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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how this is going to work? (Work and money)

56 replies

Sanddownlane16 · 23/04/2021 17:19

I’m needing some advice to figure things out. I hope that’s okay.

I’ve always been the one mainly working since my partner lost his job. We have a one year old. He’s finally got a new job which is four days midweek, 8:30–6pm. This is, of course, great. It’s an easy going job and is going to be great for his mental health.

But it leaves me wondering how I’m going to work myself. I am the higher earner, and work in media. I have five clients and I need to be available in the week, especially in the mornings.

My MIL minimises my job and says I should just do my ‘stuff at night time’ after making sure I have DP’s dinner on the table when he gets home.

Can i put a one year old in nursery? I’m not sure how it works. My career is what makes me ‘me’ and to lose it would make my mental health even worse than it already is.

I’m so happy for my partner, but I can’t help but feel worried about what this means for my own career, which I’ve worked so hard for.

Thank you xx

OP posts:

rosemary35 · 23/04/2021 17:51

And since your husband’s new job is easy going and only four days a week, I hope he has YOUR dinner on the table each night! (Or at least 50/50 )

PattyPan · 23/04/2021 17:53

Most people I know take less than a year mat leave so put babies younger than 1 in nursery and it’s fine. Ignore your MIL from the dark ages and keep up the career, no problem.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/04/2021 17:53

Not sure I am buying that you have a child and don't know that its completely normal for 1 year olds to go to nursery so that their parents can return to work. Don't you know any other parents?

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 23/04/2021 17:59

Presumably your partner is managing the childcare, so now that they have decided to return to work its really up to them to resolve the childcare issue. I don't know why you are even concerning yourself with it. Every other SAHP who is considering returning to work on these forums takes responsibility for organising childcare, why is your partner any different?

quizqueen · 23/04/2021 18:06

You may find it difficult to find a nursery which still has space at short notice! My daughter's nursery is fully booked; mostly with siblings of children who already attend. Mothers often register their babies when they are pregnant to make sure of a place.

riotlady · 23/04/2021 18:10

Of course you can put a one year old in nursery!

Wotsitsarecheesy · 23/04/2021 18:11

Agree with everyone else. All my 3 went to nursery - my eldest from 5 months old. It's just what you do when you work. We always got home at the same time so DH dealt the kids while I cooked, as we both preferred it that way. And yes, your DH should take the lead in looking for a childcare arrangement that fits your family. Who will pick up, who will drop off? I assume that will be shared. But it needs to suit both of you so you both should have input into the decision. He can look into the options though. He is the one with the time atm, before he starts. Ignore the MiL!

Original poster

Sanddownlane16 · 23/04/2021 18:11

No I didn’t realise you could go to nursery at 1. I don’t have any mum friends either, and was told it was three by my family. That’s why I asked, sorry

OP posts:

jamimmi · 23/04/2021 18:15

Your 1yr old will be fine in nursery or CM. Mine were there from 6 and 10 months and are now completely normal 18 and 14 yr olds with no issues . MIL like yours thought I shouldn't work and kids would.be dreadful adults if I did. She said to me last week what a lovley adult my son was. I was Soooo tempted to remind her.of that comment!

NothingIsWrong · 23/04/2021 18:17

I think what they are thinking of is preschool - generally school hours term time only, and is funded by the 15/30 hours free provision which is available from the term following their third birthday.

There is plenty of childcare available from 3 months upwards. Just make sure you are both paying for it, both sharing the drop offs and both bloody cooking!

PattyPan · 23/04/2021 18:19

@Sanddownlane16 3 is when your free childcare hours kick in but you can absolutely start nursery before then and just pay for all the hours. But I agree that it should be your DP who arranges it since he’s the one changing the situation.

Chickenlickeninthepot · 23/04/2021 18:19

How do you think people go to work with babies and young children?

Bouncebacker · 23/04/2021 18:19

Of course your one year old can go to nursery - but work out the costs - my sons nursery is £90 a day - so the impact on income is massive - childminder could be cheaper, as could a nanny share - Ignore your mother in-law

your job is not a hobby

Eatingsoupwithafork · 23/04/2021 18:43

My LO has went to nursery since 8 months old. She loves it and does amazing activities I probably would never think of. I have no regrets sending her to nursery so young and absolutely think you have every right to protect the career that you’ve worked hard for.

TipseyTorvey · 23/04/2021 18:47

Both mine were in nursery full time from 10 months. I work ft, so does DH. Neither of us high flyers but doing reasonably well and both home evenings and weekends. Kids a lot older now and barely remember nursery and totally happy. Big advantage of nursery over school is that it's 8 to 6pm 50 weeks a year. The real challenge started when they went to school at first as they were only in 5 mins before it was half terms, or an inset day, voting day or some such. Easy now they're older.

TheUndoingProject · 23/04/2021 18:51

Your DH is the one who has changed the set up, why isn’t he the one sorting this out? If you’re the main earner why on earth is your job the one that’s going to take the hit. He should have thought about child care when job hunting.

museumum · 23/04/2021 18:55

My son went to nursery at 6months old but we did need to put him in the waiting list before he was born! You may not be able to get a place instantly. In my city it’s about £55-65 per day.

Scottishskifun · 23/04/2021 18:57

@Sanddownlane16

No I didn’t realise you could go to nursery at 1. I don’t have any mum friends either, and was told it was three by my family. That’s why I asked, sorry

It's 3 for school nurseries and funded places unless a low income family which is 2 and is means tested.

My son has attended nursery since just before his first birthday he absolutely loves it!
The govt 20% tax free childcare makes a huge difference to the cost as well.

As for dinner on the table..... Well that's bloody ridiculous! Take it in turns to cook, batch cook at the weekend or use a slow cooker!

Babygotblueyes · 23/04/2021 19:17

Why is it only your job to sort this out? Did you DP think about this when he took the job?

cptartapp · 23/04/2021 19:21

18 and 16 years ago I put my four and five month olds in nursery.They're off to uni now with no mental trauma. My pension looks fab too. Don't see the issue.
Your MIL has no say. See her less.

Cipot · 23/04/2021 19:21

Go and check out some nurseries. What a joke your mil thinks you should have his dinner ready. Did she fail to teach him to cook?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/04/2021 19:31

How do you think people go to work with babies and young children?

This. Are you in the UK, OP?

PollyThePony · 23/04/2021 19:34

Pre-schools don't generally take under 3s. Nurseries take them from usually about 3 months old. I have known nannies to be involved pretty much from day one. Of course there is child care for younger babies

MixedUpFiles · 23/04/2021 19:39

You hire child care like everyone else.

Make sure he does his fair share of pickups, drop offs, sick days, and doctors appointments.

Sleepisoverrated150 · 23/04/2021 19:48

You don’t have to be sorry, guess I’m just surprised you had been told only 3 years plus go to nursery. Guess they are thinking of the free hours maybe.

My LO love going and seeing their friends, it’s expensive depending on location ranging from £40 a day to £80-90 for more southern locations. But they do get three meals, snacks and bring home loads of artwork that we wouldn’t do at home.

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