Wedding advice needed...

[BurningRed]

I’m aware this is a first world problem..

Getting married in 6 months. My family is being awkward and not helpful so I’ve just left them to it and focused on my future DH’s family who have been wonderful.

Here is my problem. Both of my brothers are refusing to wear their wedding suit on the day. My future DH’s male side of the family plus his best man and my father are but they are refusing. Basically they don’t want to be dictated to/want an excuse to be awkward. It’s black tie so it’s going to look (in my head anyway) strange if they don’t wear black tie too as part of the immediate family. I’d be paying to and I’ve made that clear to them so no expense.

What do I do?

YABU - leave them to it, this is ridiculous to be concerned about
YANBU - your wedding, your rules. Tell them what for.

Thanks everyone!

Are the ushers OP? As in, members of the ACTUAL bridal party?

If not...then how is it relevant whether they are 'male relatives' or not??? If you haven't assigned them a specific 'bridal party role' then it makes absolutely no difference whatsoever what they wear really does it? They are guests 🤷‍♀️ It's really that simple...it doesn't matter whether they are 'male relatives' or the guy from work who fixes the photocopier. They have NO role that day other than to turn up and support you AS A GUEST!

You have not asked FEMALE relatives to wear anything specific that you are paying for I take it? I suspect that your brothers feel that you are being a bit discriminatory here, and kicking back...I know I would! Just chill 🤣 It's not like they'll stand out...other men there will also be without black tie. It's a wedding, not a ball! I like a black tie event myself, but I have to say, I wouldn't want it for a wedding to be fair. Bit OTT for guests to have to dress up in black tie/evening dresses for a wedding 😖

Bit OTT for guests to have to dress up in black tie/evening dresses for a wedding

Yep. Especially in matchy-matchy hired suits.

Tbh the conversation could and should have ended with
"I'm ordering suits, would you like one?
"No thank you"

Bit OTT for guests to have to dress up in black tie/evening dresses for a wedding ??? It's been fairly common in cold weather weddings for donkey's years. I'mm 55, got married mid 80s and the weddings before and after mine in the church were both black tie - in July!

I think you are getting a hard time OP. A black tie dress code is perfectly acceptable and it would be nice if your brothers could support your decision for the type of wedding you want. However, if they won't for whatever reason just shut it down and don't stress about it.

If I was a guest at your wedding I would raise an eyebrow at them for their choice to stand out at your wedding because that is what they are doing. Perhaps have a word with your photographer and have everyone in your immediate family in formal dress in a photo and then another one including your brothers. Other than that don't stress about it and enjoy your day.

Other people say people can wear what they want but weddings do generally have some sort of a dress code so black tie or traditionally smart wedding outfit. Years ago a poor colleague had a relative turn up in flip flops and short flimsy beach dress, apparently she had form for being awkward!

@baldafrique, we laugh like drains when we look at the photos, they also had those wrap around mirrored shades on, both have shaved heads, ones a burly copper, the other a very tattoed biker, they never ever ever wear black tie, although the plod does wear dress uniform on occasion. Mainly to make my mum cry

Be grateful if they don't bring an uninvited dc in a fuchsia pink dress who's like Where's Wally in your photos..

@Aprilshowersandhail I’m sorry but I laughed at that so hard.

You poor thing.

Thanks to everyone votes and comments. I’ll take them all on board. I think I’m just going to leave it now and let them turn up in whatever!

My cousin has additional needs he dyed his hair blue with food colouring the morning of my dads wedding it looked like someone had sacrificed a smurf on his head fortunately my family is used to it all and my dad told him he looked very nice and bright but complete strangers walking past looking at the wedding party were very

[quote BurningRed]@MrsSprogett guests. This was my thinking too. Limited photographs of them if they don’t play ball?[/quote]
You cannot tell guests at your wedding what to wear!! Either you want them there or you don't and if you don't, then you shouldn't have invited them. Stop looking for an excuse now. People really need to grow up over weddings.

Save yourself the hassle. They're not going to play ball so don't enter into a power tussle that you ultimately can't win.

What you can do is say that only those in dress code will be in formal photos (if having them.) And you can remind them that you're happy to pay but need to know by x date, no later.

And then just let them get on with it. Minimise their roles in the wedding for your sake and let them feel idiots for being the only ones NOT following your dress code.

@BurningRed

So ... just to make it clear.

Black tie optional for guests. Male and female.

But for immediate male family members and best men, we’ve said black tie and we will pay.

Hope this helps, sorry if I wasn’t clear.

You talk about them wanting to get one up etc. Is this not what you're doing? Dress code only for immediate male relatives. No one else? Knowing full well they wouldn't be happy? Knowing full well they didn't for their own wedding? We didn't tell anyone what to wear. Everyone looked lovely.