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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend allowing his friend to overhear our private conversation!

77 replies

listeningin1 · 22/04/2021 20:38

Boyfriend and I had an argument a couple of months ago on the phone, regarding concerns I have over a particular friendship of his (an ex fling turned 'female bestie'). There's a lot of context here, but I am fearful of outing as I know she reads here. To summarise, I think some of the behaviour is inappropriate, he disagrees.

The reason for the argument was that I found out that he was out at a bar with her, which he had intentionally kept hidden from me. We had a an argument on the phone, whilst they were both at the bar, where I had mentioned my concerns about their past fling. I also mentioned some other very private things during the conversation.

Months later, on the same topic of conversation, he mentions how they'd both had a laugh at the bar about my concerns over their history together and how ridiculous I was to be worried about it. Turns out she'd been able to overhear the entire conversation! I sent the following to him and then blocked him:

'X wasn't a part of that conversation, I didn't invite X to be a part of it, I didn't know X could overhear, and you should have taken it upon yourself to make sure that X couldn't hear an incredibly intimate and private conversation. Then the two of you taking it upon yourselves to have a discussion about something I was under the impression was being said in PRIVATE between you and I. This is done.'

He's now frantically trying to contact me through any means possible (email, bank transfer!!) to try and get back with me.

AIBU or is this a gross violation of our trust and my privacy?

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 22/04/2021 20:56

He wouldn't be getting back with me any time soon!

listeningin1 · 22/04/2021 21:07

@Leeds2 My thoughts exactly!

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 22/04/2021 21:11

I think YABU a bit. My partner has annoyingly done this before when he been with his mates and I've rang. But he annoyingly does the same if his mates call and I'm with him, he just puts everyone on speaker. He knows it pisses me off and doesn't do it to me now. That I know off. You are quite dramatic. Why not just have a girl chat about it.

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/04/2021 21:13

Well done. This isn't just about the facts of what happened, it's the motivation behind it. You'll never trust him with anything private again, and that's no basis for a relationship.

Don't respond.

Dragongirl10 · 22/04/2021 21:13

Dump him, that is horrible behaviour, set the bar higher, much higher.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 22/04/2021 21:15

The both of them can fuck off. I’d be livid.

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/04/2021 21:16

My partner has annoyingly done this before when he been with his mates and I've rang. But he annoyingly does the same if his mates call and I'm with him, he just puts everyone on speaker.

Then your partner needs to develop some consideration for his mates and for you. maybe it depends on the content of the call, but I don't think that's OK in all circumstances. Certainly not when the matter is private.

MinesAPintOfTea · 22/04/2021 21:16

You started an argument while you knew he was sat with her, which was your choice.

Laughing about you afterwards otoh is unacceptable.

Leeds2 · 22/04/2021 21:18

If you are going to put things on speaker, you need to tell the person you are talking to that you have done so before the conversation starts.

Bourbonic · 22/04/2021 21:18

I'd be really hurt and annoyed at him laughing over it.

However, you can't expect complete privacy when you're having a conversation conversation with someone who's in a public place. You should have spoken about it later.

MyAnacondaMight · 22/04/2021 21:22

So he was deceitful about meeting her, and then had a good laugh at your expense when confronted.

I would walk away from that sort of behaviour too, unless he happens to be impeccable in all other ways.

Sillysandy · 22/04/2021 21:22

Are you sure she could hear everything? Maybe he told her when he got off the phone and they had a good laugh at the suggestion she could be any kind of threat to your relationship.

Purpleweeks · 22/04/2021 21:23

Did you know they were at the bar when you were on the phone? I doubt you are unreasonable to dump him but I would always be cautious about the risks of being overheard during a phone conversation.

DoingItMyself · 22/04/2021 21:29

It's a betrayal. Goodbye for good.

RealisticSketch · 22/04/2021 21:40

Well poof there goes the trust, trying to tell you she's nothing for you to worry about whilst simultaneously laughing about you with her. Boundary crossing all over the place.

Cipot · 22/04/2021 21:48

Fancy laughing about your dp, putting them on speaker, whist you're with another woman. Unbelievable really.

Henio · 22/04/2021 21:49

They 'had a laugh together' about your concerns and worries, he has zero respect for you, fuck him!

mum2jakie · 22/04/2021 21:50

Nah - you're well rid. No respect for you and your feelings whatsoever!! Don't give him a second thought.

L0bstersLass · 22/04/2021 21:51

I would never trust someone that was so casual with my privacy and my feelings.
He's show you the kind of man he is. One who has a laugh about his girlfriend's feelings with his ex-fling. Unacceptable.
Of course he's trying to get back in touch with you. He wasn't expecting you to be this strong. He's learning a hard lesson very quickly.
Good on you. He's a disgrace. You deserve better. Being on your own is better.

LemonSqueezy0 · 22/04/2021 21:51

He's a prize prick. He has no consideration for you... He is telling you that, all these months later, to keep you in your place and is obviously now shocked that it tipped you over the edge. Well done for dumping him. Your instincts are on point.

toocold54 · 22/04/2021 21:52

YABU I would be hurt too but honestly I hsv

Honeybobbin · 22/04/2021 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fespital · 22/04/2021 21:53

The disrespect he's shown you would not be something I'd be interested in forgiving or forgetting. YANBU

toocold54 · 22/04/2021 21:53

I have spoken to my friends about my relationship issues and they speak to me about theirs too.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2021 21:54

Yeah that’s really bad, letting you continue knowing she’s right there listening and then laughing at you when the call ended. Then telling you they were both laughing at you together.

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