To want my boyfriend to get a divorce before we move in together?

[Jennyvon]

I’m in a serious LTR, we’re happy together and he wants us to live together, But he’s still married.
They separated officially years ago, but I don’t feel great about the fact that he has a wife, and it’s not me.
I didn’t know he was still married when we got together. He says he is getting a divorce “at some point”.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable in worrying about it. I’m not sure he even sees his divorce as something that involves me, which it shouldn’t have (if he’d done it before dating anyone else!) but now I’ll be around when it happens and I’m a big part of his life so I feel like it does involve me.
I worry he’s going to question our relationship during the divorce. Or just get nostalgic for the good times with her and I’ll feel hurt. I appreciate we all have baggage but I’m not sure this is normal. I feel uneasy about it, I feel dragged into it and I don’t know if I’m being unfair to him

Not divorcing has fuck all to do with 'nostalgia' its more commonly about finances, not wanting to rock the boat with an abusive ex, or waiting the 5yrs so you don't need permission.

I'm in that situation, Ex and i separated 4 years ago, i left him because he was an abusive twat but he won't agree to being divorced on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.. HE wants to petition to divorce me, and i'm fucked if i'm taking the blame... so we wait the 5 years and no-one has to wait or ask permission.

Definitely don't move in until he divorces. I have a suspicion that he's dragging his foot on the divorce because then he'll have an excuse as to why he can't marry you. Seriously, you need to think about where you want your relationship to go. Whether you want marriage or not. Cause the long and short of it is you're sleeping with someone else's husband and he thinks that a-okay.

@Sunshineandflipflops

A lot of generalisations in these responses about being divorced (or not). I have very much moved on from my marriage but my kids’ security and home is more important to me than a piece of paper saying my marriage is over. It was over 3 years ago. If he or I ever wish to re-marry (which I won’t do it’s on him), we will divorce. Or if I win the lottery as I want to do it properly when it happens. My bf did a cheap and quick divorce and is very much still tied to his ex financially as a result.

She's allowed to have any boundary she likes, though. And no, it's far from 'a piece of paper', a divorce. No one would say that about marriage, a will, a passport, a driving license, a £50 note. There are some serious legal ramifications to being married to someone and/or remaining married to him/her.

The reality is that he could actually never divorce !

I know people who have been separated for decades, but never divorced

@Sn00zeyoul00ze5

The reality is that he could actually never divorce !

I know people who have been separated for decades, but never divorced

I do, too. I had one who had no interest in bothering, wanted me to live with him. I'd divorced myself. Nope, not setting up to play Housey with a married man. Which is what he was. Legally married to someone else. A dealbreaker for me.

I wouldn't want to commit to a person if they weren't prepared to commit to me.
It's a definite NO from me.

If he wants your relationship to proceed to the next level, he draws a line under his previous one and gets the divorce.