To find over parenting and shrill children annoying?

[hoorayforhamsters]

I do accept I have to suck it up and get on with it, but does anyone else find parents being cloyingly attentive and over effusive annoying? I have three sides of our garden occupied with just such parenting. Every breath seems to be the most amazing thing ever done by a child ever. And they are soooooo shrill!

This thread 🤢

Yes yes! Children should be seen and not heard! Why not jst put them out to work, while you are at it?! Aren’t there any chimneys to be swept anymore?!

And yes OP! Children being ‘shrill’ 🤢🤢🤢 is definitely analogous to you listening to loud inappropriate music.

The mind boggles.

@Northernsoullover

I'll never forget at soft play a father shouting enthusiastically at his daughter on the trampoline 'wow Willow what wonderful bouncing' . Now while I'm sure I'm unreasonable I just couldn't help but think. The kid is just bouncing up and down no acrobatics and, stop being such a sap and enjoy a coffee and the daily mirror or whatever shite paper on offer like the rest of us.

I will say I said “yay! Good bouncing ds” once really enthusiastically as he spent years being terrified of bouncy castles and I couldn’t get him on one

Then one day he decided he liked them and went on, so I gave him lots of praise

But usually preformance parents are a bit twatty. You can tell they look for attention because they explain everything loudly with ! And then look around to see who noticed

I really wish I could find the thread from a couple (or possibly more) years back about the performance dad in the swimming pool. It was hilarious.

Come to think of it, performance swimming is nearly as much a thing as performance parenting. It always, always involves blokes: the most competent female swimmers at my pool just don't do it. Like the one yesterday who leapt off the steps in a canonball dive just as I was approaching them at the end of a length, then drew himself up to his full height and shook himself like a dog.

These are always the ones who seem to displace half a tonne of water as they swim and make great massive splashy movements guaranteed to hit your face the moment you lift it up to breathe.

Patriarchy chicken in the pool is quite a fun game as they all seem to think women will instantly get out of their way. I've actually had one swim right into me.

The 'twee voice' PP'ing is fortunately one I don't come across often.

@Pennethorne

I do hate performance parenting. And even if they're not deliberately performing - you don't have to TALK SO MUCH.

"Oh look Daisy has picked up a stone, Daisy, it's a stone, stones are grey Daisy, Daisy if I say your name enough will you realise I'm talking to you, tell me about the stone Daisy, use 'stone' in a sentence Daisy..."

Take a breath, ffs. And they do seem to use their child's name a lot.

God forbid they just talk to their child like they're another normal human, although you never know, they probably go to work and do the same thing. "I've done that report Denise, what did you think Denise, Denise can I tell you three things about my report, let's sit down and do Circle Time Denise..."

The dad of the child next door is like this. They're in a flat and don't have a garden, so they sit at the front of the property almost all day when it's sunny. I work at the front of the house, so it's all I hear for hours on end.

He also does the same when she's in the bath. The bathroom window is opposite our kitchen window, just on the first floor. The baths also go on for a loooooong time. Wearing!

“Look Tarquin! What is that? Is that a cow? What colour is the cow? What noise does a cow make? What is a baby cow called? Is it called a calf! Yes it is isn’t it Tarquin! Clever boy!”

All the time Tarquin couldn’t give two shits and is more interested in the beetle running around near his foot.

Do you live next door to my BIL. He has the most horrendous sing-song "parenting voice" that he puts on when talking to my nephew that makes me want to claw my own ears off. Last time they visited DH spent most of the day tidying out the garage and doing other non-essential tasks to get out of the house and out of earshot.

@hoorayforhamsters

I like small children, I genuinely do. I had three of them! I just can't bear the over attentive, use a different twee voice style of parenting!!

Cheer up - could be worse.

They could be using a twee sing-song voice to give the neighbourhood a running commentary about their dogs' toileting habits. We have to put up with:

"Come on then little

Our neighbours have special behaviour for when they have visitors. Nice as pie and hang on their kids every word and deed. When the visitors go it is back to their normal yelling and fobbing off.

It's the twee voice that's annoying. I have a friend who does it all the time with her small child, and it really grates on me.
I love kids generally (like them better than adults usually) and I definitely let mine play footy in the street etc, and praise stuff, but I don't use "the voice". I do over parent the cat though, and if I am in the garden with him you would hear me going "oooh, yes, you are a very fierce tiger! Are you hunting? Are you! Clever boy!! " in the daftest voice ever. Ironically he is a rubbish hunter, so I only do it to make him feel good.

The irony of post this on a site called Mumsnet

Children deserve praise- it's good for their development. And parents are entitled to raise their children in theory gardens without your sneering at them

@Northernsoullover

I'll never forget at soft play a father shouting enthusiastically at his daughter on the trampoline 'wow Willow what wonderful bouncing' . Now while I'm sure I'm unreasonable I just couldn't help but think. The kid is just bouncing up and down no acrobatics and, stop being such a sap and enjoy a coffee and the daily mirror or whatever shite paper on offer like the rest of us.

If I was calling that sort of thing out it translated as "I'm not really paying attention, but I want my dc to think I am so they continue doing it as long as possible and not disturb me."

What @BeardyButton said. Children do have a right to exist and honestly, you've either all forgotten what it's like to have small children, or have never had them. If engaging a child in the world around them by saying what we see or describing that they're doing is performance parenting, then so be it. Better that than neglecting them or worse, shouting and swearing at them.

Voices of performance parents get my goat no matter where they are.
Supermarkets are the worst.
A parent of a single ( I am guessing first) child speaking in raised tones "Shall we look for the broccolli Lydia/James? You love broccoli don't you sweetheart" making sure it is loud enough for 20 people in the vicinity to hear.

I'd take what you describe over a tantrumming/disruptive child while the parent looks on adoringly or better still, ignores them completely because they're too busy chatting

Absolutely agree with this

The best performance parenting I saw was on a kids ward as trainee nurse 19 years ago. I was giving out the lunches and we asked every child what they wanted for lunch. Mum answered for one child and said basically just veg and basic chicken as they didn't eat junk food. Kid pipes up with 'I only eat chicken nuggets mummy'

I like children and enjoy hearing parents interacting with them .However I take your point that on all 3 sides of your garden must be annoying!

I agree with you OP. No much wonder so many people are so loud...so many parents I hear speak so over-the-top-loud to their children. Shut up...we don't want to listen.

Most of the stuff being complained about on this thread is normal encouragement given to small children so they interact with the world/try new things/practice skills. If you think everyone who does this is performing then you’re paranoid. (Although I will sometimes talk to my kids more around other adults so that I get a break from the adults).

The thought of a parent or any adult using age appropriate language tone and means to get a child's attention. Shocking. It's not performance parenting to repeat, reframe and expand on phrases and encourage a child to do likewise. It's just basic parenting.

@sickofpainting

The best performance parenting I saw was on a kids ward as trainee nurse 19 years ago. I was giving out the lunches and we asked every child what they wanted for lunch. Mum answered for one child and said basically just veg and basic chicken as they didn't eat junk food. Kid pipes up with 'I only eat chicken nuggets mummy'

That's less performance parenting and more a stressed parent trying not to be embarrassed in front of HCP's. I hope you're less judgemental in your work if you;re still a nurse

@MintyMabel

The “great bouncing!” thing hits it on the head.

I’ve praised my daughter for being able to climb in to the car by herself. Or to be able to climb on a climbing frame by herself.

You don’t know our story so you can fuck off judging us for it.

Exactly. I'd far rather that in the garden than mowing, drilling, electric sawing etc going on all day. Fed up of parents criticising other parents for their parenting style.

Do you all have huge gardens and they choose to "performance parent" in the one part of their garden that they know they'll be overheard by you? In which case, YANBU.

Or do you have tiny gardens where actually you can't help overhearing your neighbours if they're just living their usual lives? In which case, YABU. Small children aren't going to be silent in their gardens and parents will respond to them. If you want complete silence and peace and quiet, move somewhere rural.

I used to push my baby around the street singing to them and pointing out plants. Partly to pass the time. I have also congratulated my kid on doing a crap and drawing a line. I probably looked like a performance shrilly helicopter dickhead parent.
YABU because I bet there is something you did with your kids that made people’s ears bleed.

“Fed up of parents criticising other parents for their parenting style.”

This. All day long. I actually don’t much believe in ‘performance parenting’. Never seen it happen. I have seen lots of parents trying their best though. I ve seen and been an exhausted parent, trying to sound more positive and engaged than I really was. To pep myself up, to keep my son engaged, etc etc.

Why can’t we just cut each other some slack? And why can’t we jst let kids he kids in their own bloody gardens. Why do our rights to listen to music with a g and t trump their right to play. And actually yes! Kids make noise when they play. Water fights can end in shrieking etc.

I totally despair that parents trying their best are labelled ‘performance’ and kids are shrill. You d think there would be some understanding of how hard the past yr has been on kids. But no.... seen and not heard. Truly awful stuff.

I cannot see the point of anxious over-parenting, and dislike the products of such people.