As a vegetarian...

[NorthernChickadee]

To expect my DP to clear up things he's cooked meat in himself?

Tonight he left before I finished work, left me to walk the puppy (that he nagged for!) for the tenth night in a row, to go to the gym.

Got home to find the kitchen a bomb site, all the pots, pans, countertop and stove covered in mince and a giant tub of "meal prep" cooling on the side. I'm not one of those vegetarians that minds people eating meat at all, but the smell and texture makes me gag and I don't expect to have to clear it up.

I've thrown the "meal prep" out and scrubbed the kitchen.

AIBU to insist on a meat free household from now on?

‘ I’m also a vegetarian and we do have a meat free house but you were so wrong to throw out his food, are you always this mean?‘

Is dh always mean in leaving a shit tip of a kitchen, contaminated for his vegetarian partner, leaving a puppy that needs care and attention. I say this as a meat eating current non pet owner. You have a dh problem, I that he is considering no one but himself. He wanted a dog to cuddle snd put on sm(for you to look after and train) he wants to batch cook (and you can clean up after). Are you his maid with benefits!!!!

Exactly that @Angrypregnantlady !

Yes.....very unreasonable and very controlling to think of banning meat in the house. Ridiculous in fact! Can't believe you'd consider trying to control someone like that.....and I can't believe some people are encouraging you. Wow!

You’re a strange sort of vegetarian if you felt justified in throwing away food made with animal products because the kitchen was a mess, thereby entirely ensuring that the lives involved were completely wasted. Yes. The tautology is deliberate to make a point.

@firstimemama not every choice needs to be respected.

You're both idiots I'm afraid.

Him for being a selfish fvck womble.

You for throwing out his food. That's completely destroyed your moral high ground, is wasteful and childish.

Could his POV be ... (and it might not be, we only have a snapshot)...

Hard day of work, batch cooked a load of food, left it to cool, had gym booked at 6pm (and due to covid you have to get there bang on 6 or you can't get in), so had to leave mess to do later. Came back to find partner had thrown all my food out and is now saying I can't eat what I want in my/our house, only what she says I can have.

I'm a strict veggie of over 30 years who was accommodating to a now-exH about cooking and (him) eating meat/fish and now our DC. Your current (D)H was a selfish fuck - how dare he cook, wreck the kitchen and go off leaving that mess. And not deal with the dog. I would also have thrown out the food. That is disrespectful totally. As a single parent I have to manage cross-contamination myself and it is tricky juggling both diets. He owes you a bloody big apology and real focus on his conduct going forward.

@firstimemamma

I'm a vegetarian but prepare and cook meat for DP and ds because I respect their choices.

People are vegetarian for a multitude of reasons. Assuming that you are vegetarian for either animal rights or environmental reasons then preparing or handling meat for you is obviously not as much of an issue as say, somebody who doesn’t eat meat because they have sensory issues around it, don’t like the smell, taste, or the idea of eating meat. If you fell into the latter category then obviously your partner leaving minced up raw meat all over the countertops would be them not respecting your choices to avoid animal products wouldn’t it?

OP - YANBU IMO. Although this is bigger than just the meat eating/vegetarian aspect. The dog and the mess (even if veggie) are issues to be addressed. Rather than throw the food away, I would be considering binning DP...

@arethereanyleftatall but he should know that his wife has sensory issues with the smell - also that she’ll want to make
dinner. And he left her to walk his dog.

I have ADD and am always getting distracted etc leading to situations like this. My solution was to make dinner at off-peak times or if I caught up to 6 (when my housemates would want kitchen) I’d let them know. I’d never just leave a mess for someone to find - it’s disgusting. And raw meat everywhere is highly unsanitary.

What did he say when he realised you chucked the food out?

In my relationship I'd say Jesus you've made a massive mess and it stinks you need to clean it up. Open the windows I'm gonna go read a book (or something) tell me when you're finished.

Or something.

My DH would do it though it's hard to know what to say when no one knows either of you.

Sounds like he's a lazy sod with the dog etc.

No way in hell would I scrub someone else's mess up unless they were a toddler or something.

For me the issue isn't meat or no meat it's that he thinks he can leave his mess of any description for you to clear up, leave his dog for you to walk and swan off.

He nagged for a dog. Why on earth are you walking it every day?

I'd not be happy and I would be talking this through with him when he got home from the gym.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Does she cook meat for other people? How does she manage to taste the food to check for seasoning, and that it’s properly cooked etc?

Well she just knows her timings on the meat and tastes the sauces around. It's just the meat she doesn't like. Or she doesn't taste when it's mince and similar and asks someone to taste it.

It's possible to cook without tasting it (though super hard), there was even a contestant on one of the masterchefs who didn't eat pork, but managed to cook it in the task. If i remember correctly she asked someone to taste it for her.

That sounds pretty tedious, tbf.

That sounds pretty tedious, tbf.

She is fine with it. It was her choice to provide all foods to her family. Her dh can cook too so they keep swapping.

I would assume this isn't the first time he has gone off leaving a mess, hence the (over)reaction. A Big Talk needed, I think.
I ruled out meat eaters as I wouldn't want to live with one long term; sadly was harder to spot "messy" in advance of forming a relationship.

He didn't need to do to the gym. If he is sharing a house with another person (the OP) then he has responsibilities to clean up after himself, and walk his own dog, before he clocks off to do something for himself only. I don't blame OP for losing her cool when she was cleaning up his mess.

Gross. He should have tidied up. I'm veggie and my DH has always been happy to eat what I cook and just have meat when we eat out. However when we were both working from home in the first lockdown, he had a phase of cooking old fashioned meaty comfort food for himself- think oxtail, lamb shank and ham hock. House stank. Luckily the novelty wore off (possible due to the copious amounts of extra washing up, scary meat sweats and ridiculous flatulence)

YANBU. Gross