Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask you at what age do you think 2 girls could be left alone overnight?

133 replies

Bunnyfuller · 20/04/2021 18:42

...posting for traffic, and yes, all kids are different.

It would be an overnight, but about 200 miles from us. No family local.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 20/04/2021 21:05

It's too much too soon. When the eldest wakes up at 1am and realises that you aren't there, she could panic. They'd had to be sworn to secrecy. If word gets out, they could have teens knocking and forcing their way in. If you work for the police, then you know that does happen and things get out of control, quickly.

They're fine to leave at this age, but you need to be closer.

wanderbug · 20/04/2021 21:06

Is there an option to have a night away closer to home first as a practice run?

That way the girls will be fully prepared for the real thing, you'll enjoy your nice hotel without worrying about them too much - and of course you get that bonus night away!

Hottesttrikeintown · 20/04/2021 21:07

Completely depends. I was a nightmare teenager and if I’d been left at 16 with my older sister I’d have had a party/gone out all night etc and it’d have been tough for her

HerMammy · 20/04/2021 21:11

Another thread highlighting the many MNers who will have kids at home being waited upon until they’re 30!!
Having to be 16,17 to be left at home?!
How on earth is this preparing them for independence or uni?
My DD2 went away to uni at 17 in her own flat. Trust your kids and teach them
how to be independent.

GrandTheftWalrus · 20/04/2021 21:19

I was left alone for overnights from about 15/16. I was an only child so had no siblings to keep me company. I just watched what I wanted on sky all night then had a lie in.

I was 17 when my parents went away for a fortnight and left me, however I'd already been on holiday that year and I was working full time so again the appeal of TV and lie ins was great.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 20/04/2021 21:21

@Bunnyfuller

Why are you feeling like a terrible person for asking?

My biggest thing would be how well they get on.

If you decide to leave them, try to make sure they understand NOT to tell ANY friends etc as they might end up with hundreds of people they don't even know turning up & trashing the house. That's probably the biggest worry these days.

I'm more surprised you're both in the police & haven't needed a lot of overnight/weekend care for the girls!

The other option of course us to see if they could both go for a sleep over at their friends. You'd probably relax more.

mamal29 · 20/04/2021 21:24

@RolloverRollover

I went away for a week when mine were 16.

Personally, I would be a night away very much closer to home to see how they go and then do the 200 miles away thing.

You left your 16 year old for a week? Home alone?!

Wow! Brave! Grin

IdblowJonSnow · 20/04/2021 21:24

I'd say when the youngest was 16 or 17 but it just depends really on how sensible they both are and if they get on/can be relied on not to fight.

bananamonkey · 20/04/2021 21:29

My mum took my siblings abroad for a week when I was 16! Luckily I was a sensible teenager...(I think this was just before I started going out clubbing to be fair)

PinkPomeranian · 20/04/2021 21:30

My parents left me and my little sister home alone for two weeks when she was 17 and I was 22. My sister behaved appallingly. The house was an absolute state, mouldy food and empty wine bottles everywhere, her sleazy secret boyfriend stayed over and they had parties with their chavvy pals. She then ended up falling pregnant during that time. It was pure hell. Hopefully your kids are better behaved!

GreenClock · 20/04/2021 21:31

15+

Kotatsu · 20/04/2021 21:31

I was first left overnight at about 13.

with siblings, probably 15?

For a holiday, alone 15 or 16.

In sole care of younger sibs - not sure, but I'd have been fine at 16 also (babysat a friend's kids for a week between GCSE and A-level)

Entirely depends on the children, but if the oldest was 16, I'd hope they would be fine - if sibs that age fight so badly you can't trust them alone you have bigger problems!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/04/2021 21:34

17/18. I’d not expect the older one to have to be responsible for the younger sibling either as unfair as they don’t sign up for parental duties to siblings. Not their job.

DrCoconut · 20/04/2021 21:47

I had to be 18 to stay at home alone overnight. DS1 didn't stay alone until he was 21 but has additional needs so not a fair comparison really.

Kotatsu · 20/04/2021 21:49

Unless there's a huge age gap, I would be basing this on the younger sibling - so for me, about 14 would be fine (in the context that they could call you, and if there were an absolute emergency, there'd be neighbours/your friends to call)

msby · 20/04/2021 21:56

Ours were 16 and 15 when we left them for 1 night away locally. They were fine but we felt confident knowing we could get back if needed. If it’s just about being alone together (it was for us!), would a local trip work as a trial run?
Once we knew it was ok, it became an almost monthly event! Grin

omgwhy · 20/04/2021 21:58

We did my two DS at 16 & 13 but only stayed 20 minutes away overnight and if I'm honest I was itching to get home on the Sunday, and a bit nervous so won't do it again until they are a bit older. 200 miles away I think I'd wait until 17-18

Kotatsu · 20/04/2021 22:11

Good God do it now!

I was living on my own 2 days before my 18h birthday (school years being what they are)

They'll be fine! get them started now!

bathsh3ba · 20/04/2021 22:15

At least 16 for both.

freddiethegreat · 20/04/2021 22:28

@Bunnyfuller no need to feel terrible. I left my 16.5 year old for one night because at the last minute he refused to come to relatives with me & I needed to go for various reasons. That was a 4 hour drive away & I was nervous but it was ok. Left him at 17 for two nights (3 times), more a matter of mutual choice those times. The first time I did 2 nights, he called me when I was 3 hours away (fortunately on the way back though) to say police were at the house, which made for a heart stopping drive, but no actual harm done. Otherwise all ok. I am planning 4 nights in July (now 18 but some mental health issues so need to go cautiously).

arethereanyleftatall · 20/04/2021 22:37

There's lots of university comparisons here, but unless uni has changed since I went there, it's not like for like....
first year and third year, halls with 11 other people, with a warden and security on site.
Second year - house with 7 other people, and a landlord round the corner.

Hankunamatata · 20/04/2021 22:42

First couple of trips I'd stay close to home.

SneezyGonzalez · 20/04/2021 22:48

Very much depends on the kids - I’d leave sensible my 17 year old over night but not totally alone, with one of her friends maybe however my 14 year old is a liability so would hesitate to leave them alone together....

RolloverRollover · 20/04/2021 22:49

Where in the country are you OP?

LemonRoses · 20/04/2021 22:54

A bit worrying if a sixteen year old can’t be left to manage for one night. They can have sex, be married, train to be a nanny, work, but not stay in their own home? Really?