To consider the ending extra-curricular activities at Secondary

[secular39]

Hello,

I have three DC's. The middle DC is starting secondary in September. He is a part of a recreational swim club and he swims with them two days a week. DC is a very talented swimmer and his swim teacher encouraged us to move on and find a competitive swimming squad where DC can compete competitively.

The swim teacher recommended a few swimming squads and we found one that seems perfect for DC. But they swim between 3-4 x a week and will have to do some extra swimming if they are competing. DC would love to do it but I'm ummm and ahhhing. We love his recreational swim club as they compete informally with others, it's local and he has made great friends.

Anyway I told a friend about this and she thinks I'm being ludicrous. She said that it will be too much for DC as he will be going into secondary, that he wouldn't have time to do his homework, he should be hanging out with friends and he should be focusing on his GCSE's in the years down the line. She reckons that I should stop all of DC's extra curricular activities once he starts secondary.

The issue is that DC has ADHD and has a bad temperament at times. He is very easily led, wants to fit in and I'm worried once he starts secondary, he would be led astray in the bad crowd. Whereas, his activists keep him grounded, focussed and relaxed.He also attends yoga and private ART therapy (to help with his anger....). What is he going to do in his free time? I can guarantee he will be hanging out in the streets. But he does spends time with his friends outside of course currently.

I understand what my friend is saying. But I'm at loss as to what is best for DC and his impending teenage-hood. DC absolutely loves swimming but I don't want him to burn out, miss out on stuff, not be focus on his homework (this has not been an issue anyway but it will I reckon if he gets mountain of work). But swimming- he lives and breathes it. I do not care much about a competitive swimming squad, but DC is literally jumping at the idea. What is a mother suppose to do? (Sigh).

A competitive swim club in normal times could have the kids swimming 10 hours a week + and lots of them early sessions, like 5am start early. So it can be a huge commitment as a family.
But great excerise and great friendships.

Hi. I have adhder. He does lots: bike racing is his main training 3/4 times a week but also does scouts once a week, then afterschool activities in school - football, hockey, cross country, piano. He keeps up with his school work and knows if that falls then activities get cut back.

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

I would say most kids do to be honest DS1 is in year 9 and does football, cricket and futsal and still has time for the work. DS2 moves up in September he swims 5 times a week as he is a competitive swimmer (and is much more likely than the 3 or 4 times a week you have been quoted) and he will continue, once he reaches 13 he will be swimming in the morning before school as well.

My daughter is yr 8 and still attends two orchestras (zoom at present), advanced gymnastics class, rock climbing and plays rugby for a local club. At school she also does their orchestra, cricket and drama after school. So far it hasn't been an issue and I feel that you need a balance in life.

@secular39

I'm worried about the academic challenges that secondary brings and I'm worried he won't cope.

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

Yes tons. Kids competing at high levels in all sports at age 12+ will be doing loads of hours. They have to be disciplined themselves to fit it in. Some clubs make this very clear

All the exercise definitely helps with the adhd symptoms but for him medication makes him so much less easily led and impulsive.

@QueenofLouisiana

Wow. That's Amazing! Your DS sounds phenomenal. Thank you for sharing your experience about the life of being a party of a swim squad. To be honest, it doesn't sound appealing at all. But for all my DC's, I will do anything (within reason) that makes them happen.

Regarding my friend, she is from the same county as my parents and extra curricular activities is not really a done thing- there's a lot more focus on achieving academically. Extra curricular activities is seen as a waste of money. Even when I was growing up, there was only one girl who partake in extra curricular activists, whilst through primary and secondary. She is a very talented dancer and is not part of a national dance company. Some children, like me, learning and reading was my passion and I wanted to do well. This is not DC at all! His ADHD makes learning very difficult, often feels like a failure but his swimming is a saving Grace, it's the one thing he feels accomplished in ifyswim.

Completely understand where you're coming from OP.

My DN does this - I think 5 sessions per week some starting at 5am etc - she copes well with it, and started around the same age. BUT she has no additional needs and it's unlikely to reach burnout as quickly as my DC would. My DC also has to try harder academically to do ok.

BUT I

@Hellocatshome

Has anyone's child continue extra curricular activities whilst their kids are at secondary?

I would say most kids do to be honest DS1 is in year 9 and does football, cricket and futsal and still has time for the work. DS2 moves up in September he swims 5 times a week as he is a competitive swimmer (and is much more likely than the 3 or 4 times a week you have been quoted) and he will continue, once he reaches 13 he will be swimming in the morning before school as well.

.... wow. That sounds like a lot! I'm not so sure now. Urgh!

his swimming is a saving Grace, it's the one thing he feels accomplished in ifyswim.

Given this I'd let him try the new club. He might love it.

I’d let him try it out, if it’s too much for him to deal with then he can quit- no real loss there at all. Homework doesn’t really ramp up until year 10.

I did an extra curricular 3-4 days a week in secondary. The week of GCSE mocks I was performing in a theatre every single night and revising in the gaps. I think any "worthwhile" activity just replaces TV, gaming, hanging out and not necessarily time spent on homework. Also taking part in an activity at a high level can set people up for a future career, especially if not academic, eg sports degree, swim coach, swim teacher.

@Hellocatshome can I ask?..... for the DC who swims 5 x a week... how does he manage, and how do you manage as a family?

I think if you can focus their attention on a hobby in their teens it helps avoid some of the wayward/boredom behaviour so I’d definitely give it a try. If school suffers you can cut back.

Focus on GCSE's doesn't start til Year 10. Swimming sounds perfect for your son, go for it.

@Planningobjection

I think if you can focus their attention on a hobby in their teens it helps avoid some of the wayward/boredom behaviour so I’d definitely give it a try. If school suffers you can cut back.

I’d agree with this. Ours all continued a number of extracurricular activities up to and through sixth form. They each had something most evenings and at weekends.

@secular39 it is a huge commitment but luckily we live a 5 minute drive from the pool so I can drop him off, do other things like normally take my older son to his sports then pick him up. I do have to work part time though as he has to be at the pool at 4 and we have no family members to help, when he is older he will be able to walk over by himself so this should stop being an issue. It is an expensive sport which is the main impact on our family. £70 per month training fees, when galas were up and running that could cost about £45 per gala in entrance fees. Also they can't have no time off apart from in August and have to sign a contract to that effect! Some clubs are less strict than ours and cheaper so don't let that put you off until you have researched your local club.

This may not apply to many do you- and please don't be offended when I ask.But do you think extra curricular activities is a deterrent for a child being involved in gangs/drugs or being involved in the wrong Crowd. This has been my worry since DC was in year 5 and secondary was looming. If I'm honest, I'm not really thrilled that his going to start secondary school. He would incredibly Increasingly become independent and , no offence, his demographics, a black boy, easily led, seeks the approval of others, wants to fit in with the crowd, makes him much more the likely statistic to be involved int shy sort of lifestyle.

I hate saying this and I hope it doesn't come across the wrong way.

Cripes, of course they should continue to follow their interests at secondary school if you can manage it. The more academic kids I know if anything have more extracurricular activities. Universities are full of sports, music, drama etc - while admissions may have skewed more towards academics and away from rounded interests, serious hobbies are more the norm than the exception.

Shared interests are a great way to meet people and socialise. I thought mine were unusual for not being into any sports - but they do music activities that are full of teenagers.

DD was at a day school that for a variety of reasons attracted a lot of high achieving athletes. Top swimmers, figures skaters, show jumpers, cross country running and cyclocross all British champions and some European champions.
All achieved excellent GCSE and A-level grades, my own DD pursued musical theatre ( 2choirs, 6 hours MT , singing and acting lessons and ballet and tap lessons) throughout secondary and also achieved excellent results.
What did all this kids have in common their extra curriculars had taught discipline, organisation, resilience and tenacity.
It is more than possible to have academic achievement and extra curricular excellence too they are not mutual exclusive.
If you were an employee who would you pick the person with great grades or the swim champion with great grades.

Keep up the sports UNTIL your child wants to stop.

Sports give structure, a chance to shine (especially important if academics are hard), team skills and access to a separate group of friends (helpful when you fall out with your school classmates).

My child attends a fantastic sports club that has a great record of keeping kids involved until they go to university. In our case it's not overly competitive, but the older teens can get coaching qualifications and get to travel to represent the club nationally and internationally.

Even if your son finds competitive swimming too much, staying in a recreational club could have lots of benefits.

If he loves swimming but has outgrown his current club and doesn't want to compete look for other waterbased activities. Do rookie lifesaving or waterpolo or under water hockey.

As a secondary school teacher please give him an outlet outside of school where he is 'good' at something. Secondary school is an adjustment for all year 7s and like reception children they are exhausted by October half term but they survive. For children with ADHD the many changes can be difficult during the school day, with short lunch breaks we have 15mins for break and 30mins at lunch, which isn't great for those who need to be active to self regulate. Lots of our students take part in various clubs and having something they are 'good' at to motivate them and look forward to is priceless.

As a former swim mum, yes swimming can take over your life but some clubs don't insist on 10 hours a week, DDs club had a more recreational team that only swam a few times a week for fitness who were also invited to development or low stakes galas if they wanted to as well as the seniors who were swimming at national level. It's not unusual to see older teens doing homework poolside during galas or on lap desks on the way home in the car. Students adapt and become better at time management.

I don’t know of anyone who gave up on all extra curricular activities simply because they started secondary school.
They might narrow down what they do and make a bigger commitment to the things they’ve found that they really enjoy.
I believe these extras are SO important. They give our children a whole range of different, positive things. Friendships, skills and purpose. I think they’re even more important for less academically inclined kids.
If your child is motivated to do it then let him.

x-post in answer to your last - I haven't lived around that sort of culture myself but yes surely yes, keeping busy and having a diverse social group centred around sport is bound to help them see alternatives in life.

I often wonder when unread these threads about GCSE and A-levels and universities if I went to really shitty schools since I managed to have hobbies and friends and still get good grades and decent education.