I’m in my 50s and have been with DP for a year. He comes from a large close extended family, I have a small family but we are pretty close.
My issue is - we are getting married in August, first time for both of us. Registry office booked, me, my best friend, him, his brother. That’s it. Lunch booked afterwards, nothing else. We want to be married, not have a big day. It’s just the minimum legal event needed, it is what we want.
His family are mostly in another country and so we thought we’d have a blessing and party there when we can, so my close friends/rellies (10 probably) can come (it’s Europe, cheap flights etc) and all of his (50+) can be there but because of international travel issues we can’t commit to a date.
We don’t want to wait til whenever we can travel to get married but neither do we want this to turn into a big drama and god I know it will.
My mum is sliding into dementia and by Aug may not know who I am, his DPs will want to run the whole thing, my DSis will have ‘opinions’ and expect to be a MoH, etc etc. He’s not dead keen on the religious side of it all and his DM in particular will want all the bells and smells.
So we’re just going to do it, then tell them about the blessing etc and make that the ‘wedding’ they can all have their tuppence worth about. We’ve decided what we want for that and planned most of it, so we’re in a difficult position of some people knowing, but our parents, my siblings etc not.
I’ve had a huge amount of stress over my mum’s health, she’s had cancer then this confusion so every time I think I’ll just tell her she goes off into a delusion. It’s relentless and she can’t cope with change so I’ve not wanted to start talking about how I want to get married at this point in my life especially as she’s got a bit disinhibited and fancies my DP. A very vocal lot. My DSis hasn’t been able to be much practical help but has opinions on what’s to be done for her, as does my aunt - everyone’s a backseat driver.
DP’s had a lot of family drama over a relative and his business, his DM’s low opinion of me, his relocation and career changes and again, everyone’s got a view which they are determined to share - whilst leaving him to do the heavy lifting.
Are we being unreasonable to just want to get married and not worry about mum, my interfering family and his interfering family being there and just have this day for us? I’d rather deal with the fall out after rather than before. Is that fair?