To shamelessly ask if you were a Care Experienced Leaver

[WhoDa]

and moved placements a teenager, what would have made things easier for you? NC for this but naice ham, Sistene screamer etc. Have what could be a LT placement starting tomorrow and shamelessly posting for traffic from those wit-lived experience.

LAC?
LT?

I'm assuming looked after child and long term

Looked after child?
Long term?

The post isn't very clear OP.

Maybe post in the adoptions section, op?

Yes, abbreviated so those for whom it has resonance will pick it up and others won't need to in theory

@GreyhoundG1rl

Maybe post in the adoptions section, op?

Fostering

OP there is a fostering board. There are some very experienced foster carers though who may be able to advise you and you may be best asking there.

Good luck.

Have you done this before?

I don't have my own 'lived experience', but when we adopted my then 8yo (yes I know quite a bit younger) we were told she wanted to know stuff like where she should put dirty clothes.
So I would go with

• knowing all the practicalities
• knowing the 'house rules' (and that they can be discussed if an issue)
• allowance
• freedom
• contact with birth family / old friends

Posting for traffic from people's childhood experience so a wider net here, adoption board is more from the adult perspective.

Looked after child, long term placement.
No idea, but I think some say over their room decoration?

Care experienced young person is the preferred term now - as lots of care leavers don't feel they where looked after!

From my experience with teenagers in care I think rules and boundaries are very important - it'll be cause for a few tussles but it makes kids feel safer.

a nice room and the chance to design/decorate it

listening to their day and having their backs - not giving up too easily - teenagers are hard work!

First time hence looking for perspective input @teenMinusTests

@ghostyslovesheets that makes horrific sense,thank you. I'm trying to avoid them feeling like that.

PS Maybe try to find out from social worker what their favourite meal is and cook it for themon their first night.

PPS Make up their bed - An adult I know who went through the fostering system and moved often told me a heart breaking thing that in almost every new placement he went to he had to put make his bed from scratch - sheets, pillow cases etc. He always found it very hurtful that no one seemed to care about him enough to bother with that little thing.

I taught a few fc and went to lac reviews, I remember one saying she was very happy to be told she had a budget (age 13) to get clothes/ make her room her own. She said people often have it already and it’s less like yours. It stuck with me as I remember (lovely!) people often put so much effort into ready made nice rooms. She’d liked the bare space. It was very lt

@listsandbudgets bedroom is made up now ready with towels, toiletries etc. The SW has not much help (they eat anything, don't have hobbies) but SW in the area has a failed inspection so not expecting much perhaps unsurprising.

@Oilpyi that's useful to know as changes can easily be made for personalisation.

I don’t have lived experience myself but something lots of people have said to me is that having to always move in bin bags is horrible.
If there is any way to get some suitcases across to them before they move I think that would make a really good first impression that you care.

maybe also a welcome letter - just giving a brief guide to you and your family - names, what you like to be called, where things are, etc

@blackhorses

I don’t have lived experience myself but something lots of people have said to me is that having to always move in bin bags is horrible. If there is any way to get some suitcases across to them before they move I think that would make a really good first impression that you care.

and yes - the black bin bag thing is really crap - our LA has clear plastic boxes it uses but inevitably there are the odd black bag - a nice suitcase would be a kind touch

maybe their own little set of toiletries as well - don't assume they come with much

Yes @blackhorses Madlug have sent some to them (free for FCs)
@ghostyslovesheets lots of images in my mind with your username great idea

I havent lived this in anyway but a friend who has had told me the worst thing about going to a new home was feeling treated like a novelty, having dinners where various family members were invited over to gawp at them. I'm sure people were just happy to see them etc but she felt like she was on show.

@hellocatshome that's useful to know.

Get in touch with the Virtual School your young person is over seen by to see what support they can offer. It is usually your local LA if the young person hasn't been placed out of borough, chances are they will know them relatively well. NAVSH is a good source of information.

Get clued up on attachment and trauma theory (Rees Centre is a good starting point).

Try your best to avoid booking medical/dentist/reviews during the school day. Being taken out of class was often mentioned as a key factor in making them feel different and outing their 'status'.

I facilitate a Children in Care Council, where our young people answer questions like this.
The best thing I could suggest is to ask your CiCC.(every local authority has to set up one)

Our CiCC also interviews prospective foster carers and their views are added to the adult panel’s views.
And they are also involved in the Home Assessments and the foster carer training.

They have also put together a guide for foster carers. Here are some excerpts:

A good foster carer should:

Give me my own bedroom or somewhere I can keep my stuff safe & private
Know that looking after a child or young person who has had a difficult time is very different to looking after your own children
Understand that it might take me some time to settle and accept them as carers
Make sure my Christmas and birthday presents are as good as the other children in the home
Encourage me to try out new things - and accept that I won't always want to carry on doing the same things
Make sure I can see my family and friends
Know that I might test them out a bit (or sometimes a lot) to see if they're going to give up on me
Be interested in what I think
Go on training to learn new things about how to deal with all the bits of foster caring
Always be truthful, we can usually handle it.
Always look behind our behaviour for the reasons
Remember it's normal for young people to try things out and make mistakes. They should help us pick up the pieces without being angry or disappointed (disappointed is worse)
Make sure that as I grow up, I learn how to look after myself. but don't just overload me with jobs. I need to learn about relationships, money, sex, contraception, drugs, alcohol, life...

Hope this is useful. This is the best bit of my job. 🙂