AIBU?
Are some couples more in love than others?
LeopardSheet · 20/04/2021 22:06
I love my husband, I’ve never doubted I’m in love with him and we have a great relationship (don’t fight much, best friends, good sex life, make eachother laugh, want to grow old together) but we are fairly low key about it. We don’t do public displays of affection or write deep declarations of love in birthday cards/Facebook statuses etc. A lot of my friends are similar with their partners-very happy together but if you spend time with them they just seem like 2 friends together mostly.
Then there is the occasional couple that are so obviously in love you can see it when you spend time with them-they can’t keep their hands off each other even after years, you can tell by the way they look at each other or they write gushing Facebook posts, refer to eachother as soulmates etc.
Do you think that this is just a personality thing (some people are more expressive than others) or do you think these couples have found a connection/deeper love than average, standard but still in love couples. And the rest of us don’t know what we’re missing because the love we have is still amazing and we’ve never experienced this “higher” level?
I ran into an old friend recently with her “new” husband of 6 years and I was quite surprised by the chemistry between them/the obvious love was like a cheesy movie. Apparently it was love at first sight when they met too. I looked up this friend on Facebook and her profile was full of gushing messages and photos of her husband.
When I knew her years ago she was married (and I knew her with her university boyfriend before that) and she was always quite a private,low key person not the type to be dramatic/romantic and never did public displays of affection with her partner.
In case this sounds negative I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all, it’s lovely to see people in love.
Does anyone else see couples that seem to be more crazily in love than other (happy, also in love) couples? Do you think these people are just very lucky and actually are more in love or are they just more public/expressive about their love and their feelings for eachother are the same as couples that are more quiet/less romantic with eachother but still happy?
Pedalpushers · 20/04/2021 22:14
I think love can feel different with different people, but also people have different love languages for how they express it, some of which are more obvious to other people. I don't think there is some higher level of love I'm missing out on, no, and as I don't believe in love at first sight whatsoever I'm inclined to believe your soppy friend is experiencing infatuation, not bonded love, which is much more touchy feels and overwhelming.
LagneyandCasey · 20/04/2021 22:15
There's always going to be different levels of lovey-dovey-ness over the course if a relationship. There's a big high in the first few years, usually. It's hard to sustain it forever. Once you have dc for example, especially in those early no sleep years/months. Or if there are health issues or just over the natural passage of time when you are still together but don't need constant reassurance.
LeopardSheet · 20/04/2021 22:17
I always just thought it was a personality thing it just struck me as odd when I saw this friend with her new husband as I’ve known her to be in happy long term loving relationships before and this seemed like a different spark/energy between them and she wrote a lot of things like “everything changed when I met you I’ve never known love like this” which I can’t imagine her doing if Facebook had been around when I knew her. But obviously people’s personalities change over time.
She was just so sensible before that it made me wonder if this could happen to anyone-you could go from being not very romantic/affectionate to a gushing romantic shouting about your love if you met someone just unbelievable who changed all your previous perceptions of love.
I’m very happy to never experience this though and stay in my quietly loving relationship with my husband forever.
kickergoes · 20/04/2021 22:19
I think there will be an element of some people being more in love than others sure, even in the same relationship! But I don't think you can measure it from looks alone, some people are just more expressive. My DH is not a lovey dovey person at all, not particularly tactile, I don't think he'd be any different with any other woman! He shows his love in other ways.
Spottyphonecase · 20/04/2021 22:19
I’ve been with my husband for over 25 years. I love him dearly and truly believe he is my soul mate. We are a very lovey dovey couple at home and in our texts to each other. We aren’t when we go out - we hold hands and he may put his arm around me but we aren’t all over each other. I don’t feel we need to be. We feel 100% secure in our relationship and we don’t need to show that off in front of others.
I have friends who constantly write posts about their husbands. I don’t think any of them are more in love than what we are they just express it differently. I have noticed the ones who write the gushy posts are the ones who put the photos of everything on Facebook as if it was a diary.
mermaidsariel · 20/04/2021 22:21
Often the people who gush about their love and their perfect relationship are the ones who end up divorced in the end. The quiet ones who get in with it often have hidden depths.
Also many relationships which are fiery and passionate at first seem to burn out quickly.
AlrightTreacle · 20/04/2021 22:25
Obviously everyone is different, and every relationship is different. Personally I've been in love with 2 people and both relationships were very different.
Gushing Facebook posts just remind me of a dog pissing on their territory, rather than a truly loved up couple though.
Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2021 22:30
Well of course some couples are more ‘in love’. Some couples barely even tolerate each other!
Apart from that it’s done to personality. Also what you see is often different from what they will be like in private.
My parents are not particularly publicly affectionate or gushing but I would never question what they mean to each other. They have a strong and happy marriage that has lasted over 40 years.
I’m actually a bit wary of gushing couples. Especially on Facebook. Who’s all the public gushing for??
MrsTulipTattsyrup · 20/04/2021 22:32
@Spottyphonecase
I have friends who constantly write posts about their husbands. I don’t think any of them are more in love than what we are they just express it differently. I have noticed the ones who write the gushy posts are the ones who put the photos of everything on Facebook as if it was a diary.
Exactly the same for me, too.
I’m always suspicious that people who gush over each other on SM are protesting a bit too much, too!
vannyy · 20/04/2021 22:32
DH & I get teased by friends as we hug & hold hands a lot or often just look at each other. We met at uni so been together more than 15 yrs & he still gives me butterflies. DH doesn't do social media though & I barely use it, would never post a gushing tribute.
PRsecrets · 20/04/2021 22:36
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Candycane57 · 20/04/2021 22:47
There are different types of love, and expressions of love. I'm very much in love with my husband, we kiss and hold hands in public but I don't gush about him online or to people I chat to. I gush to my best friend as she does to me about her wife. Private and public displays of love aren't indicators of true feelings.
Obviously some couples aren't in love- you don't have to be in love to be in a relationship but even those who aren't in love may like each other more than those who are
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