Are some couples more in love than others?

[LeopardSheet]

I love my husband, I’ve never doubted I’m in love with him and we have a great relationship (don’t fight much, best friends, good sex life, make eachother laugh, want to grow old together) but we are fairly low key about it. We don’t do public displays of affection or write deep declarations of love in birthday cards/Facebook statuses etc. A lot of my friends are similar with their partners-very happy together but if you spend time with them they just seem like 2 friends together mostly.
Then there is the occasional couple that are so obviously in love you can see it when you spend time with them-they can’t keep their hands off each other even after years, you can tell by the way they look at each other or they write gushing Facebook posts, refer to eachother as soulmates etc.
Do you think that this is just a personality thing (some people are more expressive than others) or do you think these couples have found a connection/deeper love than average, standard but still in love couples. And the rest of us don’t know what we’re missing because the love we have is still amazing and we’ve never experienced this “higher” level?

I ran into an old friend recently with her “new” husband of 6 years and I was quite surprised by the chemistry between them/the obvious love was like a cheesy movie. Apparently it was love at first sight when they met too. I looked up this friend on Facebook and her profile was full of gushing messages and photos of her husband.
When I knew her years ago she was married (and I knew her with her university boyfriend before that) and she was always quite a private,low key person not the type to be dramatic/romantic and never did public displays of affection with her partner.
In case this sounds negative I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all, it’s lovely to see people in love.
Does anyone else see couples that seem to be more crazily in love than other (happy, also in love) couples? Do you think these people are just very lucky and actually are more in love or are they just more public/expressive about their love and their feelings for eachother are the same as couples that are more quiet/less romantic with eachother but still happy?

[ShatnersWig]

There's no question I'm head over heels with my partner. There was a totally different click from day one than with my ex. Friends say they never seen me so obviously happy, not just when we're together but generally.

But we don't do statuses about each other for all to read on Facebook. We just tell each other, because it doesn't need to be broadcast to all and sundry.

[Pinchoftums]

I was in a zoom.chat with my teenage boyfriend (from 30 odd years ago) and lots of old mates. He and his wife were both in screen and it was obvious how in love they are. They have been together 20 years and you could see the warmth and love for each other from they way they spoke and look at each other. It was lovely to see them so happy.

[Kiitos]

I don’t think displaying affection like that means people are more ‘in love’ than people who don’t. I have encountered men who are very very affectionate on first/early dates and it puts me off them. If I was like that too, I can see how 2 tactile people could end up in a relationship with lots of displays of affection, but they don’t necessarily mean a lot. But of course some couples are more in love than others, you only need to read these boards to realise that some hate each other.

[trevthecat]

I think it's personality. I love my partner very much. We get married in a few weeks (we are going alone) it's not a secret, our families know, but we haven't put it on social media. We don't put much online anyway. But we are very affectionate, very gushy with eachother, very obviously together and in love. Just not online

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity

In my experience the gushy couples are the most likely to split sooner! It smacks of anxiety in your relationship.

Couldn't agree more. I see it most with people who need to constantly reassure themselves. People who constantly say "I love you" just to hear it said back rather than just being comfortable and knowing they love each other. The public displays of affection are nauseating.

[Onlinedilema]

Gushing on social media means nothing.
Some couples do love each other more than others though it's true. Some people just go through the motions of staying together because it's the easier option. I feel the same about lots of parents. They sit on their phones, ignoring their children, probably posting on social media about how much they love them, whilst ignoring them.
Then they have another kid because it's the done thing.

[ForeverAintEnough12]

I think it’s a mix of personality bit also experience of previous relationships. You say @LeopardSheet you knew your friend in loving relationships before and she wasn’t the same but obviously those relationships weren’t that great and ended. Maybe what she has now and was finding while you were in a happy relationship is the same as what you have. But to her it’s so much more as previously she was ‘in love’ in mediocre relationships.

Someone brought up mothers and children. I also do wonder about what kind of relationships were in some of these women’s lives before they had children. Especially the ones who say their children ‘gave them a reason to live’ ‘are their only reason for getting up in the morning’ whether those people had stable loving relationships before or of their children are the only experience of love they’ve had. The one girl I do know like this was a total party girl, wild and got off the rails. Settled down and had a child and proclaimed online her entire life and everything she has experienced before her child was born was meaningless (felt a bit bad for her husband)

[GreenSlide]

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.That is just being in love, which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

– Louis de Bernieres

[Silverfly]

I know what you mean OP.

DH and I have been together for 24 years. I love and respect him very much and I'm sure he does me. I take gushy Facebook posts with a pinch of salt, but I do sometimes come across a description of true love in a book or something and wonder if some people experience a sort of higher level of love, or if it's just that they have a way with words in writing about it. I guess I'll never know for sure!

[ForeverAintEnough12]

@GreenSlide

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.That is just being in love, which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

– Louis de Bernieres

Love this. Had it read at my wedding.

[THisbackwithavengeance]

Came on to say that anyone over the age of about 25 who feels the need to gush on Facebook is trying way too hard and needs to convince themselves and others.

I do agree however that some couples are more in love than others and a lot of couples stay together for the sake of DCs, entwined finances and sheer convenience.

[GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam]

I think FB displays of how much you love someone mask real life.... eg my partner's ex posted almost everything they ever did over their 8/9 year relationship. I had a snoop and reading it sounded like the most love up couple - reality was different and they split several years ago. It was a type of showing off look at me/what we are doing/ etc... some people need that and that's up to them. It's the airbrushed, best face scenario and quite often appears to be fake.

It's not me. Social media and real life are not the same.

[GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam]

@lovablequalities

I have a Facebook friend (ex work colleague) who posts at least once a week about how amazing her husband is and they are soulmates and he's so gorgeous and fabulous so on. I find it utterly mortifying. She's 15 years younger than him and his second wife/family so I wonder sometimes if she's reassuring herself a bit. I don't know. That's just how they do their relationship I suppose.

I find the relentless slagging of husbands and partners that some people do pretty mortifying too. A current work colleague is always going on about how useless her bloke is. I feel really sorry for him. He cannae do right for doing wrong.

Similar to my partner's ex. I think she was trying to say to his first wife that they have it perfect etc - insecurity who knows. They split. I would never post similar things it's not me at all. Who knows what tomorrow brings anyway, life for the moment and not for social media likes.

I also agree - why the need to slag off ex's etc etc.... move on

[Whoopsies]

In my experience most people I know who are genuinely happy in their relationship have zero about it on sm. I never post about my husband, I just don't need the world to know, but I love him very a lot. 13 years together and I still get excited for him to come home from work each night.

[Pepperminttea16]

I know what you mean and I think me and my partner are a bit like that. We don’t do social media really so don’t gush to other people but people do comment on our relationship because it is obvious from spending time with us without excessive public displays of affection that we are best friends. Some couples you can just tell are closer than others and I think various things affect that including how long people have known each other and their experiences as a couple.

I have known couples that outwardly displayed a lot of affection but ultimately didn’t have a very good friendship and they ultimately broke up.

[whatswithtodaytoday]

The most lovely-dovey on Facebook couple I knew are in the middle of a messy divorce, so I wouldn't take everything you see as true.

Personally I think as you settle into a life together it's far nicer to be friends rather than have the highs and lows of a romantic relationship, and especially once children come along. But everyone is different. I do think sometimes it's one person who demands that 'performance' of love.

[Fairyliz]

Usually in my experience it’s couples who have got together after an affair. They have to prove to their partner, the world and themselves that their love is somehow ‘special’ and intended to be by cosmic forces, to ignore all of the pain they have caused.
I am old and cynical though.

[mermaidsariel]

Three people I have known who have posted wedding photos of themselves and lots of gushy messages about how wonderful their relationship is split shortly afterwards .

[SquarePeggyLeggy]

I’m very in love with my husband. I’m not all over him because I’m a prickly, easily irritated type person, and I feel touched out by the kids (who I also adore) and their needs for physical affection. I’m not all that into it for myself, but I truly adore all of them. You wouldn’t see it in public.
My husband doesn’t use social media at all and is a modest sort of fellow. He is utterly devoted to us all, he shows it by acts of service.
I’d say we’re privately very in love.

[MrsSchrute]

Some couples are more in love than others.

Some couples are more public in their displays of affection than others.

The two groups are not always the same.

I don't think there is much of a link between how in love a couple are and how demonstrative they are. The most loved up couple I know are very private.

[mewkins]

I think these are two different things. Ignore the social media/gushing aspect, of course there are couples who are more in love than others, because there are so many different types of people and relationships. Some couples barely like each other and show complete contempt, bicker, snap in public, etc. Others are more like old friends which is fine, others don't want any more than companionship. It is fairly easy to spot those couples who are really happy with each other - they don't gush but they just show consideration and respect and speak very highly about their partner and you can tell they genuinely realise how lucky they are to have them.

[steppemum]

I find your OP a little strange.

You seem to say that open and public expressions of affection, people who gaze into each other's eyes and can't keep their hands off each other are somehow more in love than a couple who don't.

I don't understand this.
The depth and power of a feeling is not related to whether I like to touch the other person in public.
What people gush about on FB or in cards etc is not related to the depth of the feeling.

I think of my grandparents. I never doubted their deep love and commitment for each other, I only saw them express it once, on their golden wedding when my GF did a speech.

So, while there certainly are different loves, different types of loving and that couples do not all love the same way, I would not use the public expression of affection as the barometer that I measured that by

[moomoomummy]

I know exactly what you mean. I could have written this myself. My husband and I have a good relationship . We are friends , we laugh and I enjoy his company . I want to grow old with him and do not want to be with anyone else. I don't get butterflies when I see him, we don't have amazing sex ( we have ok sex), I don't miss him when I am not with him and I love spending time without him . Like you, I am delighted with him. he is kind, funny and has same values as me. I do think that some couples are more in love than I am but that's life. I think , compared to all the couples I know we are doing ok.

[B33Fr33]

Some couples communicate well and it shows when you see them together. I think love is something that comes and goes for a lot of people, there's also puts and falls in lust etc. All of these together, at differently observed points can be telling about a relationship but also very misleading.
I wouldn't go comparing a relationship, it's probably just a sign that something needs improving in your relationship a reminder to communicate more, or be present etc.

[UniversitySerf]

We never did much on social media I think we have wished each other Happy Birthday. I have stopped using it as just found it all a bit shallow.
When out and about we often link arms or hold hands. He is for me my true other half, we have been together for about 23 years. I like having men as friends but found them incredibly irritating as partners . I am still surprised I found one I really liked enough to spend my life with. That was definitely a me not them situation.