cleaning the kitchen', but in reality i maybe check my phone, load the dishwasher, decide it's time for a cup of coffee in peace, coffee is had at a leisurely pace, I go back in the kitchen, spend 5 minutes deciding which podcast or audio book to put on whilst I clean the sides and the cupboards etc. It's really easy to fritter time away if you're not disciplined with it.
I find the same with my marking. I get more marking done in 1 hour PPA than I do after school because 1 hour PPA is a finite amount of time, but after school is quite open ended.

Hi OP, I've found this thread really interesting as I'm in a similar position to you. Studying post grad course where previously was a SAHM. DH is in FT work. I study between 9.30-2.30 while kids are at school. I am really focussed during that time and find that studying any more hours per day would become unproductive. I normally get 20 hours in per week, but much less in school holidays which is stressful. I get up at 7am, in bed by 11pm. TOMM cleaning routine is great, so I try to squeeze the 30min cleaning into gaps here and there (e.g. while kettle boiling or kids playing after school). I don't work in the evenings generally, maybe a few emails from 6-7pm while DH plays with kids downstairs. I do a few hours on a Saturday if DH takes the kids out, but not every weekend. Sundays are a no-study day.

The main thing that strikes me from your post is - when do you and DH chill out/have free time together? I think that can be an investment in yourselves even if you are stressed about hitting your deadlines. Good luck with it all