Wise Mumsnet please advise AIBU or is he ?

[Tealvelvet]

So 2 instances today and I wanted to ask your opinion on whether I am being unreasonable or is it him.

So first for background dd has school assessments and doesn’t really go out due to Covid. Currently not motivated to study. I said to Dh ‘oh I think we need a curfew for her phone at the weekend so she can feel awake enough to study.

I get as far a curfew and he starts rolling his eyes. I say why well you said curfew and I am like well if you let me finish I meant curfew for phone time not going out time.

Second id been sweeping garden paths lots of dry dust etc he is in the kitchen watching a film and I’m in other room.

I walk up the hallway and in a joke potful voice and half joke coughing I say oh I’m all chocked from the dirt today. As I get into the kitchen he is all angry - why are you coughing etc I’m trying to watch this.

Is this normal is this what other people have ?

With the coughing thing if he had eye rolled then I would have thought ok but in the end with his anger and gesturing he interrupted much more of his film than if he’d said aw that’s a shame or simply eye rolled as I walked in and out. Was the reaction proportionate to the alleged crime:-)

Well you were being a bit annoying so...

They say that when you communicate you should say things like

'When you eyeroll when I'm speaking, you make me feel "
He can then respond 'When you say you want to impose a curfew you make me feel _'
Then you can see how you're hurting/annoying each other.

Ridiculous to suggest that switching the WiFi off at 10:00 is being controlling, and that kids who have that kind of discipline are going to go off the rails at uni.
As for those smug parents who let their kids run the roost because otherwise they might go off the rails later, a lot of those kids grow up saying they went off the rails precisely because they grew up with 0 boundaries.

OP you keep trying to bring up examples to get people on your side here. It’s blatantly obvious, when actually you were being annoying, he was being annoying, it’s lockdown and everyone is annoying each other.

Actually I prefer objective opinions otherwise there is no point me asking is there. I am saying things in answer to questions or to give a bit more info not to get people onside. ‘Eye roll’ :-)

@OnlyInYourDreams

Ridiculous to suggest that switching the WiFi off at 10:00 is being controlling, and that kids who have that kind of discipline are going to go off the rails at uni. As for those smug parents who let their kids run the roost because otherwise they might go off the rails later, a lot of those kids grow up saying they went off the rails precisely because they grew up with 0 boundaries.

OP you keep trying to bring up examples to get people on your side here. It’s blatantly obvious, when actually you were being annoying, he was being annoying, it’s lockdown and everyone is annoying each other.

So I'm smug because I parent in a different way to you? Ok then...

I'm not smug. I'm proud that I've raised such lovely dc. There is a big difference.

@OnlyInYourDreams

Ridiculous to suggest that switching the WiFi off at 10:00 is being controlling, and that kids who have that kind of discipline are going to go off the rails at uni. As for those smug parents who let their kids run the roost because otherwise they might go off the rails later, a lot of those kids grow up saying they went off the rails precisely because they grew up with 0 boundaries.

OP you keep trying to bring up examples to get people on your side here. It’s blatantly obvious, when actually you were being annoying, he was being annoying, it’s lockdown and everyone is annoying each other.

0 boundaries or letting them experience the consequences of their own choices?

Sound like normal bickering to me. But if it becomes the only type of communication you have then you guys need a sit down talk. ‘I’ve notice you seem unhappy. I feel that you are in a short fuse and I dint know why. I think somethings bugging you and I want to help. What can I do to help you?’ Etc etc.
You daughter - limit her phone during the week. You can put locks on it and limit the time. It’s hard for kids just now some are more anxious than others to go out and about. But keep encouraging her. I’m sure you will be fine. Lockdown has caused some extraordinary grumbles and arguments in households I’m sure!

Some folks are acting a bit hysterical here becayse rhey love some really strict stick it to your kid parenting. You see it on many threads on here. It’s very odd.

Op, as you’re in Scotland she’s an adult. The age of majority is 16. You can guide but not control. Talk, encourage.

As for you and your husband, it’s just petty bickering.