To find over parenting and shrill children annoying?

[hoorayforhamsters]

I do accept I have to suck it up and get on with it, but does anyone else find parents being cloyingly attentive and over effusive annoying? I have three sides of our garden occupied with just such parenting. Every breath seems to be the most amazing thing ever done by a child ever. And they are soooooo shrill!

I do hate performance parenting. And even if they're not deliberately performing - you don't have to TALK SO MUCH.

"Oh look Daisy has picked up a stone, Daisy, it's a stone, stones are grey Daisy, Daisy if I say your name enough will you realise I'm talking to you, tell me about the stone Daisy, use 'stone' in a sentence Daisy..."

Take a breath, ffs. And they do seem to use their child's name a lot.

God forbid they just talk to their child like they're another normal human, although you never know, they probably go to work and do the same thing. "I've done that report Denise, what did you think Denise, Denise can I tell you three things about my report, let's sit down and do Circle Time Denise..."

Some children do need 'over parenting' and a "great bouncing" comment may be appropriate for a child with development difficulties or delays. I never had the luxury of being able to leave mine unattended at soft play. The shrill voice parenting I agree, is annoying and used to set ds 'off' in soft play and playgrounds.

Meh... it makes me smile and think ‘oh darling Rupert’.

I’d much rather hear that than kids getting shouted at. I can’t stand it when people bellow at children.

And don’t get me started on swearing and hitting.

Could just be I'm missing having had absolutely no noise at all (except birdsong!) for 15 years when it was all elderly people who lived around here.

Funnily enough, I don't actually mind the louder children in one garden-parents speak nicely but normally to them and the children mostly okay nicely together, but by no means quietly and with more than the occasional fall out.

I guess I need to go and live in a yurt somewhere!

The “great bouncing!” thing hits it on the head.

I’ve praised my daughter for being able to climb in to the car by herself. Or to be able to climb on a climbing frame by herself.

You don’t know our story so you can fuck off judging us for it.

My cringe was performance parenting in a very large cafe ( think old warehouse) . People reading etc. Two fathers standing about 20 feet apart .. with tables dotted between .. encoraging , in loud rp middle class voices , the children run back and forth to them . It was so so rude re the waiting onnstaff carrying hot drinks .. it teaches children they are the epicentre , and not to think of their effect on others . That is not good parenting .. so why perform it in loud voices .?

I hate noisy people generally but I do give a free pass to people encouraging young ones.

I'd probably need some headphones in so I kind of sympathise op. While agreeing with posters that surly, uncaring parents are the real problem.

I much prefer that to parents who scream and shout at their kids and neglect them. I think small children playing alone for long periods of time really sad, that was me and I was lonely.

Some of these parents might have experienced that too and are maybe doing their best to counteract. Parents can't get it right, always being judged!

I've praised bouncing and climbing and this morning praised ds for getting in the car ( without refusing or hitting anyone) and he's a teenager. Some people cannot see how life is for others.

Haha no chance of that in my garden. Just shouting kids

@Ohnomoreno sounds as if I'd love you as a neighbour! I'd even pass you a cuppa/gin over the fence 🙂

Good suggestion from PPs re putting sweaty music on. I recommend Eminem as it seems to be unacceptable to anyone under 35.

@hoorayforhamsters I'll have the gin and a chat, my husband can have tea and do bed time (ideally at 6pm).

I sympathise with you. We have this but on two sides my dc are teenagers but when they were younger and out on the trampoline or in the garden I would make sure they kept the noise to a minimum.
Yea I’m sure they could be loud but if they got screechy i would tell them to stop or they would have to go inside. Laughter is different. Laughter is lovely to hear. Screeching mummy look daddy look he took my ball/stick/scooter every five seconds is different.
Both sets of children either side are lovely when you meet them outside or chat in the front garden but as soon as they get in the garden with siblings it’s constant.
Sounds miserable but it’s really hard to enjoy our garden with them being out there morning through to evening.

@Ohnomoreno you're on!
And, as if to prove a point and make me feel less of a cow, there is now load, raucous shouty play from a few gardens away and it's not pushing my buttons at all!

I think that's partly it too-I have three and, especially last year when everyone was home all the time and possibly feeling it, I made sure they weren't too noisy, and if they couldn't manage, they came in. That doesn't really explain my reaction to shrill children and over attentive parents. Ah well...

Performance parenting does my head in. It's not parenting. Its showing off.

It's up there with people who baby talk to their pets and use terms like "furbabies"

It really isn’t.

I don't like small children and parents shrilly going on at them about how marvellous that jump/kick of a football etc was makes me want to stab myself.
Dd cracks me up as she has even less time for them than I do!

@hoorayforhamsters

I like small children, I genuinely do. I had three of them! I just can't bear the over attentive, use a different twee voice style of parenting!!

I had 3 of them too, and I love small children. But when mine were small (1980’s) I didn’t allow them to scream/ shriek in the garden, didn’t allow them to play football in the street, and definitely kept my voice down when outside, and didn’t use that twee voice. Unfortunately my NDN, with a 4 and 6 year old, allows them to scream, she shrieks at their “hilarious” antics, and is generally a pain in the arse. But I’m a grumpy old cow anyway!

Totally agree. I like most children, but it's fine to talk to them as if they're human beings rather than kittens.

Whilst it’s much better than neglectful parenting I really hate performance parenting.
Especially the type of parent who having clearly been ignoring the child (aka letting them amuse themselves happily) suddenly feel the need to launch into performance parenting when you happen to pass by with “Oh look Hugo, look at the lovely red car’ or some other such nonsense.

What is that about? As I supposed to congratulate you or something? 😂

Positive reinforcement is a great parenting tool. I don’t care if other people eavesdrop and don’t like what they hear. It’s alright to let your kids know they’re doing well.

@Superfoodie123

I much prefer that to parents who scream and shout at their kids and neglect them. I think small children playing alone for long periods of time really sad, that was me and I was lonely.

Some of these parents might have experienced that too and are maybe doing their best to counteract. Parents can't get it right, always being judged!

Yup because it's a binary situation isn't it, you either performance parent or neglect your kids. No middle ground whatsoever.

I had the displeasure to be stuck on a train with a mother and a small toddler and she tried to performance parent him the whole journey. All the kid wanted to do was pick his nose and look out of the window, not recite the alphabet and count to 10 in Spanish.

I praise dc but I don't talk to them in some special voice, I use my same voice I use for everyone. If you use a special voice at what point do you stop? 12yo? 18yo?! I say things that I wouldn't say to an adult 'Well done, that was so kind' or 'super cool bouncing' but there's no need to use some daft voice with it.