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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask you at what age do you think 2 girls could be left alone overnight?

133 replies

Bunnyfuller · 20/04/2021 18:42

...posting for traffic, and yes, all kids are different.

It would be an overnight, but about 200 miles from us. No family local.

OP posts:
Ohnomoreno · 20/04/2021 19:07

Seems fine to me.

BrieAndChilli · 20/04/2021 19:08

Other option would be to get them a room in the same place where they can order room service and do face masks etc. You can relax knowing if any issues you can get to them and they can have a fun evening

amarya · 20/04/2021 19:10

You don't need to go 200 miles away for a break! Go somewhere local the first time you leave them overnight.

FAQs · 20/04/2021 19:11

I’m a single parent and had to leave my 16 year old overnight on two occasions for one night for work, she pretty much does the same thing, eats, sleeps and watches Netflix, like another, I’d moved out at 17, sure they’ll be fine, enjoy your night away.

Original poster
Bunnyfuller · 20/04/2021 19:12

Neither of them are party girls, their biggest fault is their screen time! I do have a couple of people close by I trust if they needed someone...

I dunno!

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 20/04/2021 19:15

I wouldn't head 200 miles away from a 15 and 16 year old personally.

If there is an emergency it's a very long drive home. (5 or 6 hours?)

Will you be drinking? Would you be able to throw everything in the car and just head home if one rings you to say the other one has:-

*got a burst appendix
*taken an overdose
*locked herself in bathroom and won't come out
*drunk a bottle of Vodka and is throwing up
*they've heard noises outside and think someone is breaking in

Obviously you know your DDs best - but these are things that can and do happen. Can you not at least stay somewhere much closer to home?

I speak as a person whose neighbour once left her 17 and 14 year old alone and went 7 hours away. 14 yo banged on my door at 1.00am to say her sister had locked herself in the bathroom after bf had finished with her and she had cut her wrists. I had to call an ambulance and sit up all night with 14yo. It was hellish and has probably left me wary.

(Sister was ok by the way). But I had to call in to work and take the day off until DM could arrange to get herself back home to take care of her kids. I didn't even really know the neighbours except to say 'Hi' to.

FlattestWhite · 20/04/2021 19:19

do either of them have boyfriends?

the first time I was left home alone with my older sister, we saw my parents off at the airport for 2 weeks, and she then told me she was going to stay at her boyfriends house for a few days, and so I was home alone (we were older, though, more like 17 and 19 perhaps, can't really remember, maybe even older - certainly old enough to be alone, but hadn't been before as it hadn't come up). I was a little freaked out at first to have the house entirely to myself, even if I was plenty old enough - it was still a bit weird when I had expected there to be two of us.

FlattestWhite · 20/04/2021 19:19

but otherwise, yes I think that would be old enough, if they're happy with it and you can trust them.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/04/2021 19:20

@Bunnyfuller

Neither of them are party girls, their biggest fault is their screen time! I do have a couple of people close by I trust if they needed someone...

I dunno!

Anyone that would be willing to sleep over that night? Just for everyone's piece of mind.

They don't have to babysit, put them to bed,feed them etc, just be there.

Foolintherain · 20/04/2021 19:21

Fine at 16 and 15 for one night.

Throwntothewolves · 20/04/2021 19:21

We were 17 and 15 when were left alone for the weekend. We had a huge party. We weren't left alone again. Neither of us were 'party girls' either, what started as a few friends over escalated as friends invited friends. Was a great night though, and on the plus side we thoroughly cleaned and tidied the house afterwards, which is actually what gave the game away!

In theory they will be alright overnight at their ages, just don't be surprised if they have friends over when they say they won't, for example.

Also I think one or two nights is ok at that age, and it depends how far away you'll be too. Clearing off to Spain for a week and leaving them alone is a different matter

MrBond · 20/04/2021 19:22

If they have people close by as emergency contacts I think it's probably OK.

Foolintherain · 20/04/2021 19:22

16 and 15 year olds don't need a babysitter!

worrybutterfly · 20/04/2021 19:26

At that age with no family nearby I wouldn't go 200miles away.

I'd probably stay within a 30 minute drive and make sure one of us didn't drink.

Especially with it being there first time alone, you don't know if one of them is going to get scared and upset. The first time my parents left me home alone over night I ended up calling my aunt at 10pm in a state asking if she could come and get me so I could stay at hers.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/04/2021 19:26

Also are they used to being in the house on their own for extended periods of time?

Operasinger · 20/04/2021 19:26

16 and 18. I would also ask a neighbour to be available if they need someone.

paralysedbyinertia · 20/04/2021 19:28

I speak as a person whose neighbour once left her 17 and 14 year old alone and went 7 hours away. 14 yo banged on my door at 1.00am to say her sister had locked herself in the bathroom after bf had finished with her and she had cut her wrists. I had to call an ambulance and sit up all night with 14yo. It was hellish and has probably left me wary.

@MadMadMadamMim, that's heartbreaking. Those poor kids - imagine being the 14yo in that situation. Thank goodness she had the presence of mind to bang on your door, and thank goodness that you had the decency to provide the support and assistance that was required. I do hope that the mum expressed her gratitude appropriately?

VestaTilley · 20/04/2021 19:28

16 minimum, depending on how mature they are/how trustworthy your friends and neighbours are and the area you live in.

I don’t think my DM would ever have left us 200 miles away though. Can’t they go with you, and if it’s a wedding that they’re not invited to just stay at the hotel etc in the day?

battleaxe2000 · 20/04/2021 19:36

I have a 14& 17 year old (just 17). We haven't left them overnight and can't imagine doing it this year. The 14yo is quite capable of getting herself into huge amounts of trouble which her brother would struggle to cope with (to be fair so do I and I'm 45).

Bobbots · 20/04/2021 19:40

16 and 15 should be fine. But it’s a bit weird that you would go from NEVER leaving them to then going 200 miles away. It’s the former I find a bit odd to be honest. Why haven’t you been away from them even locally?

alphajuliet123 · 20/04/2021 19:41

Not 200 miles away... can you find somewhere a lot closer?

I wouldn’t stay sober, but I’d want to be near enough that an emergency taxi wouldn’t bankrupt us. I’d also have to put a neighbour on standby I think.

garlictwist · 20/04/2021 19:43

I'd say 14

nestlestealswater · 20/04/2021 19:47

15 and 16 sounds fine so long as they are generally sensible. Keep your phone on but go for it.

Thefaceofboe · 20/04/2021 19:49

I would say their ages are fine if you have a responsible adult near by they could contact if they needed to

PlugUgly1980 · 20/04/2021 19:52

I opted not to go on family holidays but to stay at home from the age of 16. Lived in a small village, had a job during school holidays that was full time, we were in good terms with the retired neighbours (so although I didn't know it my parents had asked them to keep any eye out for me...apparently they reported back that they could set my watch by me, I was never late for work!!). I enjoyed the responsibility of being at home on my own.

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