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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how this is going to work? (Work and money)

56 replies

Sanddownlane16 · 23/04/2021 17:19

I’m needing some advice to figure things out. I hope that’s okay.

I’ve always been the one mainly working since my partner lost his job. We have a one year old. He’s finally got a new job which is four days midweek, 8:30–6pm. This is, of course, great. It’s an easy going job and is going to be great for his mental health.

But it leaves me wondering how I’m going to work myself. I am the higher earner, and work in media. I have five clients and I need to be available in the week, especially in the mornings.

My MIL minimises my job and says I should just do my ‘stuff at night time’ after making sure I have DP’s dinner on the table when he gets home.

Can i put a one year old in nursery? I’m not sure how it works. My career is what makes me ‘me’ and to lose it would make my mental health even worse than it already is.

I’m so happy for my partner, but I can’t help but feel worried about what this means for my own career, which I’ve worked so hard for.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
LIZS · 23/04/2021 17:22

Nursery or child-minder (cm may be more flexible and cheaper).

Ellpellwood · 23/04/2021 17:22

Of course you can put a one year old in nursery. Hundreds of thousands of women go back to work after 9 months to a year of maternity leave (some earlier of course). It'll cost you though. We spend about £100 a week for 3 days - look into the Tax Free Childcare scheme.

Ignore your MiL. You both work, you both cook.

Original poster
Sanddownlane16 · 23/04/2021 17:23

I will take a look into it this weekend. How did your little one get on at the start? @Ellpellwood. Will take a look, thank you!

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 23/04/2021 17:24

Err. You use childcare like millions and millions of people. Nursery, nanny, childminder.

Most take from six months, some from three months.

EL8888 · 23/04/2021 17:24

Another vote for nursery or childminder as you will be splitting the cost l assume. Your MIL is talking crap by the way

greeneyedlulu · 23/04/2021 17:26

Your MIL sounds outdated. Your MH and job are important too, put baby in nursery, its fine, he/she will have lots of fun playing all day.

Ellpellwood · 23/04/2021 17:27

He was fine - he's been there 18 months now. He cried at dropoff the first few times but we could hear him stop as soon as he was carried into the main room with all the toys!

I think you can get tax free childcare (20% off) if you both work at least 16 hours minimum wage, and both earn under £100k (not combined, each).

Planningobjection · 23/04/2021 17:27

Most people use a nursery or childminder. Absolutely fine at that age.

Hardbackwriter · 23/04/2021 17:28

Can i put a one year old in nursery? I’m not sure how it works.

Confused what do you think nurseries are for?

Sunbird24 · 23/04/2021 17:29

Imagine where your family would be now if you hadn’t had your job!! Ignore MIL, get childcare.

rosegoldivy · 23/04/2021 17:29

Our DD goes to a childminder and has done since 9months, she abso loves it.

Also. Tell your MIL to fuck off.

My MIL is still disgusted and makes comments about how I choose to work than be a 1950s housewife.
Preg again with twins and she's already Piped up about how this time will surely make me realise that I should be at home raising my kids alone. Hahaha fuck off.

Sleepisoverrated150 · 23/04/2021 17:31

My 1 year old is in nursery I’m struggling to see the issue here, partner does drop off and you do pick up as mornings are more important

KingdomScrolls · 23/04/2021 17:32

DS has been in nursery from a year old, we're lucky we were both able to compress our hours over 4 days and DM does one day a week for us so he only does two days at nursery, he's two and a half now and absolutely loves it. He's been happy from the start to be honest, few tears at drop off the first few sessions but settled very quickly. Ours is a Montessori with a forest school option. DS is and will be an only, nursery has meant he is confident, plays well with other children and he burns a lot of energy there! Some days I ask him what he's like to do today and he asks to go to nursery... I preferred a nursery don't to a child minder, feels like there's more structure you know what the learning journeys are etc and you don't have to find additional childcare because the CM is ill or on holiday

CastleCrasher · 23/04/2021 17:33

Both mine were in daycare from a year old. Both thrived and I was a much better parent as I was able to be "me" tooSmile

Mumof1andacat · 23/04/2021 17:34

My son started nursery at 6 months for 2 days. His nursery was open 0730-1830. He loved it. Very sad day when he left. Now in school as hes 8. We use wraparound care and holiday clubs

KingdomScrolls · 23/04/2021 17:34

Oh and tax free childcare is brilliant even if you earn pretty well (as long as it is under 100k each) we're both public sector so no concerns there 😁

PinkPlantCase · 23/04/2021 17:36

We’re planning on putting a 6 month old in nursery 😂

Some of them open from 7:30 so you could arrange the timings early enough for your partner to do the drop off before work if you need more flexibility in the morning.

BiddyPop · 23/04/2021 17:36

My strapping teen was in Creche from 5 months old (less Mat leave available then) and was there for 4.5 years until primary school (it had a Montessori for older DCs). The staff were very well used to small babies.

Throwntothewolves · 23/04/2021 17:38

Of course you can! We had a childminder as I needed flexibility due to working shifts, nurseries require you to book set days and times. A one year old will be fine though. Don't change what you do because he has a job or others think you should be at home. And don't feel guilty. You need and want to work, so make sure that happens, your DC will be fine in childcare.

Hadjab · 23/04/2021 17:42

All three of mine went to nursery from 1year - I’m pleased to say they are all fully functioning and sociable human beings!

Notaroadrunner · 23/04/2021 17:42

When you do book a nursery make sure you are both paying for it. You seem to think that your Dh going back to work means that you have to sort everything with the baby - you both need to find a nursery, find a rota of drop off and pick up that suits you both. Don't take sole charge of sorting this out. As for his mother, tell her to fuck off and mind her own business.

Hadjab · 23/04/2021 17:43

And your Mil’s opinion is nonsensical and irrelevant...

hopeishere · 23/04/2021 17:45

Or a nanny?

rosemary35 · 23/04/2021 17:49

This has really annoyed me! If you’re the higher earner who has been working the whole time, and your husband has only just found a job, why is it YOUR responsibility/worry to sort out childcare!? Shouldn’t your husband be sorting it out, if he was looking after your child previously?

Your MIL sounds like an old bag. I’d have to make a comment to her about how you’ve supported the whole family financially while her darling son was unemployed, and will continue to be the higher earner too.

Don’t let it affect your career at all, not even a jot. I’m in London, and 4 days a week at nursery with the 20% tax free childcare discount would probably be about £800-900 - hopefully less than your husbands new monthly salary? So you should be fine. Contact nurseries and childminders now, to enquire about places. Good luck!

FizzyApricot · 23/04/2021 17:49

Nursery and tell your MIL to make her son's dinner if it's that important to her.