to think that the life of pre-school age children is NOT all about 'getting ready fo school'?

[Astrophe]

My DD is 3. I stared taking her to a kiddie gymnastics type thing - 45 minute session once a week in September, thinking she would enjoy it. She doesn't. She has given it a really good try I think - she went all of last half term, and one week this half term. But she finds it very upsetting - no idea why.

When I told them his week that I wasn't going to bring her any more, I copped a lecture from the ladies who run it about how DD "needs to learn to stick at things" and how she "wont get on at school" if she doesn't learn to separate from me better (she is fine elsewhere btw) and that its important for school that children attend these sorts of groups.

It makes me so angry that they think they know my child better than me, but what upsets me more is the attitude that everything a pre-school age child does needs to be preparation for school.

Life as a three year old is important in its own right, not just as practice for being 4! I see this attitude everywhere - friends giving their pre-school DC worksheets 'to prepare them for school' and taking them to so many activities in order to 'build their stamina for school'

Childhood is so fleeting and so precious, it just makes me so sad.

I don't think its helped by the fact that children start school 2 years too early in this country (imho).

So AIBU? Am I setting my child up to be 'unprepared' for school and hence an abysmal failure in life???

Toxic childhood - the book I think you all must read

Naturally,...............

.. and aromatherapy/foot massage/treatment of choice once a month on the NHS (snigger)

...............and childcare for free whilst enjoying it!!

Funny you should say that - I have actually had an aromatherapy massage curtesy of NHS, and spent the whole time feeling very uncomfy at the thought of mothers giving birth on the floor, whilst money was being spent on my massage rather than hospital beds! (so we will have to borrow lots of money from Japan to finance these plans )

Listen.....you pay your taxes same as they do dear & denying yourself a massage won't make them spend money on beds!!!

Which lovely health authority is that then?

bossy packing bags

Tell them to sod off
It's nothing to do with them - your DD will be fine xxx

you are so not being unreasonable, i couldnt agree more. Everyone keeps telling me DD is "ready for nursery" and why dont i just send her two mornings a week, it will be a break for me!! FFS - she is only 2.4. yes she is a bright little girl, we do go to lots of M&T groups and she enjoys it. The whole babygym thing is too structured for the more free spirited of our children. I personally would have told the stupid cows that your DD has no problems with separating from you, she just doesnt like THEM!!

The thing is every child is different, which is lovely, so you have to find the right thing for your child & only YOU know what that is!

Anna, you do make a good point, some children really thrive in a structured environment. I actually think my DD, when i can bring myself to let her go to nursery will do much better in one with a more rigid routine as she does seem happier when she knows what is going to be happening and needs constant stimulation. I'm not so sure about the learning goals, i pushed DD1 too hard at school and she completely rebelled. I also witnessed a friends children nearly having nervous break downs about SATS and the 11+. A constant round of work sheets and homework. Stuff that, its competitive motherhood gone mad.

That is so true bossy britches.

LEM we usually find children do thrive on a structure as they feel secure with that, but balanced with lots of free-play & freedom of choice within well defined boundaries.

There's an approach called High/Scope which we use & it encourages children to develop at their own pace & takes them forward from where they are, rather than trying to structure activites purely around the OFSTED goals. It's fantastic for encouraging learning through play so if you can find a nursery in your area that does it, it might suit your child.We find it works well, but it might not suit everyone.

a link if you are interested

no no NO! YANBU !! this dance class woman was obviously not wanting you to let you dd leave BECOS SHE WANTS URE MONEY!

YOU know you child, your thoughts are completely right, she was't enjoying it, so you let her stop going. with my first 2 ds, i only sent them to nursery a couple of times a week, for half days, as i was a sahm. i thought that was enough for them, i wanted to spend time with them. so many people said to me and commented about why i had'nt sent them for a full day "to get them ready for school" what a complete load of rubbish. needless to say ,they settled into school with no problems whatsoever. just do what feels right for you and you dd.ignore everyone else unless you really value their opinion

Quite right bubble- it does bother me that so many mothers these days seemed pressurised by media/peers/school yard gossip into pushing their little ones from such an early age. You can see threads on here

"Should he be toilet trained (at barely 2!!)"

"Should she be eating /walking/talking more, faster/earlier?

People are not allowing for the fact that every child is different so it dosen't matter really when you do what as long as you are both happy & there is progression, at the child's own rate which will be different from his peers at times.

We don't seem to be able to just enjoy them as babes & tots any more... it's so sad!

I'm a childminder (as well as a parent!) - you don't need to worry about what your children are doing once they are 3 years old as the new guidelines for childminders, nurseries, etc. means we have to do planning, observations and a "curriculum" from birth. Three year olds are positively "old" in comparison. (I am not a happy childminder!)

TP absolute bollocks isn't it??

(sorry did I say that out loud??)

curriculum from birth What does it involve???

YANBU. If she does not like the group then you are right to stop taking her. She does not have to go to these sort of groups tp get on at school.

Astrophe - for me, as a childminder, it means making written observations of the children, lots more planning, yet more paperwork and another nervous breakdown.

I will quote from the EYFS (Early Years Foundation Stage) pack:

It will "set the Standards for Learning, Development and Care for children from birth to five". Yes, folks, from birth!!!

The document "sets out all the legal requirements of the EYFS relating to Learning, Development and Welfare. It includes detailed information on providers' obligations under the framework."

Any parents who don't use childminders or nurseries for their babies will obviously be failing their children miserably, as you won't be educating them appropriately!!

aStrophe - the Scottish system is similar to the Australian from what you're saying. Oldest children are March and potentially 5.5, youngest are February, so at least 4.5 when they start school. But a lot of December/Jan/Feb children will start the following year at 5.5 instead.

I deliberately didn't send ds to nursery until he was just turned 4 for his pre school year and was the only mum in our playgroup bar one who did so. All the rest had started at 2 "to prepare them for school".

Even then I felt forced to use all 5 morning sessions.

You got it TP - lots more paperwork = less time playing with the children.

Just out of interest can you, as a CM opt out of OFSTED supervision for all but the care side? Or are yo ustiched up in order to get your registration?

(sorry Apos..... Hijack there)

Hmmm ... opt out of Ofsted supervision ... what a lovely idea! Unfortunately, no we can't and, if you read any of the posts on the childminder threads, you will soon find out just how unhappy many CMs are with Ofsted. Being a "good" childminder, in their eyes, can only be proved with paperwork.

To answer the original post - I am a great believer in not forcing a child to do something they are not happy with. I know people argue that everyone has to learn to "live in the real world", but that is pretty meaningless to a small child. Let them enjoy their childhood.

My son has always been to private "day care" nursery, and as long as he's happy and safe, that's all I want. Many mums there are the same, will keep their child there till they start school. I am astounded at those who pull them out of this nursery where they have adult and child freidns, to move them to state nurseries for 2.5 days, often at great inconvenience, to "prepare them for school". nursery does nominally do that, often gets lowish marks from OFSTED for that category (as oppose to safe, happy childcare) and I'm DELIGHTED they do!

kissess micras feet

Lord wish there were more like you Micra!!

We get fed up of people who do that "prepare for school" bit after we have helped to nurture the babes then they get upskittled by attending 2 settings at once & it doesn't benefit them.The thing is they can still use their vouchers for 2.5 days with us anyway!!

One of my DS's (2.1) favourite books is (a very old) 'Spot starts school'. On Spot's first day they do singing, painting, dressing up, time in the playground, reading, 'show and tell', playing with blocks etc etc. Not a worksheet in sight! And this is School, not pre-school!

DS loves the book and he loves all the activities, but I'm getting more and more doubtful that that is actually what it will be like for him as and when (and if!) he does start nursery (or even if all the activities are there, they'll be in an atmosphere of 'you must achieve!').

I'm a SAHM at the moment and I love it, and really the only reason I can see for putting him in nursery is for my benefit, to give me a break. We do loads of 'learning', he knows lots of colours and songs, we do at least one social play activity/group a day, including ones where I leave him for a period of time etc etc. At the moment I feel like I don't particularly want a break from him (although I might feel differently when no.2 is born in March, lol!).