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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pronouns

129 replies

idontlikealdi · 23/04/2021 11:38

I know this has been done to death on the feminism boards, but it's always been something I've read about and not encountered.

I the last few weeks I have had a slew of people on LinkedIn / clients / colleagues add pronouns to their sign off.

I work in a global capacity, no one not in the UK is doing this. I don't care what you identify as as long as you complete the job. Of the very few people who don't identify as they present, just tell me once and we're sorted.

I'm getting RAGE. It's fucking ridiculous. I'm thinking of adding giraffe / goat / duck to mine.

YABU - everyone should do it
YANBU - it's virtue signalling wokeness, at best.

OP posts:
ChairmansReserve · 27/05/2021 22:33

[quote Babbly]@Throckmorton Your argument appears to be entirely based on people being FORCED to do this - which no one is. People choosing to do this have a right to and aren't harming anyone. Your argument is entirely based on an assumption it harms the person doing it which a) you have no evidence for and b) is their choice. Do you feel the same way about people who sign off with "Miss/Mrs/Ms/Mr"? Does that make you feel "rage" like OP?
This is yet another case of "I don't want to do X so I'm angry that other people have chosen to do X even though it doesn't impact me in any way".[/quote]
Funny how they all completely independently chose to do it at exactly the same time.

OneEpisode · 27/05/2021 22:33

Our GP allows patients to book the GP of their choice and the website says (m) and (f) after the GP’s name. They realise that some parents want to choose the sex of their GP for some health conditions.
I don’t see that knowing someone in the company with a doctorate in nuclear physics was male or female is as useful.

VestaTilley · 27/05/2021 22:42

YANBU. It’s compelled speech. I’ll never do it.

Selkiesarereal · 27/05/2021 22:47

In my many years experience of work, I have never needed to know the sex of someone I am interacting with.

If I have to refer to an individual in an email in which I don’t know their sex, I refer to them by their name.

Not sure why I suddenly need to know this information and no, I’m not going to add it to my name either.

Ifimight · 27/05/2021 22:49

I don't feel the need to add my pronouns but i don't care if other people do. What happened to live and let live?

Ifimight · 27/05/2021 22:50

Funny how they all completely independently chose to do it at exactly the same time.

The function has only recently been added.

nothingcomestonothing · 27/05/2021 22:54

Why don't we all put our star signs in our email signatures? If you don't believe in astrology it doesn't hurt you. And makes the people who believe in astrology feel more comfortable to be able to judge their colleagues by their star signs. Be kind and inclusive.

Yep, not going to do it, and if I'm honest I lose respect for people who do.

chickenyhead · 27/05/2021 22:54

We were encouraged, I chose not to. Prefer not to say is as valid as openly declaring.

Do what you feel is right and others do the same.

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 22:55

Why is it making you RAGE?

OppsUpsSide · 27/05/2021 22:59

I think if someone’s gender ID is ambiguous and it makes them feel more comfortable they should crack on and add them. For people were there really is no ambiguity at all it makes me think either they or their company are a bit of a dick.

OppsUpsSide · 27/05/2021 22:59

Why don't we all put our star signs in our email signatures? If you don't believe in astrology it doesn't hurt you. And makes the people who believe in astrology feel more comfortable to be able to judge their colleagues by their star signs. Be kind and inclusive.

Love this!

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 23:00

I'd hate to feel I was forcing someone to have to decide what pronouns to use if they were struggling

Newkitchen123 · 27/05/2021 23:00

I'm a language teacher. The benefit of all this stating pronouns is that people now know what a pronoun is. I teach grammar. Many people didn't know what the term pronoun meant before all this.
Personally I find it annoying when I see them added to anything. Fair enough of you have a gender neutral name but otherwise, it's unnecessary.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/05/2021 23:02

@Lizzie523

I won't be doing it.

I noticed a recruiter who found me on LinkedIn had them. I ignored his message because he clearly lacks the ability to think for himself. A week later, he had removed them.

Bulllllshiiiiiiit
Wearywithteens · 27/05/2021 23:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ClareBlue · 27/05/2021 23:11

@Babbly

Aside from the fact that everyone on mumsnet has an issue with being transgender, it's useful for people who have gender neutral names (like Charlie or Riley or Jac etc), it's useful for people with foreign names where people in the country they're in won't be able to tell their gender, it's useful for people who have gender-neutral titles (like Dr). If you have a meeting with Dr Jones, sometimes it's nice to be able to determine if you're meeting a man or a woman - just to have some idea who to look for. If you're called Riley Smith, it's super annoying to constantly be called Mr Smith if you're female etc. Would you know whether Tinghuei is male or female? Not everything has to be about your opinions. It doesn't negatively impact you in any possible way and it benefits a lot of people in a lot of ways. Also, a lot of people do this in a lot of countries so clearly you need to widen your circle. Could you explain why you think it's a bad thing? You haven't actually provided any reason.
Everyone on mumsnet does not have an issue with anyone being transgender. What an illinformed sentence to write, which compromises the credibility of the rest of your post.
StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/05/2021 23:12

I know this has been done to death on the feminism boards

If you know this, why are you trotting it out again?

For the people saying it damages women, I’d it really any different to having an obviously feminine name? If you get an email from Melanie Smith, you assume it’s a woman - having ‘she/her’ specified at the end makes no difference.

chickenyhead · 27/05/2021 23:14

I don't see how someone else choosing to declare their pronouns, whilst I opt out, negatively impacts women.

Just seems like a control issue, why can't others choose? Weird.

KaleSlayer · 27/05/2021 23:14

It’s all bollocks and something I judge people massively for. 😬 Just do your fucking job.

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 23:16

@KaleSlayer

It’s all bollocks and something I judge people massively for. 😬 Just do your fucking job.
It doesn't really stop people doing their job. It's just two words on the end of an email signature. They could even do it in their lunch break so as not to use up previous company time.
NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 27/05/2021 23:17

I e always thought that in many cases such as forms and the like, declaration of gender or pronouns serve no purpose
In a job application it is not needed nor is DOB

Watchingthetelly · 27/05/2021 23:18

I do this. Not because there’s likely to be an ambiguity about myself, I do it to signify I’m an ally and to normalise the whole thing. No skin off my nose. I think of it as a transitional thing while ppl get accustomed to the concept, like ppl got accustomed to not all women wanting to get married or some ppl being gay, for example. The numbers of trans ppl are very small and I imagine it must be lonely at times. If me using a corporate template with my pronouns and a rainbow helps a person feel less isolated - that’s a good thing from where I’m standing 🤷🏻‍♀️

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 23:20

@Watchingthetelly I thought like this then I realised actually I could be forcing someone to feel like they had to decide their pronouns and they might not be comfortable deciding. It's a tricky one.

Throckmorton · 27/05/2021 23:22

@Watchingthetelly

I do this. Not because there’s likely to be an ambiguity about myself, I do it to signify I’m an ally and to normalise the whole thing. No skin off my nose. I think of it as a transitional thing while ppl get accustomed to the concept, like ppl got accustomed to not all women wanting to get married or some ppl being gay, for example. The numbers of trans ppl are very small and I imagine it must be lonely at times. If me using a corporate template with my pronouns and a rainbow helps a person feel less isolated - that’s a good thing from where I’m standing 🤷🏻‍♀️
What about the fact it actively disadvantages transwomen though (as it does all women), and may make people uncomfortable if they are not ready to disclose? That said, I would like mental health issues and disabilities to be normalized, so I assume you'd be fine with stating any mental health issues and disabilities you have (or lack of them) in your email signature, as that will help those of us with mental health issues. Thanks in advance
KaleSlayer · 27/05/2021 23:22

It doesn't really stop people doing their job. It's just two words on the end of an email signature. They could even do it in their lunch break so as not to use up previous company time.

It’s irrelevant. I can tell their sex, I will use sex pronouns so I don’t need to know if they ‘choose’ others...they don’t get to choose what pronouns I use for them. And they do talk about it, I’ve been asked a few times at the start or end of a meeting why I haven't put my pronouns on. 🤪 So yeah, they need to get on with their fucking job.