To consider the ending extra-curricular activities at Secondary

[secular39]

Hello,

I have three DC's. The middle DC is starting secondary in September. He is a part of a recreational swim club and he swims with them two days a week. DC is a very talented swimmer and his swim teacher encouraged us to move on and find a competitive swimming squad where DC can compete competitively.

The swim teacher recommended a few swimming squads and we found one that seems perfect for DC. But they swim between 3-4 x a week and will have to do some extra swimming if they are competing. DC would love to do it but I'm ummm and ahhhing. We love his recreational swim club as they compete informally with others, it's local and he has made great friends.

Anyway I told a friend about this and she thinks I'm being ludicrous. She said that it will be too much for DC as he will be going into secondary, that he wouldn't have time to do his homework, he should be hanging out with friends and he should be focusing on his GCSE's in the years down the line. She reckons that I should stop all of DC's extra curricular activities once he starts secondary.

The issue is that DC has ADHD and has a bad temperament at times. He is very easily led, wants to fit in and I'm worried once he starts secondary, he would be led astray in the bad crowd. Whereas, his activists keep him grounded, focussed and relaxed.He also attends yoga and private ART therapy (to help with his anger....). What is he going to do in his free time? I can guarantee he will be hanging out in the streets. But he does spends time with his friends outside of course currently.

I understand what my friend is saying. But I'm at loss as to what is best for DC and his impending teenage-hood. DC absolutely loves swimming but I don't want him to burn out, miss out on stuff, not be focus on his homework (this has not been an issue anyway but it will I reckon if he gets mountain of work). But swimming- he lives and breathes it. I do not care much about a competitive swimming squad, but DC is literally jumping at the idea. What is a mother suppose to do? (Sigh).

Let him try. If it really doesn't work out and his work suffers then you can always stop. Why would you take away his coping mechanism?

Absolutely no way would I be listening to your friend on this. He wants to do it and it will be good for him. Win win. It’s a great opportunity for him, would be a real shame to take it away before it even starts. If it’s too much he can stop.

I'm worried about the academic challenges that secondary brings and I'm worried he won't cope.

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

Don't think there's an easy answer. Why don't you sign him up and see how he gets on, if it's too much. You could then cut back, or go back to his old swim school.

Doesn't he have friends already? Going to secondary? How big is it?

Is his tutor, HoY and Senco supportive?

My ds's school is huge, with 6 primaries feeding into it. Ds2 had made loads of new friends, and this year 7 didn't even have much extra curriculum activities because of covid, so most friendships have been formed within school time.

Eh? Yes of course. most of us do!
Some MN'ers have dc who are GB champions at ...... piano, diving, karate, etc.

The rest of ferry dc around to endless standard football matches, etc, standing in the rain!

The secondary school is big-ish. He has friends at school but his behaviour can be annoying to the other children and this has resulted in him not making a lot of friends at school. But he has a few very very close ones. Only one of them will be going to his secondary-- but remembering how secondary is life. I am certain that after the second term, they will both go their separate and hang out with new friends.

But the friends he has made at his swim club is phenomenal. The parents are lovely. His friends are great and they are all very very close. They don't attend the same primary as him and none of them are going to DS's secondary.

I didn't think about talking to the SENCo at secondary... I'm not sure how they will help?

1000% keep him him engaged in activities.

Let him try it..He loves it!

Definitely stick with structured activities.

@secular39

I'm worried about the academic challenges that secondary brings and I'm worried he won't cope.

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

Not everyone is academic though, academia isn't the be all and end all, especially if he has additional needs in his ADHD. You sounds like you have a talented sportsman for a son. Whilst he has the opportunity to do so let him strive and achieve there. Academia can always be revisited again in the future.

Gosh the kids round here seem to have more extra curriculars when they hit secondary as the school runs so many clubs. I'm a guide leader and the amount of girls we have that come straight from dance club or drama or rugby to guides is not insignificant. This is girls up to at least aged 14.

Sounds like following something which is good for him, he likes and he can excel in is exactly what he should be doing.

@Oblomov21

Eh? Yes of course. most of us do! Some MN'ers have dc who are GB champions at ...... piano, diving, karate, etc.

The rest of ferry dc around to endless standard football matches, etc, standing in the rain!

Even at secondary? I don't know if it's my experience. But most of the people in my local area, well at DC's school, don't really do extra curricular activities and will not consider doing this at secondary. It's not really a done thing... maybe I'm speaking to the wrong parents. To be honest, the main motivator for DS to partake in swimming was his love for it and to help with his ADHD.

The reason why I'm keen for DS to complete completely 3-4 days a week is because he is very very easily led, has a bad temperament and wants to fit in. I'm worried he would associate the kids in the bad crowd (drugs, crowds) and maybe out on the streets- doing God knows what. I may sound paranoid when is say this- but I hear of 12-13 year olds being involved in that lifestyle. I don't want this to be DC. I know I can't control the destiny of his life no matter how hard I try. But I want his love of swimming to be a deterrent to not follow the wrong crown.

One of my sons is at a swim club and its great. They do their homework whilst waiting around on competition days and there is still time to train, do homework and hang with friends on school days.

Swimming will take over your life! Take that as positively or negatively as you wish. The squad usually become close friends as they spend hours together each week. They can spend days together over a competition: eating, training, cheering and commiserating.

My DS is a national level swimmer and our whole lives revolve around it. Holidays planned around big meets, food bought for his needs etc.

However, swimmer generally have great discipline. They work in the car, on poolside and in hotel rooms. They plan ahead and know the importance of preparation. The sport demands hours of preparation for races lasting 30 seconds or less!

We don’t regret supporting DS to do this. He’s achieved things we could never contemplate 7 years ago- and keep his studies going too. (Has SEND so not going to get level 9s at GCSES, but will pass at a good level for him)

In my experience children who enjoy a hobby learn a lot of structure from it that tends to add to school and not detract from it. If he gets reluctant or struggling with academics then of course you can revisit.

Most people I know with secondary age children do extra curricular. If they quit it’s when they are slightly older and it’s not “cool” anymore never to do with the workload of secondary.
Definitely ignore your friend )who sounds moronic) and keep him swimming.

Keep going with the swimming for now. You can always drop back if it proves too much.
Covid may well be skewing things, but the homework we have seen in Y7 is far from excessive.

If the swimming/exercise help him regulate his ADHD, I'd say thats even more reason to stick with it. In fact, it's probably as important as the homework.

DS is not that age yet, but I did more extra curricular at secondary not less! There's nothing to lose by giving it a go

Amephia

Thank you. We are blessed that we have discovered something that he is good at but also something he terribly loves. The ADHD makes things so hard at it- especially in the early years.

I forget that academics is not everything, but I do place an importance of it. But his mental health will always be my top priority. I was worried that the secondary load and swimming 3/4 x a week would be too much for him to handle and make him "worse".

My kids arent old enough yet, but i did horse riding when i was in secondary. I actually got my own horse when i turned 11 and i went horse riding every single day for hours while doing secondary, then studying and everything.

Its definitely possible if his heart is in it. Just dont try to push it no matter what. See what he wants to do and go from there.

My friend's daughter competed at a high level in showjumping while at secondary school. She managed both really well and is now in contention for the National squad. Let him try. There's more to life than just academic things- and I say that as someone who is contemplating a PhD!

@secular39

I'm worried about the academic challenges that secondary brings and I'm worried he won't cope.

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

Loads of children carry on with extra curricular activities when they are at secondary school. I did. My dc did and it was fine.

My friend's ds was a competitive swimmer all through secondary school.

Oh my goodness let him stick with it if he wants to! Your friend sounds nuts - and maybe a little jealous that your son has this opportunity. My daughter (year 9) is not terribly sporty (very academic) but does a phenomenal amount of sport through school, during the day, after school and at weekends. So good for her mental health and keeps her off her phone (which is the default alternative to organised activities). The school is known for it and the kids thrive academically.

Definitely keep the swimming. My DC have always done extra curricular stuff at secondary. It's important, and with mine it's where they made their better friends. Each of mine have frequently had stuff on 5-6 days a week, and sometimes late into the evening. Mine found year 7 hard because of this, but then it settled down. I always gave them the choice - as long as their school work got done they could carry on. They all chose to keep doing stuff. It's what makes them well rounded people, gives them an interest and keeps them out of trouble! In some cases, their extra curricular hobby can set them up with an interest for life, and that to me is far more important than a slightly better mark for a subject they are going to drop before they get to GCSE.