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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wise Mumsnet please advise AIBU or is he ?

59 replies

Tealvelvet · 23/04/2021 22:53

So 2 instances today and I wanted to ask your opinion on whether I am being unreasonable or is it him.

So first for background dd has school assessments and doesn’t really go out due to Covid. Currently not motivated to study. I said to Dh ‘oh I think we need a curfew for her phone at the weekend so she can feel awake enough to study.

I get as far a curfew and he starts rolling his eyes. I say why well you said curfew and I am like well if you let me finish I meant curfew for phone time not going out time.

Second id been sweeping garden paths lots of dry dust etc he is in the kitchen watching a film and I’m in other room.

I walk up the hallway and in a joke potful voice and half joke coughing I say oh I’m all chocked from the dirt today. As I get into the kitchen he is all angry - why are you coughing etc I’m trying to watch this.

Is this normal is this what other people have ?

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 23/04/2021 22:56

It sounds like you have a touch of lockdown fever, to be bickering over nothing. Maybe try and get out more with your own friends, to give you something else to think about.

Hellocatshome · 23/04/2021 22:58

Two fairly nothing events really. Do you get annoyed with each other over everything all the time or was today just a bad day?

Original poster
Tealvelvet · 23/04/2021 22:58

To be honest we do not hang out together and this is just today’s stuff. Often if there is an argument he will say it’s me.

I guess I just wondered if this is normal reactions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tealvelvet · 23/04/2021 22:59

Yes total non events that he turned into something with rolling eyes before I finish and angry reaction to interrupting the film .

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 24/04/2021 00:14

Or alternatively you could just realise even his reaction, annoying though it is is also kind of a non event and stop getting bothered by such small comments and actions. You are making it into more than it is.

EmeraldShamrock · 24/04/2021 00:21

He sounds grumpy eye rolling and huffing when you're only having a conversation.
Is he usually dismissive towards you?

Cheeserton · 24/04/2021 00:24

Rolled eyes, and got annoyed when your 'joke coughing' was disturbing viewing? Meh.

ItsNotLoveActually · 24/04/2021 00:46

Sounds like you are rubbing each other up in the wrong way, more so you. You are trying to get a reaction.

Incywincyspinsters · 24/04/2021 07:00

He doesn’t sound very nice. He sounds disrespectful.

rwalker · 24/04/2021 07:08

I'm with him (sorry)

HappyGoPlucky · 24/04/2021 07:16

He doesn't sound very nice or respectful towards you, but you haven't really provided enough information for strangers to comment either way. If he is always argumentative to everything you say, makes everything your fault, and is never very nice to you then perhaps you do have problem in your relationship that needs to be addressed.

If he's just 'bit of a phase lockdown grumpy' then maybe try to get out more - both together and with other people - to give yourselves some space.

But, in answer to your initial question, it's him not you. I mean you're not being nasty to him are you?

DinosaurDiana · 24/04/2021 07:20

Do you do anything together ?
Was it like this before lockdown ?

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 24/04/2021 07:24

Sounds like you've all got cabin fever!
Maybe your dh doesn't like how much you're limiting your dd?
Lockdown has been tough for young people, why are you not letting her go out?
It's been an absolute joy seeing my 2 teens have a little bit more freedom and socialise again.
I'd be very annoyed if dh was trying to stop this, particularly so if he was trying to limit phone use too!

MaMaD1990 · 24/04/2021 07:42

Echoing PP to say you've got a touch of the lockdown fever. I'd make a conscious effort to avoid him for a bit to be honest - ate you even able to go away for a weekend??

Original poster
Tealvelvet · 24/04/2021 08:49

I’m not limiting Dd going out it was her phone till 1am at the weekend as she needs to study for these school assessments.

He often does similar and I just wondered if that’s what other people are like as I don’t want to ask my friends.,

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 24/04/2021 08:54

When my kids were doing their GCSE’s the Internet was unplugged at 10pm when I went to bed, and their phones were turned off and left in the kitchen. End of.

iMatter · 24/04/2021 08:55

Sounds like you're fed up with each other and rubbing each other up the wrong way

Try to spend some time apart (get out for a very long walk, meet up with friends outside etc)

Incywincyspinsters · 24/04/2021 09:09

@rwalker

I'm with him (sorry)
No you’re not.
Littlefluffyclouds13 · 24/04/2021 09:23

@DinosaurDiana

When my kids were doing their GCSE’s the Internet was unplugged at 10pm when I went to bed, and their phones were turned off and left in the kitchen. End of.
End of? So not up for discussion, your way or the highway? I hate that kind of parenting, particularly with teenagers.

My teens from approx 14 'managed' their own phone time.
It helps them to learn to regulate their use, a valuable tool at an age when they are rapidly growing up.
Both of mine are hard working and did well at school, they are also thankful that I didn't parent them like some of their friends parents!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 24/04/2021 09:24

@Tealvelvet

I’m not limiting Dd going out it was her phone till 1am at the weekend as she needs to study for these school assessments.

He often does similar and I just wondered if that’s what other people are like as I don’t want to ask my friends.,

You state in your op that she doesn't go out 'due to covid' I took from that, that she isn't socialising outside of school?
daisypond · 24/04/2021 09:26

From what you’ve said so far, YABU.

DinosaurDiana · 24/04/2021 09:32

Well aren’t you ‘down with the kids’ 🙄

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2021 09:39

How old is your daughter?

Original poster
Tealvelvet · 24/04/2021 09:39

The kids just aren’t going out that much so I put that in to illustrate that it was strange DH thought I was about to say keeping her in.

Back to the post though I was just really wondering if this bickering was what normal people do . My DH is you say anything his big thing is you are treating me like a child. I think this is his complex not mine. He picks me up on particular words like the example of curfew.

I grew up with my mum and siblings from age 4 no other men and dad out the picture so I haven’t seen how couples work. I guess I’m trying to work out if it’s me and I need to change and his reactions are normal

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Original poster
Tealvelvet · 24/04/2021 09:39

Dd 16

OP posts: