...to ask you at what age do you think 2 girls could be left alone overnight?

[Bunnyfuller]

...posting for traffic, and yes, all kids are different.

It would be an overnight, but about 200 miles from us. No family local.

Presuming they get on and are generally cheerful sensible types i would be baffled if I couldn’t leave them together from the younger being 13/14 plus.

I lived alone at 16 as did many friends. The old housing benefits did at least develop capability. I am horrified at 18+ suggestions. That’s an adult!

I went to my first festival at 15 with other 15/16 year old friends. We went for 3 nights and we survived. No way at that age would I wake up and feel spooked that my parents weren’t in the house. They’ll be fine. Best have someone on standby though for when they throw a party and trash the house

Would they be happy being left alone @Bunnyfuller ?

My parents went abroad for a week with my sibling when I was 15 leaving me home alone but this was in the 90s and the nosy neighbour lived across the road. Nosy neighbour did let himself in the back door (he had a spare key and the dog just let him in) early one morning to check on the place. He double locked the backdoor which we never do in case of fire which is how I knew someone had been in and I spent the rest of the week terrified sleeping with a bread knife under my pillow. Only found out it was him a week after my parents got back.

They left my sibling and I to go away for the weekend from when I was 17 and sibling was 12. It was the done things our social circle.

I would leave my eldest from 15/16, if he is responsible enough at that age.

@paralysedbyinertia

I can't honestly remember Mum saying much! I was mid 20s at the time, and was really concerned about the 14 year old. It was the late 80s and no one had mobiles. Their mother had gone off with some bloke and it took ages to track her down, I seem to remember. They turned out to be a lovely family, but utterly dysfunctional in the three years I lived next to them.

Mum once shacked up with a 20 year old ex bf of the older sister which caused lots of rows, and I once drove her about 30 miles to a vet on a Sunday afternoon because their Yorkshire terrier fell off the sofa and gave itself a heart attack!

(Or possibly had a heart attack and fell off the sofa during it, in retrospect).

I hadn't thought about them in years, bless them! I guess the 14 year old is mid to late 40s now!

@Dipi79

13+14.

Wtf!

Tbh, barring medical issues, if I couldn’t leave a 15 or 16yo overnight I’d feel like a failure

DD1 was babysitting for other people younger than that.

The only thing that would make me query your doing it is - 200 miles is a long way for a first overnighter alone and leaving them together.

You need to know how they’ll be alone together. Will the older one try and pull rank? Is one likely to wind up the other? Etc.

These things need to be built up to before they go off to uni or start work full time imo. Too many kids get over mollycoddled until just before 18 then people are shocked and surprised that they’re clueless and struggle away from home or without an adult in charge making all the decisions.

13+ for the younger

That's how old I was with first overnights.

It's one night, they should be fine with all the relevant contact details.

I think that’s fine BUT, unlike other posters I’m going to say that you don’t leave the older child ‘looking after’ the younger.

Make them both responsible for themselves

I was left for one night when i was 15 (no siblings) because I had exams but lovely next door neighbour. Then two weeks when I was 16 because I didn't want to go abroad. Bliss and i had a couple of my friends over most nights and we would just play card games and eat.

@RolloverRollover

We are Beds/Northants border.

Somehow we must’ve brought up the best behaved teens. Neither of them are into the partying type thing, they don’t associate with those groups at school. Eldest is very study focused/animal crossing, Sims etc and the youngest’s idea of a good weekend is spending all day in bed with snacks on tap!

Both are in small friendship groups of similar minded girls.

I think the local trial run is the best idea.

I just wouldn't

Sounds like your latest plan is sensible - I'd have thought something closer to home was ideal for the age/stage your girls are at, and sounds as though you and your DH thoroughly deserve a night away!

To clarify my last response...

First, I think you need to be aware that the NSPCC guidance is that under-16s shouldn't be left overnight. If nothing happens, fine. If something does happen, you may get the police/social services sniffing around, rightly or wrongly.

That said, a 15 and 16 year old would probably be ok. I personally would wait till both are 16 as I wouldn't be able to relax going against the NSPCC guidelines (and worrying I might get into trouble) so I wouldn't enjoy myself.

Second, 200 miles is a long way away for a first overnight stay. I would agree with PPs suggesting a trial run first where you are closer to home. Alternatively, make sure someone trusted is much closer and 'on call' to help.

Third, it depends on where you live and how safe it is.

Fourth, even the best-behaved kids can get into trouble.

My two are younger and definitely not old enough to be left overnight yet but a similar age gap (11 and 13, albeit the 11yo is very nearly 12). I've been leaving them for a couple of hours max since they were 9 and 11 and we've never had a problem but I'm still wary of leaving them a full day in the holidays. Might try from this summer, when the 11yo is 12. At 15 and 16 I doubt I'd leave them overnight - at 16 and 17 I probably would.

Such an eye opener as to how general thinking has changed over the last forty years or so.

My sister was six years older than me (and very responsible), I really don't remember how old she was when we were left together.

When she went of to Uni at 18, I was 12 and took over many of her regular babysitting engagements. Twelve was entirely accepted.

In OP's position, I would not have the first time away so far away. It must be possible to have a night away somehow before then , in the UK people can stay overnight in self contained accommodation now. I'm sure there will be Airbnb bargains to be had now.

A trial run would take some of the pressure off the amazing weekend away. Good luck.

Tbh it wasn’t getting away overnight that was the aim. We saw a special offer BB and 6 course meal at a beautiful hotel. It was the whole experience rather than just getting away for a night. The hotel it is offered at isn’t part of a chain and the location is actually 112 miles from us (just googled).

Guess we’ll wait a bit. Can’t help wondering how the law sits if it’s a teenage mum and her baby though?

wondering how the law sits

I would be very, very surprised if there is an actual law, rather than just guidelines on age from charities.

I was 15 and alone for about 3 weeks, parents several thousand miles away! Siblings (early 20s ) were supposed to keep an eye on me (both lived away) which they did for 3 of the 6 weeks summer holiday. But for the remaining 3 glorious weeks I was completely alone.

The difference to me is whether there is someone at hand. So we have great neighbours, a friend down the road is a policeman and my best friend lives round the corner.

On that basis I left ds when he was 15 and half for 3 days. I checked in with him through that, but he was fine.
And, another key point, he knew the neighbours would tell me if he had a party.

But he is very mature, independent and happy to be left.

Once one of them is 16, they are then officially in charge, so as long as you can trust them, there is no reason why 16 and 15 shouldn't be left for one night.

law
England - none
Scotland - under 16 illegal.

the English law has a phrase along the lines of 'of a suitable age' or 'able to look after yourself'
It is generally considered to be around 14-16, depending on circumstances

@steppemum

law England - none Scotland - under 16 illegal.

the English law has a phrase along the lines of 'of a suitable age' or 'able to look after yourself'
It is generally considered to be around 14-16, depending on circumstances

Mygov.Scot states that there is no set legal age at which you can leave a child home alone

Justlyra - it has changed then

A friend of my dad was taken to court for leaving his 15 year old rugby playing 6'2" son one evening without a babysitter.

18 plus only. Don’t want any rapscallion activity in the house I made that mistake

@steppemum

Justlyra - it has changed then

A friend of my dad was taken to court for leaving his 15 year old rugby playing 6'2" son one evening without a babysitter.

Did something happen?

The only person I know that was ever done for leaving a teenager home alone was one who’s teen was injured in a repeat of an accident they’d had twice before, so the parent knew the risk was there.

16 & 18 - but the 18y/o would want to be out with his mates and the 16y/o would hate being alone in the house.

Ordinarily I'd let 16 y/o have a friend stay over if the 18y/o was at least around, but obviously at the moment we can't have overnight guests due to covid.

I was left alone for a week at 14 when my Mum went on holiday. I was totally fine, my best friend stayed with me all week and we had a laugh. I don’t think I’d do this with my own DC but I’m probably too precious. For me it would be 16+.